Love: Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first... - FML

By Karim - France - Aix-en-provence

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35415

You deserved it

3169

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Rock n Roll is a dirty business

Tasty

By Rakoric

Today, my wife and I went kayaking for the first time in the ocean. She got seasick and just before she threw up, leaned over the side and tipped the kayak over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4750

You deserved it

399

Tweet

Share

By Loki16 - United States - New York

Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8419

You deserved it

736

Tweet

Share

By HornyWife - 13/6/2020 02:02

Out of order

Today, I'm on my honeymoon. My husband and I cannot consummate our marriage, because his penis has an open wound due to… vigorous masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2185

You deserved it

309

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Tehachapi

Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61704

You deserved it

6504

Tweet

Share

By Rojo

Today, I was notified that my work is cutting my pay almost in half. I just renewed my long-term lease on an expensive apartment because I was able to afford it before this morning. Now I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2323

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By vanessa560 - Canada

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32987

You deserved it

8287

Tweet

Share

By sleepless - United States

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52952

You deserved it

2880

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44260

You deserved it

3612

Tweet

Share

By jackskellington - Australia - Bankstown

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36854

You deserved it

2823

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Wedding dress

Today, I walked down the aisle when a bug flew into my mouth. In a response, I threw up on my beautiful white wedding dress. I had to party and be in the pictures in someones spare pink dress for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2140

You deserved it

234

Tweet

Share

By Ignored - United Kingdom

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39422

You deserved it

12193

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/1/2021 19:59 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Renovations

Today, after buying an old house that lacks plumbing a few weeks ago, I’m still crapping in a bucket in the barn. My two favorite Christmas gifts are still 2 pieces of rubber to dampen the noise from my new sewage pump and a used ceramic toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

601

You deserved it

296

Tweet

Share

By DoesNotLikeCubes - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40530

You deserved it

10975

Tweet

Share

By Robert

Today, a judge ruled against me. I filed for divorce because my wife got pregnant even though I had a vasectomy. Apparently, not informing your spouse of a vasectomy is worse than cheating in the eyes of the court. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5785

You deserved it

1302

Tweet

Share

By sickofsick - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41545

You deserved it

3961

Tweet

Share

By Off to Canada - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, my class was given the assignment to have an informal discussion, debating who would be the best fit for president of the US. The school's security guards were called in after the Trump supporters started fights with everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20439

You deserved it

2213

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lake Mills

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47027

You deserved it

3870

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 19:59

Iron Chef America

Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

486

You deserved it

370

Tweet

Share

By tara - Switzerland - Zug

Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22877

You deserved it

1885

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/5/2020 17:00

Indifference

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me having phone sex with another guy. He either didn't notice or didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks

479

You deserved it

4753

Tweet

Share

By random - United Kingdom

Comforter

Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35433

You deserved it

5378

Tweet

Share

By lalala - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38764

You deserved it

3680

Tweet

Share

By authorsubmit - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15827

You deserved it

47463

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Chilly

Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30325

You deserved it

2615

Tweet

Share

By bleurghh - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30777

You deserved it

8814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She started chatting with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28022

You deserved it

2221

Tweet

Share

By :$ - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the next two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24464

You deserved it

7487

Tweet

Share

By Kate - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65571

You deserved it

8221

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I'm a graduate but still an unpaid intern. My daily work is folding letters and putting them into envelopes. The sad thing is, I actually enjoy doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26931

You deserved it

7796

Tweet

Share

By LLCoolBean - United States

Today, my boyfriend was inside a cell phone store talking to a sales guy while I waited outside. I sent him a text, not realizing that the guy was using his phone to call customer service. A topless photo of me shows up on his phone when I text him. The sales guy looked. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11528

You deserved it

58696

Tweet

Share

By slightlyfamous - Canada - Port-menier

Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20791

You deserved it

2250

Tweet

Share

By thanksmom - United States

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29104

You deserved it

2849

Tweet

Share

By gymgirl - Hong Kong

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13534

You deserved it

48054

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25307

You deserved it

4623

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48581

You deserved it

3774

Tweet

Share

By Lucky - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45095

You deserved it

6232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, at work I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then shows up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32568

You deserved it

5031

Tweet

Share

By thisreallyhappened - United States

Today, a little girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63641

You deserved it

3949

Tweet

Share

By AOart1st - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36087

You deserved it

17518

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southampton

WTF VHS?

Today, a teacher asked me to edit a video of her class. Unfamiliar with cameras that work with video tape, I accidentally recorded over her video. The footage is impossible for me to get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1123

You deserved it

915

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Allie614032 | 34

#7617010 - Thursday 29 March 2018 21:36

F your girlfriend's life.

By Glitterbaby2613 | 18

#7868684 - Saturday 21 December 2019 1:24

😂😂😂oh i LOVE this

COMMENTS

By Allie614032 | 34

#7617010 - Thursday 29 March 2018 21:36

F your girlfriend's life.

By Glitterbaby2613 | 18

#7868684 - Saturday 21 December 2019 1:24

😂😂😂oh i LOVE this