By I_dislike_Twilight - 08/09/2011 12:52 - United States

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
I agree, your life sucks 39 391
You deserved it 4 700

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Egnar 19

Give her what she wants. Start acting emotionless, leave bite marks on her neck and constantly tell her how you guys can no longer be together because your extended family wants you killed. Oh and don't forgot the constant whining and being annoying. If you want to be bold you can also remind her anytime she wants to have sex that blood no longer flows through your body so you're unable to get it up and please her.


Egnar 19

Give her what she wants. Start acting emotionless, leave bite marks on her neck and constantly tell her how you guys can no longer be together because your extended family wants you killed. Oh and don't forgot the constant whining and being annoying. If you want to be bold you can also remind her anytime she wants to have sex that blood no longer flows through your body so you're unable to get it up and please her.

mynameis1339 0

Wow a bit to extreme there buddy

GrammarNaziFTW 0

5 - Seems about right to me, I don't know what you're talking about.

And remember, if she attempts suicide, it's only for attention.

Exactly! Why can't boys be more like that...... -sarcasm everyone...-

krazy_glu3 0

Replay the video, except say this is why you are looking towards divorce now.

fthislyfe 22

Actually, unlike what you think, women love being with an emotionless guy... I know I'm gonna get thumb downs but it's true... And that's why twilight has millions of fans! P.s: I hate twilight!

Mipz 2

I don't know one girl who wants an emotionless guy. And I' a girl as well.

fthislyfe 22

Girls don't like to admit they do! But it's a psychological fact. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll chase you! I've seen thousands of examples!

Egnar 19

No, 56, tweenage girls like twilight because they mistake it for being romantic. A vampires undying devotion to one girl and the lengths he'll go through to keep her. Girls mistake this for how a guy should treat a girl and they wish "wow I want a guy like Edward" but they don't realize all the flaws Edward has makes him a terrible boyfriend/mate. They're all stuck in this backwards and old school mentality that women are prizes that men need to fight for, but, in this age of strict desire for equality BOTH parties need to fight for each other.

fthislyfe 22

#74: I agree most twilight fans are teenage girls. But OP's wife isn't a teenager. Plus, many women don't have the guts to say they like twilight, while they do. Maybe you're right, maybe that's not love. But that's what all women secretly want. And Stephanie Meyer (IDK if the spelling is right) knew about it. Girls/women love twilight because Bella was a normal girl not the perfect girl advertised in the media. Women try to be fit, beautiful, etc etc to get men's attention. But Bella has the attention of a very good looking and romantic guy. And that thought is fascinating to them. You can't blame them because that's how they are made (as stupid as it is!). Men don't see why women love Edward's behavior. And that sounds stupid to them. And I can't blame them for that either. Anyway, I repeat: I HATE TWILIGHT! But let's face it. MOST girls (and not all of them) love to be treated that way. Even though it sounds crazy.

Tell her that gay people aren't willing to have sex with women, and that video is all a contradiction.

gunmania0 12

Good shout 74... You've obviously read twilight.

fthislyfe 22

#85: I've never read the books. And I only saw the first movie of twilight. Didn't see the rest of it cuz it sucked!

fthislyfe 22

85: I don't think 74 has read the books...You don't have to read the whole crap to realize how crappy it is

63- There's a difference between being emotionless and being hard-to-get.

Egnar 19

I haven't read the books - I've seen the first movie [which I understand is a travesty even to the books, as I'm told] because my sister wanted to see it and I felt like being a good sibling [or a bad sibling depending on how you look at it]. I'm not typically the kind of person to chastise something without having experienced it in its entirety but from what I've seen of the first movie, interviews with the writer, trailers and tidbits from the other movies and from one of my best friends who unfortunately recently became twilight obsessed I think I've developed a fairly accurate depiction of the female desires that Stephenie Meyer managed to exploit. I have nothing against the author, mind you, kudos to her and I'm jealous she was able to exploit emotion the way she has to become such a world sensation, but it doesn't mean I approve.

KiddNYC1O 20
EnEl_Infierno 15

Hmm papas fritas, wait... Que?

fakeaccountX 6

You're missing glitter. Lots and lots of glitter.

LaydiexSkull 3

-56 I dated an emotionless dud for a year...I can't remember a SINGLE interesting conversation with the guy. NEVER. AGAIN.

Also, pretend she's a moronic teen who got knocked up with a chestburster vampire.

Exactly! I mean, how old's your wife, like 13?

bryannab1 0

I read the books before the movies and stuff and they were, and are, amazing. However, the movies and the Actors/actresses in it are awfull and give Twighlight a bad rep. Jacob iss suppose to be this light in. Bellas life who is like a brother to her, although he feels differently. The romance between edward and. Bella is pretty much like 83(?) said. I would LOVE to be adored like that, for a guy too love me so much that he would. Be willing to do anything for me. Maybe a little less over pretective though.

122's comment made me laugh hysterically ... Thank you. But, overall, Egnar is right: as a potential mate, Edward really sucks. Being a bookworm (and, in this case, a sucker), I've read the books. He constantly leads her on, abandons her when things get tough, involves her in danger and needless intrigue, won't **** her, and is basically a jackass at all times. But, HELL NO!, she can't pay attention to anyone else!!! Then when he feels she isn't an option after rejecting her, he decides to commit suicide. Yeah. Dream lover, right there. As for the movies, I couldn't get past Kristen Stewart's bad acting and blinding overbite to comment.

Egnar 19

But Kristen Stewart is so good at that one expression she has!

Egnar, you mean that "I can't quite close my thin lips over my horse-teeth, but am trying to be sultry while actually I am befuddled" look? Yeah, she's got that one down stone-cold.

I read the Twilight books after the first movie came out just because I was intrigued, and I was hoping that the book was better than the movie. Twilight is not a bad series, exactly.. Look at how successful it's been. It would've been better if the author had a half decent editor or had someone else to write the book for her, but it's a cute love story.. kinda. The imprinting thing gets ******* creepy and I think the author has some daddy issues, but it's not as bad as everyone likes to think. The fangirls have made it unbearable.

enonymous 8

63 - I've ignored you my whole life. You still have yet to chase me. Would it help if we played duck duck goose and you were the goose?

fthislyfe 22

#175: I wanted to come up with a good come back.... But I saw your profile and I can't blame you...

ManicGypsy 22

#1, your comment is so right on. Don't forget to tell the OP to wear sparkly glitter any time he's going out in the sun, so he sparkles like a pretty vampire is supposed to. (yeah, that was sarcasm)

Wow, you are definitely a fan of Twilight. The grammar never lies and now all I'm seeing is that twilight still sucks.

You really thought out your response, didn't you? I used to be a crazy, vampire-obsessed Twilight fan and I thought their couldn't be any guy in this world who's better than Edward but I started noticing how Bipolar and depressing his character - and mood swings - truly is and I was like, "Why the hell would I wanna date a guy who PMS's more than me?" And, honestly, I could never be with a guy who's prettier than me. I mean, what a blow to my self-esteem. I think most fans are just see what they want to see and all they see is this perfect, gorgeous, romantic, gentlemanly Prince Charming who never swears and has a shitload of money and doesn't care that Bella doesn't look like Megan Fox's twin. Sure it would be nice if all guys turned a blind eye to all our physical faults but then again, they're not fully accepting you, are they? They don't really love you and all your flaws. We have to be realistic. There are hardly any guys in this day and time who even remotely resemble Edward Cullen so, live with it, I would say...

I was referring to #98 in the first sentence.

I've read the books too, and let's be honest...Twilight is not amazing. It is a piece of shit, wasn't written well, and had the most tedious plotline to the entire saga. Nobody should ever have to suffer some delusional fantasy because of Twilight.

kewlkate 9

Glitter, we need A LOT more glitter!

Go Team No-One-in-the-*******-idiotic-creation-called-Twilight

KiddNYC1O 20

I'd rather go Team Snooki, if I had to choose................

EnEl_Infierno 15

Wait, so was it obsessive stalking, lack of sex, or bad acting that was missing from this marriage?

Jacob is the ******* hottest man on earth! His face was carved by?!

GrammarNaziFTW 0

Nothing says this is what we need like an indecisive female, an obsessive dog-man and a dramatic sparkly guy. I applaud her

KiddNYC1O 20

I shall now watch The Lost Boys to cleanse my mind.

KiddNYC1O 20

Both Kristen Stewart and Pattinson are even weird in real life. She should have stood in that panic room and drag him along as well.

EnEl_Infierno 15

Hey GrammarNaziFTW you forgot the period at the end of your comment.

GrammarNaziFTW 0

I did. Thank you for correcting me.

If she wants you to start acting more like Edward, then she must be crazy. I don't see obsessive, stalker-like behavior as romantic. Start watching her sleep and see how romantic she thinks it is.

uprising_fml 0

she wants you to invest in vampire teeth And get kinky with it .

Is your wife by chance on acid? Because she'd have to be on something to think twilight is romantic. I mean come on name one romantic thing in twilight?

Wolveslikepie 4

Umm the two wierdos obsessively in love with an unattractive female

It's umm... uh, can I get back to you on that?

If it had been an Underworld montage, would it have held your attention?

yusaku02 20

Maybe she wants to start getting into some kinky biting sex