Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML
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Top comments
bittersweets 2
on the other hand: how nice of her to think of your needs
calcboi 0
Maybe it's because you're SO big you hurt her, and weed is the only thing that relaxes her enough to make the pain go away. Lolz.
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Comments (104)
efwiz 0
Weed is whack... ...Vampire blood is where it's at ;-)
bexox 0
I thought vampires didn't have blood. Is this slang for something?
fxdxhk90 0
It's ok, just tell her you need to be piss ass drunk to plow her.
amira101 20
this is not an fml grow up man so what if she smokes before hand its just like a guy taking Viagra whats the harm? at least shes not cheating on you like some wives on here do. just join in on the weed smoking and you guys will grow a better bond together
joebendiez 0
and you couldn't smell the weed before sex? YDI for being a clueless dumbass
xxlillyxx 0
wow... you would think... weed has a very distinct smell. not to mention that smell is horrible!!!! ugh weed reminds me of stinky feet n wet dog...lol not realy but you know what i mean.
jewjewbee 6
Is her name Annie? Annie Hall?
de_fenestration 0
Exactly. I think a more apt comparison would be to a guy saying he needed to drink before sleeping with a girl, not taking Viagra. She refuses to sleep with her husband sober? Yeah, it is an FML.
Chfanfiction 0
I don't think i ever want to do weed. Drugs= bad.
Pethegreat 0
You must be very young and still brainwashed by DARE. Once you grow older (hopefully) you will realize that everything you school has told you about drugs is wrong. You only have one life to live; go out and enjoy it.
Chfanfiction 0
No thanks. I prefer not to need addictive, harmful substances to enjoy life. I haven't been "brainwashed," I simply don't wish to partake in dangerous activities.
aaaaa12345_fml 0
marijuana is neither harmful nor addictive
Chfanfiction 0
It still has effects. It can lead to diminished sperm count, memory loss, and general absent-mindedness. I simply wish to keep my mind clear and drug-free.
fermata 0
It's good that you are doing that. Don't listen to douches who try to convince you how to live your life. You are making a sound informed decision. Stick with it. Personally, I have to say sex is in-*******-credible when one is high. However, this FML is still quite sad. Maybe the OP and his wife needs to work out why she doesn't want to have sex while she's sobre?
brianjman14 23
Guys, just like anti-smokers always bash smokers just because they think smoking is gross/stupid/dangerous, we shouldn't bash someone just because they don't want to. We have our own decision. We want to smoke and that person just doesn't want to. It's as simple as that.
annalysse 8
weed rocks. period.
rocketbest 0
that sucks, ask her 2 try without weed to tell the difference
KamikazeKev 0
Dude.. That sucks so hard.... I'm so sorry for laughing..
tapesculpture 0
LOL im like lmfao.