Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

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Proactive

Don't shoot the messenger

Near the knuckle

By Crystal Crackles

Today, I used my rear windsheild wiper and it shattered a large hole in the glass where the rotating part is. No one can repair the window until tomorrow afternoon. It's snowing. FML

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By Noname - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

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By forever alone - Germany - Apolda

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

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By bleurghh - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

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By -__-

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

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By Evra - United States

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

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By funkmylife69

Mr. Smooth

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

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By black and yellow - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

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By NextTimeMom'sDriving - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

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By jill - United States

Today, after weeks of money slowly disappearing from the stash in my bedroom, I confronted my son about it. I'm not sure which is worse: that my son is a thief or that he actually blamed his father for it. We've been divorced and haven't spoken for eight years. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML

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By tomoxishigaki - United States

Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML

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By Sleepy - United Kingdom - Hayes

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "look at this face I can make!" and she grossly contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "stop making fun of your sister!" FML

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By NightHawk4926 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

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By Anonymous

Fight!

Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML

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By Ropebunnbon

Today, after leaving for the city inspector to make sure everything was up to code, my husband and I remembered that we'd forgotten to take down the rope bondage setup and equipment in the closet. We came home to paperwork on the kitchen counter and the closet door open. FML

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By James - United Kingdom - Cirencester

Lost

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

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By Ugh - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

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By sarajj - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

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By no tea parties here, gran - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

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By crazycat - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

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By morgan_rumm

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

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By Abused - Australia

Practical

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

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By porcelainleigh - United States

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

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By BackToRehab - Canada

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Yucaipa

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

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By LC - United States

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

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By immature - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

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By phukt - United States

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

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By SaucierGirl

Today, I was told that since I've had only three or four periods since 2013, there's 60 periods worth of blood clotted in my uterus. They gave me medicine to make it all come out in one week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

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By thanksforthat - United States

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

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By MGZ - United States

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

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By kprice6 - United States

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was getting out of the car, my 7-year-old son opened the door for me. I thought it was very gentlemanly of him to do that, until he smashed my thumb with the car door. FML

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Top comments

By may14th | 26

#6235758 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:31

at 2:00 the fox shouldn't be saying anything

By jentrynicole | 20

#6235757 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:30

Tell him the fox says to shut up.

COMMENTS

By jentrynicole | 20

#6235757 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:30

Tell him the fox says to shut up.

Reply

coming back in the future | 30

#6235878 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 11:47

OP's neighbour should be called IE

By may14th | 26

#6235758 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:31

at 2:00 the fox shouldn't be saying anything

Reply

_parth | 20

#6236126 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 17:31

Well fox at 2 am says. Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!.

By KatPlaysMC | 14

#6235759 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:31

Omg I feel so bad for you

By Weiss_Schnee | 14

#6235760 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:34

Start playing nyan cat, only louder.

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6235803 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 9:31

Add what I think is called leekspin :D

Reply

pinkster2014 | 25

#6236095 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 16:39

But what if he likes that too, and then he starts playing THAT? xD

Reply

Ichiya | 29

#6236236 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 20:02

Wheebl's narwhal song m
on loop.

Reply

cari_cat | 19

#6236364 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 23:03

I agree with #40 this sounds like the neighbour's perfect 2am playlist

By quesok | 22

#6235761 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:34

What does the spleen say?

Reply

karma_kicks_back | 16

#6236343 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 22:20

Depends how hard you kick it...

Reply

gintwinsmoore | 20

#6236349 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 22:38

cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-crack!!!!!

By Xeebar | 28

#6235773 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:44

I remember the good old days when foxes said nothing.

By HereNReady | 13

#6235775 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:47

After all this time? Gangnam Style may be in your near future.

Reply

JKPwnage | 25

#6235954 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 13:23

And possibly Harlem Shake

By ToxicTyrael | 26

#6235777 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:49

Tell him the fox barks and you're going to buy a dog if he doesn't stop harassing the neighbourhood at 2 a.m.

By wishfulthinks | 19

#6235778 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:50

If he has a dog, offer to look after it for a few days and teach it to bite whenever it hears that song. Problem solved!

By esemexicano | 9

#6235785 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 9:03

so....what DOES the fox say?

Reply

thes7274473 | 19

#6236388 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 23:43

High pitched barking noises. Imagine a beagle puppy.

Reply

mellajella | 14

#6236607 - Thursday 19 March 2015 4:42

Ding ding ding ding ding dingading

Reply

TallMist | 32

#6269967 - Wednesday 22 April 2015 22:26

Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!
A-oo-oo-oo-ooo!
Woo-oo-oo-ooo!
A-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
a-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
A-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
A-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
Bay-buh-day bum-bum bay-dum