fiftyno
Tacoma, United States
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Same thing different taste
boblaj
Hastings, United Kingdom
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Divorce?
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
GroosedOut
United States
Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML
Anonymous
Gig Harbor, United States
Read and learn
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
I_dislike_Twilight
United States
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Time for a divorce, I think
Edison, United States
My love language is…
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Anonymous
Redmond, United States
You what now?
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Ouch
Touch crowd
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Anonymous
Las Vegas, United States
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
i fking love docb
Christiansted, Virgin Islands, U.S.
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Top comments
RealTalk0 7
She's doing it for you, buddy. I'd be flattered.
Volcan_fml 22
So your wife thinks she's Kristen Stewart now?
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Comments (219)
ObeyStudKing 4
Stop ******* bitching! Be happy she's spicing up your sex life, but instead no you want to complain. Go **** yourself for being the jackass you are. Better yet send her my way where she will be appreciated.
bobgooeyflonder 6
15- I think your profile pic perfectly describes what happened to me when I read comment #2.
neurodoc 1
Time to remodel one of your rooms... And get a contract with an NDA. Tell her what happens in your house stays in your house.
gc327072 31
Because it is a wretched thing, but just won't go away.
P374RD3D 9
I'm probably going to change it. It kinda gets old when people keep relating it to the comments.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Beat her ass with the book. She'll find out pretty quickly that she isn't a multiorgamic pain loving foot fetishist freak.
duravian 1
I don't get it. How is laughing worth so many down thumbs?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
This is FML. Having a sense of humour is forbidden.... amongst the miserable majority/growing minority. FML.
evilplatypus 39
72 - Because it added absolutely NOTHING to the conversation. If they found it amusing, they should put together a coherent thought and say what they found funny about it: it's funny you got stuck with an idiot wife, it's funny your wife thinks that garbage is amusing, it's funny your wife finds that face sexy, etc.
iwadasn 33
You're an idiot. You don't actually think 50 Shades of Grey invented that, do you?
julieanne719 0
I'm sure he doesn't, but since it's his wife I'm sure he'd know if she had been reading the book and trying to emulate the characters.