By Notthatone - 21/04/2015 23:00 - United States - Madison

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 477
You deserved it 4 026

Same thing different taste

Top comments

It's actually brilliant because you were able to explain it to her before any prejudices could reach her.

This is why we need to update sex education in schools.


Well at least she knows now! Hope she was accepting of it.

I would hope she would be considering there are few relationships closer than siblings.

incoherentrmblr 21

I mean I'm a bit surprised she didn't know too but I wouldn't go as far as calling her an idiot. No one is teaching kids this stuff and if they're not looking it up themselves or someone is explaining it to them how are they supposed to know.

i wouldn't call her an idiot, it has nothing to do w her intelligence, maybe there's the small chance she's just never been exposed to stuff like that?

CaroAurelia 12

There was some movie where a teacher said of some troubled kids, "They're not stupid; they just don't know anything," and I think that applies here. Granted, I went to Catholic school, but the sex ed was all heterosexuality, cisgenderness, and abstinence. It's like that in a lot of places.

Sometimes people don't get educated on the subject no need to be a jackass.

There's a difference between idiocy and ignorance. OP's sister was ignorant on this subject, it doesn't say anything about her intelligence - just that she didn't know much about this particular subject.

This is why we need to update sex education in schools.

Do we *really*, though? Personally, I don't believe it's a necessity to teach kids about other sexual orientations and the like - that's a waste of time and effort. Why don't we just ******* teach COMPASSION and TOLERANCE? We'll call it "Human Decency", and it'll cover just tolerating other people. Nothing specific needs to be taught, we don't need to teach everybody why people are Catholic or lesbian or Iranian, we just need to be comfortable knowing we're all different. Obviously I don't believe that's a real solution, but my point is that this isn't a sex education problem.

In my school they just told them about puberty, no sexual preferences involved. I think that that's a good system

#47 wouldn't that turn into a political correctness class after a while though?

CaroAurelia 12

Yeah, but don't people who aren't heterosexual need to know how to have safe sex their way, too?

It's the same, regardless of sexual preference. USE PROTECTION. They should show all types of protection, male condoms, female condoms, dental dams, ect. then, whatever type of sex they are having, they know which is the best protection to use and can decide accordingly. There is no need to get into anything other than how to have sex, all sex, safely.

47: Wouldn't teaching about different orientations and identities help with understanding which will lead into compassion and acceptance?

Sounds great in theory, but as someone who was taught only about pregnancy and birth control methods: it sucks. Not to mention homosexual couples do have to do more to make sure they don't hurt their partner. If it's not taught, many might find out the hard way. Still, I was lucky I was even taught that. Someone I know didn't even learn that. Luckily their mom knew enough to explain things to them. There are people who still think the pull out method works.

70- While that's really important, I think there are lots of things other than that worth teaching. For example: puberty, the emotional side of sex, relationships etc. And I think it actually is quite important to educate children about different sexualities, at least to some extent. As someone who is bisexual, as a child I found it very confusing and I feel that I would've benefited from being taught about it at least a little bit in sex ed.

#78 - Good point, but let me explain why it's only correct in theory. It's a complex issue that children will still process in their own way. You can't put a blank piece of paper through a copier and expect it to print the original Mona Lisa. If we want to progress as a society, we have to mold and develop our ability to think critically and sympathize. Why do you think there's still sexism, racism, and homophobia all over the place? We need to teach our youth to process new ideas with an open mind and to tackle the unknown with curiosity instead of fear. This leads to new ideas and different ways of life being accepted and tolerated, which encompasses everything instead of just sexual orientation.

TallMist 32

#82 No, what you SHOULD avoid teaching them is how to avoid being a bigot. Although, you could use some work on that yourself.

#47, yes actually, we do. There are so many schools teaching "abstinence only" sex ed and those communities have the highest teen pregnancy rates. A trans girl thought there was something horribly wrong with her until she was 14 and found out that there is a concept for the feelings she had. She killed herself at 17. If kids were taught at an early age that gender isn't just male/female and that there are many different sexualities, children will not only be less confused about themselves but they would be more accepted by their classmates because they heard about it in school. Also, consent needs to be highlighted in sex ed, and boundaries should be taught as early as possible. Kids these days are getting their sex education from watching **** which isn't real sex but acting. This causes boys to think that all dicks are 10+ inches long and that all women are hairless and that they come the second a dick enters. Or that all women love anal and getting finished on their face. Proper sex education has the potential to teach kids and teens what sex is really like, that everyone has different preferences and allows them to approach sex with an open mind instead of just the fact that "it's forbidden and you'll get pregnant and catch STDs" leaving them to their own skewed assumptions.

Medic8 you said "don't teach my kids that crap, especially not in school"-sounds like you'd rather your kids think everyone in the world is heterosexual, which means you don't celebrate diversity, which means you're bigoted

#97 - So you're implying people don't kill themselves because they're ostracized and bullied for being overweight, geeky, or any of the other numerous differences that one could pick at? As I said, this isn't a sex education issue. Just because you solely want to defend somebody's ability to be a different gender or sexual orientation doesn't mean there aren't thousands of other things that kids get bullied for on a daily basis. Second, let's give the parents some responsibility here. They can teach their kids, too. It isn't solely the job of the school.

Mr concise you aren't really all that concise you are putting words in my mouth and must not have even read what I wrote. I didn't imply ANY of what you said. There are numerous reasons why kids get bullied. Most young suicides are a result of bullying. Have you seen how many trans people have committed suicide or been murdered this year? The average life span for a trans person is in their early 30s for this reason. There is a glaring need for education in the subject of gender and sexuality besides "women have vaginas men have penises don't have sex til you're married" because it's much more complicated than that. I have little trust in parents bc many of them are trying to ban science from being taught in schools, they will just hand down intolerance generation after generation. Just because you are uncomfortable with a subject that isn't relative to you personally doesn't make it irrelevant to the school system.

"Mr concise you aren't really all that concise" That's the joke, I should probably put that back in my profile somewhere. I've been getting this comment a lot since I took it out. Anyhow, it's not the idea that makes me uncomfortable, it's your obvious willingness to overlook that this is an issue on a larger scale. Do you think it would really help to tell kids that some guys like to kiss guys and there are intersex persons born into the world? As I stated before, you can't put something through a filter and expect it to come out correct unless you adjust the filter. Do you not believe this would just give kids more ammunition to start false rumors about kids without identity issues? We need to change how we relate to one another and look at differences, and that starts with our youth, the most impressionable and open minds. Racial tensions are arguably worse in this country. I get that you feel for the LGBT community and their struggles, I think a lot of us do, but what about the sheer number of people who are killed just over skin color? There are larger issues at play, just because the internet and media have made it noble to adopt such a specific and niche cause doesn't mean that it's the number one priority. Fix the system and then everything else falls into place afterwards.

TallMist 32

#101 I say you're bigoted because there's nothing wrong with the LGBT community and you say that there is. Or, you obviously think there is, since you don't want your kid to know about it.

101- If you refer to homosexuality, bisexuality etc. as 'that crap' that you don't want your kids to learn about, is it really a surprise when people assume that you're bigoted?

107-- so, according to your logic, we shouldn't address LGBTQ issues until we've fixed racism? I had a transgender student try to commit suicide earlier this year, in part because of comments our principal made to them. Our principal's response was much the same as yours-- there are more pressing social issues to worry about than LGBTQ issues. Yes, people commit suicide for a lot of reasons (and I have, sadly, lost several students to suicide). But educating our children about racism, LGBTQ, mental illnesses, sex and consent, various religious beliefs, gender issues, etc..., etc... is a GOOD thing. The more education that is out there, the more lives we can save and improve. Life and people (and sex) are complex things. We need to teach children that complexity. Life is not a one size fits all, black and white thing and to imagine that children are too stupid to understand complexities is doing them (and ourselves) a great disservice. And to the person who doesn't want a government agency teaching children this "crap"-- sorry, you're part of the problem. Sorry for the long post- but that attitude really pisses me off.

psychopolarbear 28

That would make way too much sense #47

Thank you 117. Mr concise over here seems to think I am limited to only thinking about the LGBT community. Teaching "tolerance" to kids solely as a blanket term without telling him of the ways that people differ from one another is not going to solve a damn thing. I only brought up sex education because it was related to the FML. Bullying is a huge problem in society but teaching kids "don't bully" isn't stopping it from happening, they need to be educated on specific differences (race, sexual orientation, gender, socioeconomic status, culture etc) so that when they meet somebody different than them they have at least heard unbiased facts and it may keep them from resorting to making fun of them. Education leads to acceptance, which means a hell of a lot more than mere tolerance.

So we can be f*cked over by politically correctness

why? there's only one sexual orientation. well actually 2. right and wrong

It's actually brilliant because you were able to explain it to her before any prejudices could reach her.

Education is the key... I'm hoping it was just innocence on sisters part.

snarkytruth 37

That's what it sounds like to me too sounds funny and kind of cute. Besides the sis is totally right she doesn't have any boy parts right? Now she is set straight (see what I did there) she learned something new and they have a funny story to share.

What I find sad is that, despite it being the 21st century, people still have to "come out". Your sexual orientation should not be anyone's business and certainly should not have to be explained to others.

Nothing says you have to come out. It's not like skin color, you don't just pick it up by looking at somebody.

CaroAurelia 12

I sort of agree, but I don't feel like not being straight or cis should either be a big deal. I'm bi and I'm not out to everyone because it's kind of a big deal, but when I have kids, if they're not straight I want them to feel comfortable just bringing who they like home and not making a big deal of it.

snarkytruth 37

I agree straight people don't go about announcing about their sex preferences or how they like their sex behind closed doors why should any one else feel it's necessary? It's personal and nobody cares except maybe their family. If you ever really loved someone in your family you'll continue to love them whether you agree with their choices or not. I think society has taken the door off the closet it's old news already. Just live your life and mind your own affairs no big deal, nothing to declare.

TallMist 32

I agree people shouldn't need to come out of the closet, but, of course, when people look at you, they'll automatically think "hetero" or "Not transgender". Even your parents. So, eventually, you will have to tell them, or show them.

112- But people will pretty much always assume that you're straight. Not that it's really their fault but it can be annoying to have your relatives ask if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet when you're actually not into that gender, or to have your friends point out/talk about attractive men when you're actually into women, etc. So it kind of becomes necessary to 'come out', at least to some people, at that point. Plus, a person's sexuality is often a big part of their identity so it doesn't always feel good knowing that people close to you are oblivious to such a big part of you. Straight people 'don't go about announcing their sexual preference' because everyone will assume that they're straight anyway. sounds like she was confused but took it well?

For updated info, the word hermaphrodite is no longer used, the term now is intersex.

Another reason sex end needs to be updated.

Yeah, I remember reading somewhere that intersex is used for creatures that normally have a binary sex system, while hermaphrodite is used for animals such as snails that all have all the parts. :o)

The term is NOT intersex. It's ambiguous genitalia. I have a daughter who has a condition that in many cases (not ours thankfully, no surgery was needed, so no risks from surgery or healing time was necessary) can lead to ambiguous genitalia and confusion at birth (girls that have what looks to be male genitalia are confused as boys). Intersex is insulting to most of the people I have talked with children who had or have ambiguous genitalia. They are not in between sexes. They are either male or female but had to have blood tests done to confirm which, then it was decided if surgery is done at birth, later when the child can decide or not at all. Ambiguous genitalia, once again, is the preferred term.

71: Nah, I think intersex is used too. For example the full acronym for LGBT is LGBTQIAP, the "I"standing for intersex. I have read articles and watched videos by intersex people who use that word to describe themselves, so I think it's a pretty generally accepted term.

71: Also, the label intersex can be used for people with one type of genitalia, but a mixture of chromosomes, like someone with male genitalia but female chromosomes. So the term "ambiguous genitalia" would exclude someone like them.

Hi, The term is Intersex as in LGBTI (the I standing for Intersex), you're talking to someone who identifies as it!!

No, 83, someone with male genitalia and female chromosomes is a female with ambiguous genitalia. I'm telling you, from a very personal standpoint, for someone who actually has these issues, and doesn't just 'identify' as the opposite sex, the term intersex is insulting. Very insulting. I saw a guy get punched put for telling a woman she was intersex, she's a female. OP was talking about sexual parts, not just 'identifying,' but actually having the wrong genitals, which is **not** intersex. You can identify as intersex all you want, but unless you actually are a woman with a penis or a man with a ******, and they do blood tests to determine this, you won't understand how insulting that term is.

106: unless you're intersex you don't really get to decide if it's acceptable or not, very, very few intersex people don't like the term - and your phrasing sounds like you're really mixing up intersex and transgender.

TallMist 32

#106 There's a difference between being intersex and being transgender. Being transgender means identifying as the opposite sex and typically means wanting to go through transition to have the body match how you feel. Someone that's intersexed has the genitals of both men and women.

I have never heard of an intersex person who did not like the word. Is it possible that the woman who was offended was a trans woman and didn't like being mislabeled?

TallMist 32

There's a difference between being intersexed and being transgender.

who tf doesn't know that for a 17 yr old?

lol have you seen some of the other FMLs about teens like this?

Well, it seems like she was confused and not hateful. Hopefully the explanation makes her more clear and accepting of you.