Money: Today, I finally picked up my new bank card after my old one...

By annoyed - 28/08/2012 17:50 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I finally picked up my new bank card after my old one was stolen. It took the bank six weeks and five separate orders to figure it out, on top of which they've charged me a rush fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 159

You deserved it 1 895

Money

Mama's boy

Call the cops

The bitch is back

By shitforchris - 20/08/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 381

You deserved it 11 619

For real though?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Parkesburg

Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 341

You deserved it 648

By cantstoplaughing - 06/10/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 660

You deserved it 3 973

By divorce? i think so - 21/07/2012 02:12 - Canada - Markham

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 202

You deserved it 3 285

Breeders

By Anonymous - 12/07/2015 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 499

You deserved it 1 928

I'm right here

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 10:39 - Australia

Today, after applying for a promotion to a position which I've been working my ass off for two years to get, my managers thought it would be appropriate to discuss other applicants in front of me, even asking me to compare my resume with theirs to see the "caliber" of what I'm up against. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 678

You deserved it 2 176

Love don't pay the rent

By Anonymous - 04/08/2020 23:04

Today, I begged my dad for money, for the first time ever, because even with two jobs I still can’t make rent. When asked why he sent way too little, he replied, "You always said you’d prefer to get love from me rather than money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 337

By Anonymous - 05/01/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 141

You deserved it 4 568

Is there anybody out there?

By Natalie - 11/06/2021 09:01 - United States

Today, I started my treatment for dental aligners. I talked to myself a bit to see how I sounded and it turns out that I have a small lisp. I wanted to share how I sounded with someone, then I realized I don't have anyone I can call. I have to wait 3 days until someone can hear my funny new lisp at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 102

By BrokenHangLow - 24/04/2017 12:00 - United States - Havelock

Today, my roommate barged into my bedroom while my girlfriend and I were getting intimate. She freaked out and spun off of me trying to cover herself. I'm now in the hospital with a fractured dingle-dangle. What did he want that was so important? To ask if he could eat last pack of Pop-Tarts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 131

You deserved it 385

By ihatevideos - 16/03/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194 258

You deserved it 37 363

By waterlogged - 22/09/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 858

You deserved it 2 596

Something is about to bust

By Stigmamma - 30/05/2021 20:01

Today, I had an ultrasound which required me to have a full bladder. I arrived on time, bladder full, only to be stuck in waiting room limbo for 40 mins. I nearly exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 59

By Disney - 18/02/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I found out that to save on expenses, my wife booked a very small hotel room for ourselves and the kids while we visit Disney World. I've been officially cockblocked by Mickey Mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 131

You deserved it 8 425

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 18:49 - United States - Atwater

Today, my slacker co-worker accused me of stealing because I got more hours than him. I was called into the manager's office and interrogated. They believed him, and sent me home for the day. I guess it pays off being the boss's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 016

You deserved it 1 208

Reefer madness

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 12:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I told the coworker who sits next to me that I don't smoke weed anymore, after she brought a spliff to work. I then got called into the directors' boardroom to receive a warning for smelling like marijuana at work. I was only allowed one more warning before they were due to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 126

By anonymous - 13/02/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 030

You deserved it 2 962

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 01:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 306

You deserved it 2 916

By anon - 27/11/2015 20:21 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 1 625

By DarkDolly - 04/02/2012 16:39 - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 958

You deserved it 3 158

Spread the news

By kryssa - 09/10/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend of six years is in the hospital after having a stroke. While being transferred to another hospital, I came to our home to get his phone to call his family, but instead was treated to text messages and voicemails from his other girlfriends. At least 4 of them so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 104

By whotouchedyou1 - 26/08/2014 02:37 - United States - Cypress

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 109

You deserved it 11 738

By screwyouchris - 16/10/2015 23:08 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that he sees no future with me. It's alright though, because he says we can still "coast along" until he meets someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 2 048

By scottyboy - 01/10/2016 07:58

Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 529

You deserved it 1 644

By FranticFarAwayDaughter - 16/11/2017 19:00

Today, my mother was transferred from the hospital to a long-term care facility. Nobody I talk to at the hospital knows what facility they sent her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 649

You deserved it 204

By Username - 05/12/2010 17:04 - United States

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 826

You deserved it 84 461

By Ugly - 08/03/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 438

You deserved it 10 015

By Anonymous - 21/06/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking on the street when a woman in front of me dropped a couple of dollars. I picked them up and chased her to return it all. She insisted that it wasn't hers. I tried to tell her it was, but she wouldn't accept it. A cop saw me and arrested me for solicitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 170

By filipinoclari808 - 16/04/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 769

You deserved it 81 277

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 05:49 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 903

You deserved it 2 719

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 448

You deserved it 3 948

What did I do?

By mislabeled - 27/08/2020 20:05

Today, two friends of almost ten years told my husband they had concerns about our marriage, and basically said they can no longer be friends with me. My husband and I never fight, and have other people tell us they are jealous of our relationship. The worst part is they still want to be friends with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 165

By unbirthday - 18/07/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I came downstairs to a cake that said "Happy 8th Birthday Bella!" My name is Sarah and I'm 16. Bella is our dog whose birthday is next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 986

You deserved it 2 933

By pops up - 01/12/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 240

You deserved it 10 603

By Work_sucks - 29/11/2016 07:05

Today, I'm facing a disciplinary hearing at work because I occasionally fail to click the door properly shut when I leave the office and this is very upsetting to one of the six colleagues I share my office with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 011

You deserved it 1 342

Family

By megamonster99 - 07/11/2016 15:06 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 230

You deserved it 989

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 21:59

Today, for my husband's birthday next weekend, I booked a holiday which he was happy about… until I told him it was a surprise family holiday so I'd invited his kids and their families. Now he doesn’t want to go and has made up a fake work emergency. He’s a bus driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 917

By jimmy - 30/11/2015 21:27 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 917

You deserved it 2 455

By Anonymous - 24/02/2011 09:44 - New Zealand

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 882

You deserved it 27 449

By fuck em all - 27/09/2018 14:00

Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 675

You deserved it 396

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Top comments

happyface92 3

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:48

You need to switch banks

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:49

It should have taken no more than 2 days. Banks are a dime a dozen - find a new one.

JTthePurpleNinja 5

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:48

You should complain !

blade4080 7

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:55

You don't say? Hmmm.

linstar 13

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 0:15

You should complain on their Facebook page, they don't want the bad publicity so they'll be pretty keen to show the world 'they care' and will do something about it.

marmlr339 14

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 0:37

Demand a refund and threaten to change banks. I dunno about in the US, but in Australia it works every time!

domking1315 20

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 0:43

Wait #10 you consider yourself a god??

a_commenter 3

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 0:57

Thank you for your glorious insight, you wise elder. Please disperse more of your ancient knowledge.

JTthePurpleNinja 5

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 2:38

Well usually when you complain to the company, shit gets done. Some of you guys leave some childish comments...

musicluvr2000 11

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 3:45

No! You should go and tell them how much of a good job they're doing! Or even better... high-five them! *note the sarcasm*

natiscool101 0

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 8:14

JTthePurpleNinja 5

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Thursday 30 August 2012 1:53

Right... Gotta love the Internet trolls and keyboard warriors. Yeah, I left a blatant yet relevant comment. Calm down, shit...

happyface92 3

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:48

You need to switch banks

SweetAsHell 9

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 0:36

Switch banks, then rob your old one. Problem solved.

domking1315 20

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 0:44

You forgot the evil kitten laugh muamoewmoewmoewmoew

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 1:25

To rob a bank, you need a gun. To rob the world, you need a bank. word.

RaggleFrock 13

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 7:00

41- that's the most sense you have ever made.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 12:15

Bitch, you don't know me!!!! Biiiiiitch!!

Xarzith 9

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Sunday 17 April 2016 0:40

q djadk p4v42 ka5j ka5j luc qxuq NVsc2qvehumcqv

twilightriforce 10

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:49

Sorry to hear that OP. Maybe it's time to start using a new bank.

TurtleSmile 14

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:49

Yuck. I'm sorry to hear that, OP. Hopefully you didn't get mugged and robbed of all that straight cash you must have been carrying around.

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:49

It should have taken no more than 2 days. Banks are a dime a dozen - find a new one.

a_commenter 3

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 0:59

Intentional pun?

DocBastard 38

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 1:03

Always.

dinorider_fml 4

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 2:35

It would make sense that it was a pun

hutch66 13

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 3:30

It would make cents if it was a pun.

saintsrocksocks 10

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 3:32

You're trying too hard 62.

jovizzle 8

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 4:00

Hey 63... 0 confirmed out of 14 posted? You also clearly graduated from TryHard University.

dinorider_fml 4

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 8:17

62- dang, that was the pun I was trying to go for, I guess I wasn't clear enough. Maybe I could get a little CREDIT though (still trying)

Welshite 39

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:50

Don't let them get away with this. Complain daily if you have to.

rockurheart 9

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:50

wow wtf? thats bs, i feel ya :I

bones_17 5

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:53

Guess the bank is trying to make you save your money!! :/

corruptedlol 2

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 0:08

Banks hate money savers. They want you to spend money. Especially theirs.

kroekdog 7

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:56

Everyone loves Rush...

Turtle_rebellion 10

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Tuesday 28 August 2012 23:59

6 weeks? All they had to do was change a card.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 42

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 100

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