Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML
Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML
Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
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Top comments
yankeesfancg 13
On the first date
kpc2424 13
They say dolphins are the most intelligent mammals...
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Comments (187)
buckdharma 38
Slip a human the tongue? EEEEEEEEEEEWWW!
leeyaro 13
There are records of dolphins raping humans.
King_paradox 22
Deepthroating with the dolphins (Check) One last thing off your Bucket list
FishWaffle 2
I've heard dolphins are the only other mammals that have sex for pleasure...
love_me_electric 20
Bonobos (and possibly other apes) do as well. Bonobos also have the highest level of bisexuality in the animal kingdom. The more you know...
neeni88 23
I freaking love bonobos and their philosophy of "make love, not war." We should all strive to be like the bonobos.
nina21194 12
Dolphins rape humans -.-
MistsMoon 15
Aww :) Just wanted to give you a little kiss :)
TheCaramelKing 11
Fun fact, dolphin have been known to rape people.
scampman 5
I frenched a dolphin and I liked it
Cujo3269 9
Lmao, now that's funny
FrankHotpants 31
I bet it did it on porpoise.
Ray_of_midnight 23
"It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year. I was driving in downtown atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray."