Miscellaneous: Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice... - FML

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 14:50 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice do not grow up to be rats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 791

You deserved it 2 838

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Late term

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 23:08 - United States - Saddle Brook

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 393

You deserved it 2 297

Trick question

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 21:57 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 554

You deserved it 33 558

Catfished!

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 05:56

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 198

Slides are for the beach

By badtoeday - 04/10/2021 05:00

Today, while shopping at a store, my big toe decided that it was deeply infatuated with my shopping cart wheel. So much so, it rammed itself straight into it. It took everything in me not to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 168

By LonelyOtter - 11/12/2018 14:00

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 333

You deserved it 240

By Joe - 08/07/2011 18:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 636

You deserved it 22 348

Ideal location

By Garageless - 14/10/2020 05:02

Today, I live near the bottom of a hill, where there's a curve and I'm seriously considering moving, because someone drove through my garage into the ravine. Insurance says they don't cover "Acts of God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 24/04/2012 04:44 - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 871

You deserved it 5 769

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 416

You deserved it 61 363

By jayden5 - 15/05/2009 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting next to this really cute guy in choir class. Trying to make conversation, I asked him what his favorite song was. He replied "Leave Me Alone". I asked him who it was by and he said, "It's not a song, I just want you to leave me alone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 279

You deserved it 9 216

By J Money - 03/09/2018 04:00 - United States

Today, I'm being paid to watch paint dry. I work for military defense, and the door l just painted is an opening for a secure lab, so has to be monitored nonstop. This cannot happen until the paint dries. The U.S. government is literally paying me to watch paint dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 919

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 844

You deserved it 43 480

By guttedgirl - 04/06/2011 11:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend's band has become quite popular on YouTube. My friends and sister won't stop singing their songs. Most of them were written after I dumped him, and go on to say how much better off he is without me and how horrible I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 315

You deserved it 23 507

By alone - 06/02/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I committed to babysitting on Valentine's Day not because I needed the money, but because I just got dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 961

You deserved it 2 774

Delirious fever days are the BEST!

By Sheila Deville - 24/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's day 5 of being out of my mind with a fever. I actually uttered the words, "Spit is a lubricant, not a frictioncant or gripperorator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 833

You deserved it 3 164

By Paul - 02/05/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 964

You deserved it 2 599

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 06:50 - Singapore

Today, my son told his teacher that she "has a nice rack." He's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 11 703

By Anonymous - 09/09/2014 20:23

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 314

You deserved it 7 734

It never rains…

By Anonymous - 25/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was at work when I got a call to say my grandad died. When I was walking out to my car, I realised someone had stolen all my hubcaps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 83

By lolzor - 12/03/2009 12:07 - Australia

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 451

You deserved it 105 943

By huulo - 16/11/2010 10:07

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 441

You deserved it 27 984

By jalapenos99 - 02/04/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I was playing in a basketball game and blocked this kid's shot. I was really pumped up about it until I realized the kid had cerebral palsy and the coach put him on the team because he really wanted to be on at least one team in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 547

You deserved it 54 765

By Anonymous - 16/09/2018 12:30 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I just landed in Washington, DC. Unfortunately, I also took off from Washington DC an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 171

By charlie043 - 11/09/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 801

You deserved it 41 941

Unfulfilled

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 00:00 - Romania - Campina

Spicy

Today, my alarm rang just as I was about to have a wet dream with my husband. This is the closest I got to having sex in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 133

By captainuniverse - 14/05/2016 05:53 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 001

You deserved it 1 269

Redecorating

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 17:12 - United Kingdom - Amersham

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved into my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 958

You deserved it 12 319

By hitlerfish - 14/03/2017 22:00

Today, while meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, the first comment I received was, "Well, at least this one is white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 909

You deserved it 437

By diapersplease - 07/06/2015 01:17 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 347

You deserved it 2 702

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 130

You deserved it 914

By WaitedOut - 03/10/2012 08:07 - United States - Saukville

Today, at work, I got to wait on one of those tables where everyone had very complex orders, and some of them sent their food back. When the time finally came for me to bring them their check and receive my well-earned tip, I returned only to discover that they'd dined and dashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 255

You deserved it 2 106

Asshole

By WetWalking - 21/03/2013 13:31 - United States - Tyler

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 127

You deserved it 3 745

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 637

You deserved it 2 368

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 19:34 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 152

You deserved it 9 524

The gays

By kolgate - 15/02/2012 10:12 - United States

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 621

You deserved it 3 144

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 20:00

Today, I found out why I get so red all over at parties. Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 191

Fast Cars

By Chris21 - 11/09/2019 22:04 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, a drunk driver totalled my new Audi. Who was the drunk driver? My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 910

You deserved it 147

By peter - 11/09/2009 04:33 - Indonesia

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 676

You deserved it 2 974

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Top comments

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:55

No, stupid boys who cheat on girls grow up to be rats.

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:55

Of course they don't gro up into rats! They EVOLVE into them!

Comments

jacquesromualdez 12

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:54

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Awahso 25

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:56

Between a mouse and a rat...?

evilplatypus 38

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:56

It's like lion versus tiger. Similar, yet two completely different animals.

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:41

13. But both can talk.

Kn0wledge123 21

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:46

Ch-ch-ch-Chip n Dale! Rescue Rangers!!

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:58

Chip 'N Dale are neither rats nor mice, but chipmunks, so not sure where you were going with that...

Silent_Thrill 17

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Monday 1 October 2012 20:19

Maybe he's comparing Chip n' Dale's transformation to the mice transforming to a rat. You know, a mouse grows up to be a rat and Chip n' Dale grow up to be male strippers. Yeah... that's definitely what he meant!

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Monday 1 October 2012 21:12

...does this mean I'm gonna be a stripper?

unknown_user5566 26

Monday 1 October 2012 22:30

Squeaky, I sure hope so!

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 0:24

Oh god.

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 6:32

SqueakyChipmunk I was just waiting for you to come along.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Wednesday 3 October 2012 2:17

Shit, an ambush!

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:55

Of course they don't gro up into rats! They EVOLVE into them!

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:57

*grow. (Stupid autocorrect.)

MissEmma_fml 22

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:30

I'm pretty sure it was a joke. Tumblr will teach you the popularity of the "stupid autocorrect" joke.

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 4:31

So a rattata?

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 5:07

How cheesey! That's raticulous. I find it amazing really rat he would think such vermin. It sure was mice of you to have talked to him about that pesty mix up.

MormonPornstar 7

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 10:09

^ Try Hard Pro

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Thursday 4 October 2012 7:49

Pikachu!

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:55

No, stupid boys who cheat on girls grow up to be rats.

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:11

Amen

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Monday 1 October 2012 20:11

Doc, don't insult rats like that.

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Monday 1 October 2012 20:11

Well that and snitches who betray their friends grow up to become rats.

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Monday 1 October 2012 20:44

Eh guess my rat's just weird then. He grew up and became a chef.

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Monday 1 October 2012 22:35

Arrite, it's gotta be eider Johnny Tightlips or Jimmy da Squeala.

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Thursday 4 October 2012 2:39

Well! That escalated quickly!

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:57

Aw. I think it's cute that he's retarded.

WeAreAHurricane 14

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Monday 1 October 2012 20:01

Lol I understand why you're getting thumbed down, but your comment actually made me laugh. Must have been the irony.

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Monday 1 October 2012 21:05

Well I just learned something new. Thanks, op.

nonst0porigins 2

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 5:16

Funny

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Wednesday 3 October 2012 1:57

I think it's cute too

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Thursday 4 October 2012 7:19

Hahahhahaaha(:

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:58

So if he sees mice in your house, does he think it's not a problem until they grow up? Cuz either way you should call an exterminator...

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:11

Or they where at a pet shop and saw the two animals?

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 2:47

That's why I said if he sees them IN HER HOUSE

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 4:16

The mouse in my house grew up to be suplexed by a mouse trap 2 days ago :-)

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Thursday 4 October 2012 2:40

Dick.

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Monday 1 October 2012 18:58

He has it wrong, everyone knows that bats eventually shed their wings to become rats and mice grow to become picachu

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Monday 1 October 2012 21:00

I'm sorry. Great comment... But... Pikachu* It was just bugging me :(

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Monday 1 October 2012 22:32

It's ok, I wasn't 100% on spelling and I was debating if I should capitalize it or not. My thoughts were that because Pikachu is not a human name and there can be more than one, it should be lowercase. :) Thanks anyway for the spell check.

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 0:14

You're welcome. And now I'm doubting whether or not it's capitalised... I think it is?

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 2:45

Pikachu is correct :)

b00ms 1

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 4:34

Ha

anythingmustbe 18

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:00

I wonder who told him that. I smell a rat...

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:55

I just smell a moron. (And it ain't just you, 10!)

WeAreAHurricane 14

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Monday 1 October 2012 22:34

^same guy who smelled his breath on the bus?

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 0:30

Talking to me, 56? If you are, I'm not sure I get the reference--sorry.

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 13:25

I see what you did there

Ozuru 11

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:00

No...beavers shrink to become rats.

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:11

What an idiot... He's all yours op... Congrats!!

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Monday 1 October 2012 19:20

Your boyfriend is a moron.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 16

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 19

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 151

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 239