Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/3/2015 21:11 - United States

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

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Instadrama

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Live dumping

By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

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By neryc - 4/7/2014 19:41 - United States - Hummelstown

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2014 18:57 - United States - Sebastian

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2009 03:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tip toed out of the room did I realize that my cell phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML

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By caught - 9/1/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

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By sarabalism - 17/12/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

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By PicturePerfect - 2/3/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2015 17:01 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2014 21:18 - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

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By JustCantWin - 17/10/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

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By dawg3360 - 7/6/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

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By peachass - 29/12/2016 04:59 - Australia - Melbourne

Today at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 17:30 - Switzerland - Corminboeuf

Today, I told my parents I don't really like children and probably won't have any in the future. They sat me down and gave me a lecture on how people who hate kids are heartless. FML

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By why me?? - 7/8/2013 04:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

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By Jon - 7/7/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML

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By Scarlett_Pixie - 24/12/2016 09:46 - Australia - Toowoomba

Today, my partner convinced both of our little brothers that we are naming our son Obi-Wan. They now won't stop rubbing my belly and quoting Star Wars. This is going to be one long Christmas. FML

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By thanks, dad... - 30/8/2013 17:24 - Romania - Baia Mare

Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked "who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door: "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

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By Nutty - 16/11/2018 22:00

Today, I finally spent the night with a new guy after recently ending a 3-year toxic relationship. The new guy disappeared for 2 hours in the middle of the night, then came back to bed. Turns out he was busy snogging my housemate. I really choose them well. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 07:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

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By tapeissticky591 - 14/7/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I finally had sex. The entire time he kept begging me to fart, especially on him. FML

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By misc - 13/9/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

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By oneloveliz - 17/9/2017 23:15

Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2011 10:26 - Singapore

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By nudie - 19/7/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 15:47 - United States - Peachtree City

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

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By Shoofly - 4/3/2011 22:54 - United States

Today, while at Subway, I looked on as an employee killed a fly with his hands. He then continued working without a second thought. He was making my sandwich. FML

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By one_BAMF - 25/7/2010 05:06 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

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By Lovestupid - 3/11/2009 09:25 - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

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By fryebaby623 - 13/11/2015 05:47 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML

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By DM - 4/3/2013 20:02 - United States - Fayville

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

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By earths_venus - 24/7/2010 07:44 - Australia

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2009 20:02 - Canada

Today, I ran into a guy that I had gone on a few dates with 3 months ago and slept with him a few times, but then never heard from him again. When he looked at me, I went over and gave him a hug and said "Hey, how are you, Chris?". He hugged me back and said "Hey there cutie, what's your name?". FML

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By youmothERFUCKErs - 13/8/2012 17:50 - United States

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

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By fatpooch - 13/5/2010 06:01 - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

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By stay in there - 17/4/2020 23:00

Dumbasses

Today, I got a call from the local police station. Apparently, my idiot son and his equally dumb girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to have sex in the car at a park in broad daylight. They assumed no one would be there due to the quarantine. They were wrong. FML

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By ThisPerson - 19/5/2011 10:11 - Canada

Today, my 53 year-old art teacher told me she's excited about going clubbing this weekend. I'm excited about watching a special on the History Channel. FML

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By FUCK A FUCKING DUCK - 23/11/2012 17:20 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 19:58 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

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Top comments

By may14th | 26

#6235758 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:31

at 2:00 the fox shouldn't be saying anything

By jentrynicole | 20

#6235757 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:30

Tell him the fox says to shut up.

Comments

By jentrynicole | 20

#6235757 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:30

Tell him the fox says to shut up.

Reply

coming back in the future | 30

#6235878 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 11:47

OP's neighbour should be called IE

By may14th | 26

#6235758 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:31

at 2:00 the fox shouldn't be saying anything

Reply

_parth | 20

#6236126 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 17:31

Well fox at 2 am says. Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!.

By KatPlaysMC | 14

#6235759 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:31

Omg I feel so bad for you

By Weiss_Schnee | 14

#6235760 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:34

Start playing nyan cat, only louder.

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6235803 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 9:31

Add what I think is called leekspin :D

Reply

pinkster2014 | 25

#6236095 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 16:39

But what if he likes that too, and then he starts playing THAT? xD

Reply

Ichiya | 29

#6236236 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 20:02

Wheebl's narwhal song m
on loop.

Reply

cari_cat | 19

#6236364 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 23:03

I agree with #40 this sounds like the neighbour's perfect 2am playlist

By quesok | 22

#6235761 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:34

What does the spleen say?

Reply

karma_kicks_back | 16

#6236343 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 22:20

Depends how hard you kick it...

Reply

gintwinsmoore | 20

#6236349 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 22:38

cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-crack!!!!!

By Xeebar | 28

#6235773 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:44

I remember the good old days when foxes said nothing.

By HereNReady | 13

#6235775 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:47

After all this time? Gangnam Style may be in your near future.

Reply

JKPwnage | 25

#6235954 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 13:23

And possibly Harlem Shake

By ToxicTyrael | 26

#6235777 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:49

Tell him the fox barks and you're going to buy a dog if he doesn't stop harassing the neighbourhood at 2 a.m.

By wishfulthinks | 19

#6235778 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 8:50

If he has a dog, offer to look after it for a few days and teach it to bite whenever it hears that song. Problem solved!

By esemexicano | 9

#6235785 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 9:03

so....what DOES the fox say?

Reply

thes7274473 | 19

#6236388 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 23:43

High pitched barking noises. Imagine a beagle puppy.

Reply

mellajella | 14

#6236607 - Thursday 19 March 2015 4:42

Ding ding ding ding ding dingading

Reply

TallMist | 32

#6269967 - Wednesday 22 April 2015 22:26

Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!
A-oo-oo-oo-ooo!
Woo-oo-oo-ooo!
A-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
a-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
A-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
A-bubu-duh-bubu-dwee-dum
Bay-buh-day bum-bum bay-dum