Miscellaneous: Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

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Serious times

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Property law

By sad associate - United States - Bastrop

Today, I swung my arm with a product in my hand, and the product flew out of the packaging and hit an old lady on her head. FML

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By Eisenhorn - United States

Today, our mouse problem finally started to go away. Now we have a snake problem. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

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By FueledByFate - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

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By pissedoff - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

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By unhappystudent - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, after a long night of studying, my roommate and her friends decided it would be fun to throw a mini party in my room at 7am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

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By mitsuko045 - Ireland

Today, after moving into my new house, I agreed to let my house mates have a house warming on the condition it be a small one, as I have exams all day that day and one that I can't fail on the very next morning. The facebook event guest list now has 100+ confirmed guests. FML

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By shonfyr - Spain

Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML

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By L_M_AND_R_L - United States

Today, I asked my mom not to bring her dog to my wedding, since he's a real pain in the ass. She told me not to worry about it because she didn't feel like going anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

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By Shamdog48 - United States

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

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By shopper242 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

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By seethroughpee - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

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By morgan_rumm

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

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By Nicole557 - United States

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

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By workaholic - United States

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I confronted my girlfriend over how she and a male friend have been going out together, drinking and partying, and at one point holding hands in the street. She angrily accused ME of cheating, because "confronting people like that" is apparently something only cheaters themselves do. FML

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By KTBeck - 26/5/2020 14:00

Three is the magic number

Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML

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By bizzyizzy0121 - United States

Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML

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By Evjoel - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

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By Dweeb

WOOF!

Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML

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By Smiley - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

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By anon

Today, my wife and I got into an argument. She ran out, yelling. Later, at work, I felt guilty, so I picked up some flowers and a card. When I presented them to her, she looked puzzled. I made the mistake of reminding her about our argument. She is now mad at me, again. FML

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By Economess - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

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By faye - United States

Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charleston

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

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By Mouse

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

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By MaggotMother - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

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By kill me now

Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie. FML

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By doctorsandnurses - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I laughed about a fold in my girlfriend's jeans that felt like she had a tiny boner. She started crying. Turns out she has a slight deformity. Oops. Explains why we've been taking it so slow. FML

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By Anonymous

How shocking!

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put his dog shock collar on me to wake me in lieu of my alarm. You know how those cartoon characters look when they're electrocuted? That's exactly how I woke up. FML

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By notafatlump

Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML

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Top comments

By may14th | 26

#6235758 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:31

at 2:00 the fox shouldn't be saying anything

By jentrynicole | 20

#6235757 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:30

Tell him the fox says to shut up.

COMMENTS

By jentrynicole | 20

#6235757 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:30

Tell him the fox says to shut up.

Reply

coming back in the future | 30

#6235878 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 11:47

OP's neighbour should be called IE

By may14th | 26

#6235758 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:31

at 2:00 the fox shouldn't be saying anything

Reply

_parth | 20

#6236126 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 17:31

Well fox at 2 am says. Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!.

By KatPlaysMC | 14

#6235759 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:31

Omg I feel so bad for you

By Weiss_Schnee | 14

#6235760 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:34

Start playing nyan cat, only louder.

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6235803 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 9:31

Add what I think is called leekspin :D

Reply

pinkster2014 | 25

#6236095 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 16:39

But what if he likes that too, and then he starts playing THAT? xD

Reply

Ichiya | 29

#6236236 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 20:02

Wheebl's narwhal song m
on loop.

Reply

cari_cat | 19

#6236364 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 23:03

I agree with #40 this sounds like the neighbour's perfect 2am playlist

By quesok | 22

#6235761 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:34

What does the spleen say?

Reply

karma_kicks_back | 16

#6236343 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 22:20

Depends how hard you kick it...

Reply

gintwinsmoore | 20

#6236349 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 22:38

cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-crack!!!!!

By Xeebar | 28

#6235773 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:44

I remember the good old days when foxes said nothing.

By HereNReady | 13

#6235775 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:47

After all this time? Gangnam Style may be in your near future.

Reply

JKPwnage | 25

#6235954 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 13:23

And possibly Harlem Shake

By ToxicTyrael | 26

#6235777 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:49

Tell him the fox barks and you're going to buy a dog if he doesn't stop harassing the neighbourhood at 2 a.m.

By wishfulthinks | 19

#6235778 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:50

If he has a dog, offer to look after it for a few days and teach it to bite whenever it hears that song. Problem solved!

By esemexicano | 9

#6235785 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 9:03

so....what DOES the fox say?

Reply

thes7274473 | 19

#6236388 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 23:43

High pitched barking noises. Imagine a beagle puppy.

Reply

mellajella | 14

#6236607 - Thursday 19 March 2015 4:42

Ding ding ding ding ding dingading

Reply

TallMist | 32

#6269967 - Wednesday 22 April 2015 22:26

Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!
A-oo-oo-oo-ooo!
Woo-oo-oo-ooo!
A-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
a-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
A-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
A-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
Bay-buh-day bum-bum bay-dum