Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML
Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML
Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML
Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML
Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
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Top comments
yankeesfancg 13
On the first date
kpc2424 13
They say dolphins are the most intelligent mammals...
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Comments (187)
ocampo 6
dolphins are the rapist of the sea
MGITSWFTC 17
Aaaaand one of the many serial killers of the sea. Seriously, they kill porpoises and baby dolphins for fun. They're terrifying.
logankyng 15
I bet my Gf wishes I had that tongue
Welshite 39
So you are admitting to a lack of...uh...performance?
DrownedMyFish 18
He is basically saying that a dolphin is able to pleasure his mate better than he can.
starile 19
walked right into that one, 14
girlrome 19
Someone's got the hots for you..
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
there's videos online of dolphins attempting to rape divers. its traumatizing. I heard they gang rape in caves too. no joke
RpiesSPIES 27
I think you've been watching too much TheOnion. What am I saying? There's no such thing as watching too much TheOnion!
Voij 16
He's actually telling the truth, which makes it slightly more disturbing. Dolphins, widely heralded at least one of the, if not the most intelligent species on our planet next to humans, are also one of the few species that regularly have members who attempt to rape others, ignoring their gender, age or even species. And that's not even all, they also have regular serial killers among them, who murder members of their own race for no other reason than just to kill. It's also why there are no more Flipper movies: He became greedy after using too much cocaine and, in his tiger-shark-blood driven rage, assaulted the producers, then killed a hooker. Tragic story, really.
Llama_Face89 33
Only other species that has sex for pleasure too I believe.
inarsla 8
That`s hard to gauge, and I`d be tempted to say that at least most mammals probably have sex for pleasure occasionally. At the very least, Bonobos are ahead of humans in that regard.
cutycat136 28
Childhood ruined....
Cheezes 7
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water.
HeadlessSparrow 20
The dolphin thought it was going to be a French kiss!
Kenjikai 5
So what'd she taste like? Salmon, Carp? Trout?
Welshite 39
Herring. Don't ask me how I know.
trumpet27 1
Really? I like sea food, but eating a dolphin is different. They are so beautiful and intelligent.
Nurd4lyfe 7
Just doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Morgiepoooh9822 17
I kissed a dolphin and I liked it..
Ari1337 15
your profile picture made this comment like twelve times better.