Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML
Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML
Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
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Top comments
yankeesfancg 13
On the first date
kpc2424 13
They say dolphins are the most intelligent mammals...
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Comments (187)
olpally 33
Dolphins are that friendly? Lol damn. Did it at least catch you a fish after it raped your mouth? Haha.
wowthatissad 9
You French kissed a dolphin. Hahaha I can't even imagine how gross that would be to have a fish gut covered tongue in your mouth
PenguinBitch 44
"Just a little kiss will do....garghggfhgfg."
wowthatissad 9
Your bio made me laugh.
mFUNdo21 17
your pic made the comment 10x funnier
browniey 11
Eww but i guess you could consider dolphin showing her affection for you:/?
vanessa09865 23
A whole new type of experimenting; lady-on-lady dolphin
cuterussian1 9
well that was......sensual. even dolphins listen to Katy Perry and heard "i kiss a girl" before you came along :-)
jdogburrier 8
The whale might be part french
Ins0mau 20
SCORE!!
Powerfull_fml 8
I've seen enough animated videos on the internet to know where this is going...
RoboCunnilingus 23
Dolphin rape is a REAL and SERIOUS issue. Just be glad the deviant didn't take it any further.