Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML
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Top comments
bittersweets 2
on the other hand: how nice of her to think of your needs
calcboi 0
Maybe it's because you're SO big you hurt her, and weed is the only thing that relaxes her enough to make the pain go away. Lolz.
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Comments (104)
McDouchey 0
Cheat and get better
abouttofly 12
I think this is a FHL if she feels she has to force herself to have sex with you. I understand that you might have a higher sex drive than her, but couldn't you try to make it enjoyable for her as well?
GoldenEyedGirl 0
hahah wow either your really ugly or really bad lol, but seriously FYL.
SookMauNoots 0
wow. i smoke weed. im baaked right now. but i dont think it wud force her to have sex with u. it wud just make it better.
dundermiflax34 0
FAIL!! this is from the movie Annie Hall.
mattyz_fml 0
YDI. Small dick
frickity 0
I'm so at a loss right now. I can't believe the rude things some people say to their significant others nowadays! If you wanted to tell your husband that you smoke weed before having sex, you can tell him it's to heighten the experience. Sure it's lying, but that's so outstandingly rude to tell them it's so that they can bare the thought of having sex in the first place! How awful. But- I guess there's something wrong with that intimate relationship anyway. But now you know and can work to fix it! I don't figure it'll be too difficult!
Vagrarian 2
I just love how every time there's some marital problem with sex, everyone always assumes it's the man's fault and the woman is always defended. The possibility that the guy could be doing everything he could and the wife is the problem never occurs to anyone.
Intoxicunt 6
I totally agree. There are a thousand reasons the wife could be the problem. Plus, if nothing else, she should have talked to you about it or left you or never married you. She just ****** up several different ways.
muffinsareyummy 1
at least she's giving you what you want.
cabernet 0
Are you that bad? Do you treat her like a blowup doll? If you're a selfish pig during sex then YDI, but if you actually try to please her then that sucks.