Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, for some reason my girlfriend wanted to have sex in the bathroom at a family funeral. I’m sure that’s a sin, I mean… we definitely did it, so sorry Nana, but now I feel all wrong about it and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell one day. FML
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing, and having lots of kinky sex with, I’m talking "confess to a priest or take to your grave" kind of kinky, is actually my cousin who moved abroad when she was two years-old, and only just recently moved back here. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she'd been sleeping with him. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law freaked out my very religious fiancé by telling him fornication is gonna send him to hell, because when I was with them in January we had sex every day for a month and she's still mad about it. FML
Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he got a call from his best friend, whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzipped his pants and mouthed, "She won't know." FML
Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML
Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Oh, yeah, but that's the least of your problems. You're going to have to become a serial killer to keep turning her on. If you don't have targets, I have some requests ;)
rotflqtms_ 21
If it bothered you THAT much... you didn't have to pull out your dick for that *******. You could have walked away. It takes two. I'm sure she's not strong enough to hold you down while giving you a ******* that you didn't want... It takes two. You were as much a part of it as she was.
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Comments (18)
RichardPencil 32
Oh, yeah, but that's the least of your problems. You're going to have to become a serial killer to keep turning her on. If you don't have targets, I have some requests ;)
bobsanction 18
If you don't want her I'll take her.
Iamthebanzai22 21
She's a keeper in my book. Whoever passed probably had a good chuckle about it as well.
rotflqtms_ 21
If it bothered you THAT much... you didn't have to pull out your dick for that *******. You could have walked away. It takes two. I'm sure she's not strong enough to hold you down while giving you a ******* that you didn't want... It takes two. You were as much a part of it as she was.
idragosani 17
I'm sure Gramps would have approved
mekiswrite 21
Hell is for the fun people, anyways.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Die Antwoord: 'I fink you freaky and I like it a lot'.
Brightside86 31
Sounds like a keeper, well done.
Tom O'Halloran 9
if you gave your girlfriend a ********, the funeral is the least pf your problems....
Snailfarts 27
either that or she's using sex as a way to avoid her feelings..