By violated ._. - 22/08/2013 22:45 - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks 47 311
You deserved it 15 374

Same thing different taste

Top comments

yankeesfancg 13

They say dolphins are the most intelligent mammals...


yankeesfancg 13
BreakingGrace 7

"Woah! Take me out to dinner first!"

Turns out they are in love with you more than you do

Jake_Hale 7

OP why does that matter? If it were me I would tongue it back just to say and tell people I've had the opportunity to tongue a dolphin. So many want to do that.

Actually, when you 'kiss' the dolphin, your supposed to let it kiss your cheek. not go mouth-to-mouth. at least that's per my experience...

AtomicDiamond87 15
addioty 19

Tasted a little fishy, eh? Excuse my horrible pun.

Bojack_fml 10
maskedman98 6

Damn the dolphin got farther than I did already

They say dolphins are the most intelligent mammals...

Every passing day leads me to believe the average dolphin is more intelligent than the average human sadly.

Many dolphin species have larger brains then humans and show brain function that equals humans if not more.

Spider_Web 11

A smaller brain proportional to the animal's body size means the species' brain is more efficient. Bigger brain doesn't mean more intelligent

That's true, but I ment that as in saying that the part of the brain that have higher level thinking (namely the neocortex) is proportionally larger in dolphins.

80 - So if we replaced your brain with one the size of a pea you'd be more intelligent than Einstein? Bullshit. A smaller brain is not neccesarily better. On the other hand, as I understand it, a denser brain is in fact the better way to go. Someone correct me if I'm completely wrong but I heard that when Einstein's brain was removed and weighed the scientists were stunned by the fact that his brain was really heavy for its size.

Actually the component that determines how intelligent you are is how many folds you have on your brain, so if you had a larger brain in comparison to other species, you would actually be able to train your intelligence to a much higher level considering the folds can be a much higher number. Unless there is say, a medical/mental issue in which you learn at a much slower pace in comparison to an average middle class man or woman, your intelligence may likely differ at great rates. Or you're a swaggot, then you would probably be a dumbass. Holy mother of The Flying Spaghetti Monster I wrote a novel- bai

\ 28

Intelligence is all about how much you actually learn and how well you apply that knowledge. Today's people can't seem to do either well

71- while this may be true a dolphins brain is larger than a humans simply because their bodies are larger. The same with elephants. Yes they are extremely smart but honestly they just have more cells and whatnot that need to be managed. And honestly it's not the size that matters. It the proportions that do. The size of a humans brain in proportion to the size of our bodies is much much larger than any other animal!

Wow I never realized how much I didn't know. Thanks for the info.

That's better than being humped by a dolphin ..which they actually do.

and better than being raped by a dolphin

I don't think dolphins can rape. They'll squeal and click which is obviously dolphin for "Surprise!"

Swim with dolphins? No thanks. I've heard horror rape stories about their penis being able to grab you and drag you underwater. Just picture a monkey's tail.

A prehensile penis? Man, the things I could do with that.

skullofdarkness 18

57? 59? I'm honestly disturbed by the turn this is taking.... :s

@59, elephants also have prehensile penises. They scratch their bellies and swat at flies with them!

RedPillSucks 31

Can you use it to open a beer?

Scientists have placed human decoys in dolphin areas with monitors on them. The dolphins would drag the decoys underwater to caves, rape them, and then shred the decoys in to pieces. Not a pleasant thing.

I saw a documentary a while ago where they were investigating why all these small porpoises were washing up dead. It turned out that a bunch of younger dolphins were going around and just killing them. Not eating or anything, just killing them and leaving them there. It was pretty crazy that we put these powerful animals into cages and make them flip for fish

Don't be so shocked everyone. Everyone in the animal kingdom is normal except for us and the dolphins.

Jake_Hale 7

Not really. #3 not many people can say they've been humped by a dolphin let alone enjoyed it.

I need my penis to grab a hand since I don't have a hand to grab my penis.

50 dolphins can and do rape.. I'll stick to watching them through a tv screen

Whale, in the end you still got to swim with dolphins:3

Think about your puns before you post them.

mannylujan 3

You don't have to be a beach about it. Im sure they didn't make a bad pun reply on porpoise.

JoeGrant 12

Too bad dolphins aren't fish, although I applaud the effort.

lol I didn't even think about that. I hate most creatures in ocean.

What do you think a dolphin eats all day? Of course a dolphin slipping you the tongue would be fishy.

I think 5 was referring to the fact that dolphins eat fish, so a dolphin's tongue would be fishy. Unless I'm completely wrong and she thinks a dolphin is a fish. ._. Just ignore me in that case.

shaww 28

That's deFINitely a fishy situation right there. Whale at least you got what you wanted

Because French kissing a dolphin is something I've always dreamed of doing...

DrownedMyFish 18

I thought they were pretty finny. I'm so sorry that was horrible

Yours was the third AWFUL pun in a row

CallMeMcFeelii 13

Hey, I've seen dolphins do worse things than that. I'd count your blessings.

You know, dolphins have sex for fun just like humans. ;) she wanted you.