Today, for some reason entirely beyond my knowledge, Siri referred to me as "Sugartits". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML
Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML
Today, I used Siri to text my VP asking for a good time to talk. Siri helpfully changed the text to ask for a "good time to talk my dick" and sent it before I could change it. FML
Today, I realized I'm so socially awkward that I can't even talk to Siri without stuttering. FML
Today, I was listening to music on my phone. I activated Siri by mistake, which stopped the music. I told Siri to, "turn the damn music back on." She replied, "Now calling Afton." Afton is my ex. While trying to quickly end the call, my phone froze and the buttons stopped working. FML
Meltdown
Today, like most days, my mom screamed at me for not knowing the answer to one of her random questions. When I told her she could easily Google it or ask Siri, she went full nuclear meltdown and raged, "I’m not asking that bitch Siri, I’m asking YOU!" The words "batshit crazy" come to mind. FML
Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML
Send message
Today, while messaging a possible new hire to set up an interview at my retail job, I meant to say, "Thank you for being flexible" - in regards to scheduling. Instead, it autocorrected to, "Thank you for being delicious." FML
That's a bad look
Today, I renamed my home Wi-Fi to “PleaseTalkToMeSarah” to hint to my crush/neighbour. Later, I realized the whole apartment building could see it, and had worked out who it belonged to. Now strangers keep asking if Sarah had talked to me yet. She hasn’t. FML
Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML
Top comments
brewmasterg 34
I hope you know she signs your emails that way.
Cads1 24
Siri knows best.
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Comments (82)
rec_chem 22
Siri calls me "Your Majesty". She only calls you what you tell her to call you. You must have been druuuuuuuuuuunk. Lol
ezrajab 22
That's hysterical!
daemonsparta 16
she calls me nothing because i have galaxy
psychocrystal 8
If I leave my phone alone and my boyfriend finds it he tells Siri to call me "towelhead"
Tonymac617 16
You can ask Siri to call you anything you want. I had her call me master for a while since I was feeling neglected at home and needed to hear a woman's voice call me something important FML lol
mitchell360 13
Must've been hacked haha
HowToGetFired 15
Do you have a bf? Bc it's probably him
Rainbow_Princess 16
At least she didn't call you vinegar ****...
sarcasmwins 24
I'll take Sugartits any day over her response for 'What's zero divided by zero?'.
afrostybird 25
This isn't a bad thing! Haha