Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then...

By Busted - 31/12/2010 20:52 - Mexico

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

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Holidays

Boozehound

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By emily - 23/6/2019 06:45

Today, I learned in my child development class that lying in toddlers is a sign of intelligence. I clearly remember that I didn’t even understand the concept of lying until I was 6 years-old. FML

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By Noname - 18/2/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got a message from the girl I like. She told me to never speak to her again and not even look at her any more. Apparently the letter I wrote to her was perverted, vile and nasty. I never wrote her a letter. FML

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By workerbee - 9/8/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

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By seanzynotfonzyehhhhh - 4/8/2016 05:16 - United States

Today, my boss told me to find the bad smell coming from the apartment we were working on. I found the bath tub about 4 inches high full of piss and spent the next hour bailing it out into a bucket because the drain wasn't connected yet. I have pee stain in all the wrong places. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

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By cande - 1/12/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

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By letstradefamilies - 21/12/2015 21:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2011 06:21 - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends: "Have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you tomorrow morning." His? FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2019 14:00

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 16:45 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 22:00

Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML

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By goingtothegym - 9/12/2013 01:16 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

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By Jason - 5/2/2018 15:30 - United States - Kenai

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is actually a man. Not a transgender person, I'm okay with that, but an actual gay man who gets a kick out of pranking other guys. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2019 02:00

Today, I went to the hairdresser on a spur of the moment decision to get a quick wash and cut. 45 painful minutes and $180 later, I honestly don't know if anything was actually done to my hair. FML

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By PlayboyBunny - 19/2/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

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By bitch - 16/5/2017 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. To celebrate being newly single, I wanted to watch some shows on Netflix. My now ex-boyfriend had already changed the password. FML

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By sofuckingembarassing. - 11/2/2013 19:19 - United States

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 17:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. I've been a legal driver in my home country for 8 years, but can't pass the test here. FML

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By Thank you, exactly what I wanted Sergeant - 21/8/2016 13:53

Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML

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By faen - 29/11/2012 21:12 - Norway - Marifjora

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

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By again? - 15/3/2016 10:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

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By GeorgiaBOYY - 4/1/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

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By Champion sucker - 11/8/2018 06:00

Uh... Okay?

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

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By .... - 31/12/2010 06:23 - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

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By - 27/12/2018 18:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML

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By notacatperson - 1/3/2011 10:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

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By 2285morgan - 15/12/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

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By kittykat033 - 8/3/2014 17:19 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

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By 86145 - 16/8/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML

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By OutoftheLoop - 20/2/2009 09:24 - China

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

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By i fuckin love habaneros - 22/7/2016 19:19 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

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By kill the audience - 10/11/2016 17:51 - United States - Lewes

Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML

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By megan - 1/4/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 19:00 - United States

Landlords are scum

Today, I found out that my landlord is sleeping with my girlfriend, and he won’t let me out of my lease. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

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By orgasmicriding - 22/12/2012 22:55 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML

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Top comments

By bugmenot1 | 1

#747872 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:25

You are in Mexico with 20 USD...What's the problem with living like a king?

By allaayy_naa | 0

#747900 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:33

i guess you'll just have to sell your body. probably won't be a problem.

Comments

By Kttttt | 0

#747838 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:17

First! YDI for cancelling it in Mexico.

Yarrachel | 16

#747890 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:31

YDI for being first.

ninaaftermath | 0

#748339 - Friday 1 January 2010 7:09

I know something great that you can get for less than 20 bucks in Mexico : SWINE FLU

lnull | 0

#748456 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:28

swine flu is a joke

TheLoneWolf87 | 4

#748461 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:33

I know something better you can get in the U.S. for less than $15. AIDS!!

sleephunters | 8

#749775 - Saturday 2 January 2010 4:10

STFU you are an ignorant prick

crashsapphire93 | 4

#1064510 - Monday 5 July 2010 11:13

contact an embassy, at the very least you could find a place to crash after your money runs out.

code2264 | 0

#1076268 - Saturday 10 July 2010 1:59

that'll last a while in mexico

ArentICute | 0

#2939945 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:14

Better start walking.

By MF12 | 0

#747849 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:20

sell your iPhone or iPod touch

scottyrocks123 | 21

#1932661 - Thursday 6 January 2011 5:36

maybe ha has a computer instead. computers will sell for more money though

ArentICute | 0

#2939952 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:16

Most likely a laptop, or he visited an internet cafe.

By somethingnew319 | 0

#747868 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:24

ha ur broke

By bugmenot1 | 1

#747872 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:25

You are in Mexico with 20 USD...What's the problem with living like a king?

diet_otaku | 0

#748763 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:00

"*gasp* a nickel... *turns to boss* you see this? *slaps boss* i quit! i open my own hotel!"

RoxyRaccoon | 4

#748918 - Friday 1 January 2010 18:32

Hehehe. :)

fawfulster | 11

#753551 - Monday 4 January 2010 0:41

$20 USD are worth $200 MP what the fuck can you buy with that? Groceries at the very least.

xxdarkxangel98xx | 3

#3202705 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 2:21

You're not rich with 20 dollars in Mexico he basically has 200 and a piece of candy can cost you 10...

By mcal2013 | 0

#747873 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:25

20 bucks could get you a lot in Mexico.

By iamazombie | 0

#747876 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:26

lmfao $20 in mexico is a lot of money... you'll be fine

By Yarrachel | 16

#747878 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:26

YDI for being an illegal immigrant.

ozunanunez | 0

#748356 - Friday 1 January 2010 7:23

#7
who the f said she was illegal?

LifeFucksUsAll | 0

#748930 - Friday 1 January 2010 18:43

Don't feed the troll.

By carolthebitch | 0

#747884 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:29

what country are u from?

Kttttt | 0

#747889 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:31

CA, would be California, so United States.

carolthebitch | 0

#747898 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:32

oh, i thought she meant Central America, stupid me

dudeitsdanny | 9

#748114 - Friday 1 January 2010 2:55

Central America isn't a country..
And they don't use dollars in any country in Central America..

flyingburger | 0

#748142 - Friday 1 January 2010 3:12

she was asking which central american country she was from.

dudeitsdanny | 9

#748149 - Friday 1 January 2010 3:17

Then I take back the first part =)

Grndslmhttr3 | 0

#749944 - Saturday 2 January 2010 6:29

Why would you take back saying that Central America isn't a country? It's still not a country regardless of what was being asked.

By allaayy_naa | 0

#747900 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:33

i guess you'll just have to sell your body. probably won't be a problem.

I_am_stupid_also | 6

#747923 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:47

Yeah. with an ID of Busted, she should be fine.

perdix | 29

#748256 - Friday 1 January 2010 5:07

allaayy_naa,

It's hard to make money in Mexico as a prostitute -- too many frijoles.

ozunanunez | 0

#748349 - Friday 1 January 2010 7:16

#40..,
i love frijoles!

mrmystery96 | 0

#748379 - Friday 1 January 2010 7:47

hahaha I just got the joke! "free holes!"

By MissOriginal | 0

#747905 - Friday 1 January 2010 0:34

SHIT!!!
Cross the border into San Diego from Tijuanna, take a bus up to where ever ur from, or ask a friend to drive u...

mrmystery96 | 0

#748387 - Friday 1 January 2010 7:51

Or she could use have of it to buy a ticket to guatamala. Then buy a house, and work as a prostitute.