fiftyno
Tacoma, United States
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
boblaj
Hastings, United Kingdom
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Divorce?
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
GroosedOut
United States
Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML
Anonymous
Gig Harbor, United States
Read and learn
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
I_dislike_Twilight
United States
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Time for a divorce, I think
Edison, United States
My love language is…
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Anonymous
Redmond, United States
You what now?
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Ouch
Touch crowd
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Anonymous
Las Vegas, United States
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
i fking love docb
Christiansted, Virgin Islands, U.S.
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Top comments
RealTalk0 7
She's doing it for you, buddy. I'd be flattered.
Volcan_fml 22
So your wife thinks she's Kristen Stewart now?
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Comments (219)
lenamartinovic 13
There's nothing wrong with lip bitting... That is if your name is Stana Katic.
ktkate28 0
Damn Anastasia Steele!
hugepenises 1
That book lead to my pregnancy, because I had to try the whips and chains... But if your girl is holding out, make her read that book!
BadKitty13 28
The books were awesome. I don't know why you are all pissed off about your wife biting her lip. It's for YOUR benifit. You must really be a Prude and very uneducated in the act of sex for you think that is a terrible thing.
Discombobulated9 12
How does biting your lip enhance your sex life? And since when has Fifty Shades been a realistic sexual tips book? If you think it's 'normal' for a woman to lose her virginity by a guy slamming himself into her, then I'll think you'll find it's you who's uneducated in the act of sex.
b00ms 1
I was gonna comment the same thing, until I saw you thumbs downed.
hotshot2626 9
Maybe everyone is different but how if this an FML? Nothing is hotter when a chick is into you and into the moment and shes starts biting her lower lip. Its a sign. your doing well haha.
cis1den 0
~ Its a Trap, burn all her books! ~
EricaJoy 0
What's the issue with it?
ddeek 3
It's "practicing" no s.
littlehollycocks 0
Maybe she was staring at her complexion and biting her lip cuz she was considering how to get rid of her pimples or something. Also, having to explain to my 51-yr old mom what "suspension" means is enough to make me uncomfortable around her for days. My grandma claimed the book series made her miss grandpa. That's a bit more FML, especially having just watched my grandpa pass away last August ... Now I feel gross.