Transportation: Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got...

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 16:52 - United States

Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 326

You deserved it 2 739

Transportation

Leave us alone

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

Bored

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 08:02 - United States

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 102

You deserved it 12 807

By evilparents - 01/11/2010 20:10 - United States

Today, I realized that my parents never ground me as a punishment because I don't get out enough for it to matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 943

You deserved it 5 963

By FabFor87 - 19/12/2016 16:15 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 637

You deserved it 510

By hatboxghost - 09/07/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 845

You deserved it 7 706

Winning

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 08:00

Today, I found out my fourteen-year-old daughter is making more money than me, thanks to babysitting and winning writing contests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 414

Awkward

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 14:02

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 266

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 080

You deserved it 3 224

So, it is not immoral ?

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yells at my dad for watching porn. My dad responds, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I have shown you!" He is also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 156

By 19kwhatever - 09/05/2013 01:22 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 751

You deserved it 14 429

By galladore - 12/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 436

You deserved it 4 901

By wtfisgoingon - 28/04/2013 10:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 221

You deserved it 3 657

By DumbassRoaster - 10/07/2016 19:44 - United States - Fairview

Today, I was woken up by my dad and my dog barking at each other, and my dad yelling, "I am the Alpha male!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 522

You deserved it 1 714

By smellymcgee - 25/06/2016 17:21 - United States - Farmington

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 387

You deserved it 777

By Anonymous - 20/02/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 797

You deserved it 4 998

By kierstin - 19/10/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 405

You deserved it 6 839

Tailor Swift

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 17:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I awakened from my peaceful slumber in a great mood. I walked into my closet, ready to pick out an outfit for the day, to find my two year old daughter, kneeling on the floor with a pair of scissors in her hand, cutting up my wedding dress - my wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 792

You deserved it 14 195

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 79

By baseball25635 - 01/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 408

You deserved it 40 329

By FML - 05/07/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 995

You deserved it 4 597

By Somethingswrongwiththispic - 05/08/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 174

You deserved it 46 866

By speshlk37 - 20/08/2012 02:19 - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 160

You deserved it 9 538

By thatsjustgreat - 25/01/2009 00:27 - United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 793

You deserved it 9 240

By 99Problemsandfml - 08/11/2012 19:03 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 446

You deserved it 2 491

By tiredofthis - 10/10/2012 17:38 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 919

You deserved it 1 997

By broken - 28/07/2009 17:12 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 536

You deserved it 3 815

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 593

You deserved it 31 267

Bad, bad, bad

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 10:30 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 317

You deserved it 15 617

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 11:07 - United States

Today, I was tending the cash register. I scanned a lady's items which totaled $89.68. She paid with a $100 bill. I gave her $11.32 change. She angrily gave back the extra dollar and complained about "schools nowadays". I'm an AP Calculus student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 151

You deserved it 49 888

By VampiresSayRawr - 28/03/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 505

You deserved it 9 761

Full of himself

By myfavoritesgouda - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Manhasset

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself, after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 547

You deserved it 9 623

By TheMissMuffly - 31/07/2012 15:53 - United States - Monmouth

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 817

You deserved it 53 000

Honey…

By greenintheface - 30/04/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 622

You deserved it 4 079

By Elayne Warthen - 25/04/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my soon-to-be husband and father of my unborn child is already married to another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 174

You deserved it 519

Shy bowels

By Dragoness11 - 27/03/2014 14:12 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 072

You deserved it 9 625

Anti Joke

By Anonymous - 14/02/2014 21:39 - United States - Daytona Beach

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 36 250

By waterspike - 29/01/2010 13:18 - France

Today, after finally getting a date with the girl I like, she invited her new boyfriend along as well. I ended up paying for their first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 727

You deserved it 9 931

By anonymous - 07/06/2012 11:00 - United States

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 539

You deserved it 3 735

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 511

You deserved it 10 505

By notsexy - 28/07/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 650

You deserved it 8 411

By N1ch0la1 - 08/08/2009 09:35 - South Africa

Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 123

You deserved it 2 961

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Top comments

graceinsheepwear 33

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:19

Well, ya know, if life is a highway, it's conceivable that your front lawn is indeed a road. Or maybe you just need a new realtor.

golden_warrior 23

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:22

and it's coming from United States. People around the world are going to have a good laugh about this.

Blee864 16

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:17

That sucks!

graceinsheepwear 33

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:19

Well, ya know, if life is a highway, it's conceivable that your front lawn is indeed a road. Or maybe you just need a new realtor.

friedpwnadge 25

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:38

That must be driving you crazy.

DyslexicPanda 12

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Sunday 30 June 2013 8:26

He made some pretty crash decisions.

golden_warrior 23

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:22

and it's coming from United States. People around the world are going to have a good laugh about this.

emeraldisle 30

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Sunday 30 June 2013 3:06

So you mean people in the US don't actually put their post box in the middle of the street?

jjessen 20

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Sunday 30 June 2013 3:21

No, it means that it gives other people from around the world to use the stereotype that all Americans are drinking dumbasses and will sue for no reason other than to sue

emeraldisle 30

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Sunday 30 June 2013 3:32

I was being sarcastic of course. I don't assume all Americans are arses and will sue for the littlest of reasons.

archnarquibquib 21

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Sunday 30 June 2013 5:06

#20- Not since the Month of No Electricity back in '99.

Epikouros 31

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:13

I was born in the Netherlands, in a house at a bend in the road that ran on a river dyke. Every other year or so some drunk driver ended up in our front yard. None of them threatened to sue us, though.

brebabee793 13

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:23

there is never any reasoning with the drunk..

Dracoboxer357 35

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:35

4- You'te right, there isn't. Just pop him one in the face and go back to watching MASH reruns or whatever. You'll feel better and he probably won't remember shit anyways. ;P Orrrrrr, call the cops, I'm sure it'll seem obvious when they arrive. ;)

niallo 23

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Sunday 30 June 2013 7:13

Offer him another drink and watch them become reasonable.

jw90 18

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:27

Goes to show getting drunk and acting stupid had 0 consequences

perdix 29

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:28

Now you can stop paying your bills for a while and have a valid excuse!

graceinsheepwear 33

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Sunday 30 June 2013 8:16

Oh, it took me an hour to figure out what this had to do with not paying bills. 'Cause the mailbox is wrecked! Duh on me. shit.

Grand_Cookie 21

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:28

Drunk idiots are everywhere, but why is suing people always what people go to here? Why didn't you tell me my coffee that I'd sue you if it was cold was hot?! McDonald's made me fat! No bitch, 5,000 carb laced calories a day did that.

jjessen 20

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Sunday 30 June 2013 3:31

7 would you happen to be drunk? If so, go home.

Grand_Cookie 21

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Sunday 30 June 2013 3:43

Nope, just some heroin and belly button lint. So can I stay here?

jjessen 20

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Sunday 30 June 2013 3:53

Only if you share :)

CodeXana 9

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Sunday 30 June 2013 9:39

#7 the thing with the McDonalds coffee was that it had been steam heated to twice (or 3x) the normal temp, given to a very elderly woman with arthritis, then when she dropped it, she got 3rd degree burns on her genitals and surrounding area.

Paris25_fml 11

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Sunday 30 June 2013 11:05

That particular McDonalds had been warned more than once to lower their coffee temperature as well. The warning signs on coffee nowadays are to cover for any future issues with dimwitted employees.

Grand_Cookie 21

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Monday 1 July 2013 0:22

You learn something new everyday! Making them reduce their coffee temperature makes more sense than a "caution hot" sign on the lid though.

PulseShock 9

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:29

The guy is obviously a dumbass. I'd Seek legal litigation. So maybe you'll get a new addition to the house as well as new mailbox :). Sorry OP FYL

olpally 32

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Sunday 30 June 2013 2:31

Get his ass locked up and call the cops for destruction of property. And for being a dumb ass.

graceinsheepwear 33

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Sunday 30 June 2013 3:27

They should have a badge for using "dumb ass" in at least 50 comments. I won't be offended (nor surprised) if you call me one; I left it wide open. Or you might surprise us all.