By TedX - 19/8/2020 20:07

Denial

Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML

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1517

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This Charming Man

Corporate ass

Overbearing much?

By anon - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35889

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13230

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By lynnie - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31997

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6050

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By Frustrated - United States

Today, I tried to work on my attitude at work. People say I'm mean, so I tried to be nice all day. Apparently I'm now condescending. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27252

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3938

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By TDCC - United States

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36202

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9966

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By The Seamstress - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2009

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5374

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By Summer Loving Happened So Fast - United States - Cookeville

Today, after two years, my girlfriend finally got over her intimacy and commitment problems, with a guy she met over the summer. FML

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38054

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3264

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By ER Birthday

Unhappy Birthday

Today, I got home from the hospital. Yesterday was my birthday, and I got a piece of steak caught in my lower esophagus, resulting in a trip to the ER and an overnight stay so they could put me under and fish it out. I’m not allowed meat for a month while they find out what caused it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1371

You deserved it

178

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59027

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By katgib13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

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33261

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By Lonelyhopeful

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

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8525

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946

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By Anonymous

Today, I got on a crowded bus and was forced to stand. The bus made a sharp turn, so I reached for a pole to hold onto. Without looking, I grabbed the pole. It was wet and moist, but I nonetheless held on until the turn was done. I turned to see I had also grabbed a large man's nose and had squeezed it. FML

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1188

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829

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By anyoi - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29221

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3418

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By dgordo3 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

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14178

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25708

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

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28415

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3155

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By Deaf and Dumb

Today, while on the bus, the girl in front of me asked me if I could find the orange she'd dropped. I couldn't see it, but when I told her that there was no orange there, she gave me the strangest look. She'd said ring, not orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3941

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576

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

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32998

You deserved it

4250

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2021 20:30 - Canada - Dartmouth

Thanks for the support

Today, I came home upset about the sexism in my work place. I just wanted to be alone, but my husband insisted we talk about it. I noticed he kept looking over and one of his hands was moving. He was playing video games the entire time I was spilling my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

982

You deserved it

171

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By Jamie - Denmark

Today, I got my first facebook friend request in 4 months. I also got a message in my inbox. The message said: "Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Just ignore my friend request." FML

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50051

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7464

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By wtf - United Kingdom

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

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42536

You deserved it

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By gracie511

Today, my flight was delayed 3 hours so I was scrolling through my phone. Minding my own business, I was swiping through tinder and some guy behind me goes, “Ouch; hard no for that one?” And I turn around only to see the man I JUST swiped left on. FML.

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2501

You deserved it

491

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By Courtney - Reserved

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8426

You deserved it

34579

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By failedexam - Canada

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

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35667

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By ouch! - 22/8/2020 08:02

Innocent

Today, I was playfully chasing my daughter along the waterline at the beach when the biggest, buffest, lifeguard I’d ever seen full-on NFL-style tackled me. Apparently I "looked like a creep" chasing a young girl. My ribs hurt like the devil and my daughter won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2005

You deserved it

142

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By kyyle - United States - Chicago

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

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46105

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4842

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By Bart - France - Lille

Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML

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28254

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By Anonymous - United States - Kennebunk

Memory man

Today, my girlfriend and I were doing the dirty, when she told me to say her full name, including her middle name. I'd forgot her middle name. It was completely awkward after. I'm a dumbass. FML

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7657

You deserved it

3240

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9338

You deserved it

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By my face though - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

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20751

You deserved it

2437

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By Sarah - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

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29030

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3044

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By Anonymous - United States - North Port

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

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43395

You deserved it

3206

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By Megan Snair

Today, my cat threw up on the floor while I was taking a nap. I woke up, still groggy from the nap, and walked over to the bathroom. Not only did I slip on the vomit, spreading it all over the floor and myself, I think I somehow broke a toe in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1476

You deserved it

171

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By itsnotyouitsme - United States - San Francisco

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

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11286

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By - - United States

Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML

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51939

You deserved it

4531

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By sucksforme. - Canada

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

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65004

You deserved it

6327

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27483

You deserved it

1734

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By -bird-poop- - Germany

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML

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48834

You deserved it

7513

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By Matt L - 21/8/2020 14:07 - United States - Staten Island

Bad day

Today, I discovered a nail in the tire of my car and a nice sized crack on the screen of my phone. I didn't think the day could get worse, until on my way to fix my tire, the cherry of my cigarette fell off and burned a huge hole in my driver's seat. This was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

768

You deserved it

1217

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

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26009

You deserved it

1599

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By roo - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a flight home. I'd worn a belt because my skirt was too big. When I walked through security, they asked me to remove my belt. My skirt fell down in front of everyone. FML

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27845

You deserved it

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7932354 - Wednesday 19 August 2020 20:17

Just show her Brokeback Mountain. You can be gay and married to a woman. See how that turned out?

By jkjorn | 15

#7932551 - Thursday 20 August 2020 17:06

Give her time, eventually she'll come to terms with the fact that your future wife just might be male.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7932354 - Wednesday 19 August 2020 20:17

Just show her Brokeback Mountain. You can be gay and married to a woman. See how that turned out?

By silverscrescent | 12

#7932389 - Wednesday 19 August 2020 22:51

Maybe imaginary wives count?

By jkjorn | 15

#7932551 - Thursday 20 August 2020 17:06

Give her time, eventually she'll come to terms with the fact that your future wife just might be male.

By Warren Slater | 4

#7991412 - Wednesday 5 May 2021 14:11

Strength man! All parents act out a little . You'll get though it and she'll lighten up.