Insanity - FML

Insanity

By mental - 02/09/2019 18:01 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I had my first appointment with my new therapist. After I told her my family history and past abusive situations, she looked at me and asked, "How are you still sane?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 123

Mama's boy

Empathy lives

Compromises

10/07/2011 12:49 - United States

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 248

You deserved it 6 784

Not now, Kelsey

By Amy - 01/04/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 647

You deserved it 7 222

19/04/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 654

You deserved it 75 103

08/05/2019 10:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, two guys robbed me. As I wrestled them on the ground, my best friend just stood next to all this, telling me to give them the money already, or we'd be late for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 216

22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Spicy

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 656

You deserved it 8 922

30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 340

You deserved it 12 824

High school drama

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 20:04

Today, I found out the promise ring my boyfriend of 4 months gave me used to be his ex-girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 201

24/03/2015 12:58 - Belgium

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 931

You deserved it 5 557

12/08/2011 17:25 - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 738

You deserved it 5 000

28/07/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 410

You deserved it 3 321

02/06/2011 14:49

Spicy

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 606

You deserved it 16 019

05/12/2012 23:27 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 499

You deserved it 1 826

25/02/2019 00:00

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 238

You deserved it 189

Ninja!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 702

You deserved it 99

02/09/2015 15:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she let out a blood-curdling scream. Turned out she'd searched for My Little Pony pictures and stumbled upon a drawing of Rainbow Dash giving another pony a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 837

You deserved it 4 994

05/02/2017 07:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I start my second shift at my new job. Apparently, I'm closing by myself. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 860

You deserved it 508

02/11/2012 05:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 585

You deserved it 2 838

14/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 962

You deserved it 4 485

17/10/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 897

You deserved it 7 567

13/07/2011 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 546

You deserved it 8 480

29/03/2016 16:27 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was working out and doing box jumps. My friend thought it would be funny to kick the box aside as I tried to jump onto it. Now I have 2 broken teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 301

You deserved it 1 550

31/08/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 225

You deserved it 2 695

06/12/2009 07:28 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 385

You deserved it 31 787

23/03/2013 11:43 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 171

You deserved it 3 473

01/01/2014 13:26 - United States - Lynnwood

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 318

You deserved it 10 540

05/09/2014 02:59 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 603

You deserved it 3 693

03/08/2012 22:50 - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 938

You deserved it 1 934

As a matter of fact…

By Hangryko - 11/05/2021 08:01 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother told me to my face that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't have had kids. Thanks, Mum. It's not like I asked to be born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 88

A cashier's life

By amy - 16/10/2013 21:52 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 717

You deserved it 3 960

10/08/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 727

You deserved it 13 445

12/02/2016 06:26 - United States - Burton

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 995

You deserved it 3 727

11/06/2019 04:00

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 161

16/05/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 876

You deserved it 2 866

21/06/2018 17:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 761

You deserved it 248

03/09/2012 23:43 - United States - Saukville

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 255

You deserved it 1 936

25/04/2011 12:11

Today, I was mugged. The guy mugging me was eating a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 365

You deserved it 7 356

19/07/2019 14:02

Today, I was at a store. I asked if I needed a key for their bathroom, and they said the door was open. I have to walk past them to go in and out of the bathroom. Thirty seconds later, they used the key and walked in on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 91

08/11/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 356

You deserved it 4 384

24/03/2016 05:25 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 374

You deserved it 6 966

28/07/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I went on a group job interview, where all the applicants seem to have the same qualifications. When the interviewer dismissed all of us but the prettiest girl, outraged, I told him he was a prejudiced pig, and should be ashamed of himself. Apparently she was the only one who had a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 724

You deserved it 58 680

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Top comments

jbuckets_404 38

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Tuesday 3 September 2019 0:57

OP, I'd consider that to be a compliment of your inner strength and resiliency in the face of significant adversity ie, nothing to sniff at.... Good luck to you! :-)

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 3 September 2019 0:16

"I'm not. Why do you think I'm here?!?!"

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 September 2019 0:16

"I'm not. Why do you think I'm here?!?!"

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 September 2019 0:57

OP, I'd consider that to be a compliment of your inner strength and resiliency in the face of significant adversity ie, nothing to sniff at.... Good luck to you! :-)

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:49

Like the other commenters, I say to take it as a compliment. Your therapist may not have worded it well in the moment, but it seems to me that she meant it as a compliment to your mental strength so far, even if you don’t believe that you are that strong yourself.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 September 2019 13:29

*smerk* by people like you. As you put your numerous cats in order by size.... LMAO :) congratulations on getting help. I hope it works for you.

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Tuesday 3 September 2019 20:28

I would have told him that I was never sane to begin with

kmorse 14

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Tuesday 3 September 2019 22:25

Just made my first appointment ever with a therapist and I wonder if this will happen to me too 😂 Congratulations on seeking help - it seems like it's the hardest part.

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Tuesday 3 September 2019 23:18

Looks like you got in a good situation with a good therapist, and that things could only improve. Wish you the best of luck!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 48

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 113