Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position.... - FML

By Divorce?

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3933

You deserved it

569

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Expanding universe

Great quality control

By Username

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30425

You deserved it

4398

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a really important meeting for my career. The guy I was supposed to be meeting was driving from across the state, and it was supposed to begin at noon. It's now 4. What if I leave and he shows up after having driven across the state? I don't dare move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1684

You deserved it

142

Tweet

Share

By sonotsuave - United States - Arlington

Today, I was tutoring. When my kids were finally working on their own, I stood in my classroom’s doorway to talk to my boss sitting outside about upcoming work. Suddenly, one of my students sitting directly behind me let out the loudest fart ever. I think my boss heard and thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

By aelia_oups - France - Taverny

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

52209

You deserved it

7511

Tweet

Share

By marie0908 - France - Siros

Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36165

You deserved it

13453

Tweet

Share

By flyakite29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came home and announced that she'd just bought a $40 pair of flipflops. She then declared that I wouldn't be getting a birthday gift this year due to budget shortfalls. For hers a month prior, I'd got her a $300 piece of jewelry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48490

You deserved it

5388

Tweet

Share

By qwaynick

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32931

You deserved it

6576

Tweet

Share

By bitchypast - United States - Rockland

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30291

You deserved it

2206

Tweet

Share

By Anna - Estonia

Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31921

You deserved it

4472

Tweet

Share

By Ploeboi - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33262

You deserved it

8849

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess.The first thing my son said was "Did you bring pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2719

You deserved it

301

Tweet

Share

By wahwah - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39080

You deserved it

6247

Tweet

Share

By Crumpet - Canada

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54893

You deserved it

5271

Tweet

Share

By Jebus - Canada

Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28667

You deserved it

2391

Tweet

Share

By Ohdear - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1564

You deserved it

559

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21778

You deserved it

2335

Tweet

Share

By Enko - France

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56407

You deserved it

5221

Tweet

Share

By ash - United States - Winnebago

Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12891

You deserved it

1746

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Concord

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46808

You deserved it

5513

Tweet

Share

By Rodrigeuz26 - United States

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

37154

You deserved it

4462

Tweet

Share

By school issues - United States

Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49512

You deserved it

5166

Tweet

Share

By - 20/12/2019 20:00

Christmas pictures

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, wearing just a Santa hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2730

You deserved it

288

Tweet

Share

By district12 - United Kingdom

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29844

You deserved it

2884

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50903

You deserved it

4512

Tweet

Share

By sexual parrot

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57472

You deserved it

16021

Tweet

Share

By Bugga2018 - United States - Freeport

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12294

You deserved it

894

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, we woke up to two inches of water in our finished basement, which my wife and I use it as our bedroom. The plumber found roots in our sewer line. The kicker: we just bought the house four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2584

You deserved it

231

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14944

You deserved it

50432

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28266

You deserved it

1962

Tweet

Share

By dannyboy1422 - United States

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35833

You deserved it

3634

Tweet

Share

By anon - United Kingdom - Wareham

Today, I spilled loose face powder on myself while applying my make-up. My sister subsequently walked in on me vacuuming my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23417

You deserved it

4431

Tweet

Share

By sigh - Singapore - Singapore

Lovely parents

Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2184

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By only 10 more hours to go - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

33150

You deserved it

3347

Tweet

Share

By very analytical - United States - Ashland

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26171

You deserved it

8514

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Columbia

Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22761

You deserved it

1763

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Tilehurst

Right in the snowglobes

Today, my sister kicked me in the balls just before I went into the bathroom, as she wanted to use the shower first. Later, when I came out of the bathroom, she kneed me this time in the same spot because apparently I always make a mess in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1090

You deserved it

148

Tweet

Share

By LinaLinaYeah - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11841

You deserved it

28384

Tweet

Share

By LadyLump - United States

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35984

You deserved it

4567

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Shreveport

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43492

You deserved it

9124

Tweet

Share

By mooselord - United States

Today, I was driving home, when a truck overtook me. Two of the Christmas trees it was carrying fell off straight into my bumper. The car behind me pulled over, but instead of seeing if I was okay, he just went to see whether or not either of the trees was in good enough shape to take home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39903

You deserved it

2817

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By afallingstar | 22

#7511259 - Saturday 29 July 2017 0:58

Revoke his man card immediately.

By MidnaLink | 32

#7511235 - Saturday 29 July 2017 0:48

Your username… really, you contemplating divorce over a movie that he was watching.

COMMENTS

By kazekai8 | 11

#7511222 - Saturday 29 July 2017 0:33

Mistakes were made XD

By vshah | 13

#7511223 - Saturday 29 July 2017 0:35

That's so much worse?

By MidnaLink | 32

#7511235 - Saturday 29 July 2017 0:48

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

April91 | 12

#7511264 - Saturday 29 July 2017 1:02

Exactly what I was thinking ..

Reply

dharmaint | 15

#7511319 - Saturday 29 July 2017 1:36

I do believe this is sarcasm

Reply

adventureinthesea | 14

#7511358 - Saturday 29 July 2017 2:04

issa joke

Reply

Stiggy626 | 25

#7512131 - Saturday 29 July 2017 12:27

I guarantee it's 99.5% a joke. funny tho, right?

By LeoCor | 18

#7511238 - Saturday 29 July 2017 0:49

At least it wasn't 50 shades

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7511239 - Saturday 29 July 2017 0:49

Twilght may be both a terrible book and movie series but I don't think it should ever be the main reason to divorce someone.

By afallingstar | 22

#7511259 - Saturday 29 July 2017 0:58

Revoke his man card immediately.

By Norja | 33

#7511277 - Saturday 29 July 2017 1:08

Twilight!? An affair would have been better. Contact your lawyer immediately.

By acmariner99 | 23

#7511284 - Saturday 29 July 2017 1:13

This FML is a better story than twilight

By Dethknite | 4

#7511294 - Saturday 29 July 2017 1:18

divorce is too good for him.

By jessicasoho | 13

#7511301 - Saturday 29 July 2017 1:21

If you contemplate divorce over such petty reasons perhaps your marriage won't last. Even joking about divorce gets old and it will only be a matter of time before he does divorce you. Such negativity in marriages are normally one-sided. Be the better half, not the cancerous side.

Reply

sophiehelen | 32

#7513075 - Saturday 29 July 2017 23:14

You'd be a great person to take to a comedy show