Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML
Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML
Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
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Top comments
yankeesfancg 13
On the first date
kpc2424 13
They say dolphins are the most intelligent mammals...
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Comments (187)
Brandon2916 9
So you made it to 1st, are you gonna round the bases?
Poetaster 10
Lesbian dolphins... Well, that was awkward!!
ShoyuSauceSoup 26
I've heard that bisexuality is quite common in dolphins.
sweetbliss3 37
minus making out with the dolphin, how was it? I've always wanted to swim or even pet a dolphin
buckdharma 38
Some dolphin males are homosexual and use their blowhole as a sexual orifice, adding a whole new meaning to getting your brains ****** out.
incoherentrmblr 22
Fishay Fishay...
sporty_14 5
Now THAT was a real kiss!
InfamousFleet 3
did you go to its place or your place?
film_addict1129 16
We're these captive or wild dolphins? If they were captive I'd do your research first! Seriously, there is a lot more than meets the eye with captive cetaceans.
acrasia 5
Didn't you see Bob the Shark on Shark Week? Dolphins are gropey!
Poetaster 10
Umm ... News flash, that wasn't "his" tongue...