By Louis

The FML Showdown!

Who's your fave this week! Check out these fine specimens.

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Body issues

By kenken5

Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn’t return the favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2173

You deserved it

336

Favorite

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46235

You deserved it

12146

Favorite

By thanks sis - 3/7/2020 05:02

Role model

Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1415

You deserved it

330

Favorite

Today, one of the customers at work shat all down the side of the toilet and on the floor. They didn’t even try to make it in the bowl. Guess who had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2185

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By really? - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43430

You deserved it

24086

Favorite

By dump truck hater - United States - Austin

Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me "DUDE guess what I got last night". A giant dump truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27659

You deserved it

2201

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:03 - Germany - Ebersbach

Preferential treatment

Today, my mom’s house has several comfortable places to rest in every room. For the cats and dogs, that is. Unfortunately for me, I'm a human. FML

I agree, your life sucks

594

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the landscaping job I started three weeks ago is actually for an illicit business run by a hippie who pissed away the entire payroll to fund his drug habit. He has no way of coughing up the $900 he owes me. I'm broke as hell, and my electricity is now going to get cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40981

You deserved it

4556

Favorite

By 50sStyle - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5467

You deserved it

394

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30534

You deserved it

2324

Favorite

By mindlost - United States

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8229

You deserved it

29371

Favorite

By Samantha - United States

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25156

You deserved it

42774

Favorite

By lolmyfduplife

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24604

You deserved it

2082

Favorite

By yourfault - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66676

You deserved it

6751

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 08:29

Thanks for all the help

Today, I found the Facebook album my sister took with her kids by the pool and out on boats while back in our hometown. My problem? I'm our dad's carer since his stroke and she had planned the trip as a mission to help me take care of him, but due to her kids being "sick", she only visited briefly. Twice. In 5 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1646

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By HairyBoobs - United States

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43296

You deserved it

6855

Favorite

By Alexxicks - 5/3/2020 12:02

So no one told you life was gonna be this way…

Today, I was asked a security question by my bank's app when I tried using it after a year. After two to three wrong attempts, I got it correct with the answer, "Myself." The question was, "Who was your childhood friend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1355

You deserved it

240

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 14:00

Artistic licence

Today, after spending at least 4 hours drawing a realistic shadow of a vampire for a picture contest, I finally remembered that vampires aren't supposed to produce shadows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1165

You deserved it

656

Favorite

By wrongnumber - United States

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24499

You deserved it

3190

Favorite

By Sam - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10028

You deserved it

29440

Favorite

By lizzard0416 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36842

You deserved it

9940

Favorite

By Ian Artis - United States

Today, I walked too close to a first-aid kit sticking out of a wall at work, and it cut my arm. Laughing at the irony, I opened it to get a band aid out. It was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29768

You deserved it

2803

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, at the ripe old age of 23, I now no longer have no control over my farts when I cough. My many young students find this hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

152

Favorite

By NNTA - Netherlands - Maastricht

WTF, dude?

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44196

You deserved it

4500

Favorite

By myself - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39215

You deserved it

3929

Favorite

By Tey - United States

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28823

You deserved it

17802

Favorite

By insanitycalling - Canada

Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26354

You deserved it

3460

Favorite

By Jeweler - United States

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74535

You deserved it

43615

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Glendale

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49029

You deserved it

18969

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having a break up fight with my fiancée, she informed me that the paternity of our unborn child was in question because one of the other guys couldn't remember if he got off or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3348

You deserved it

236

Favorite

By Single - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40237

You deserved it

6994

Favorite

By Dude - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to school after missing the first 2 weeks of the new school year. I got grilled in my first lesson by my teacher for "gallivanting around on holiday in some sunny place" when I should've been at school learning. My dad had died from liver cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62455

You deserved it

2925

Favorite

By ... - United States

Today, I found out that, after offering to fill out my student aid application for me, my mother sent all of my personal information to a scam site instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31816

You deserved it

4405

Favorite

By Suckered - United States - Hialeah

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25605

You deserved it

4677

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Surprise

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45852

You deserved it

9083

Favorite

By ChrisD2V - United States

Today, I photocopied several hundred pages of my school's textbook because I didn't want to buy it. My school later says to just buy it and it will be reimbursed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10823

You deserved it

33853

Favorite

By fmyboss

People never learn

Today, I was made fun of at work by my mom and my supervisor. I work at a kids' anti-bullying camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1710

You deserved it

185

Favorite

By Li - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28868

You deserved it

15278

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Woodridge

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15671

You deserved it

12875

Favorite

By RyanJarmanForPresident - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33165

You deserved it

5020

Favorite

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Top comments

By jkjorn | 15

#7445281 - Thursday 27 April 2017 15:28

Stevie takes it, on style points alone!

By eastpfcn | 14

#7445007 - Thursday 27 April 2017 1:13

Trent

COMMENTS

By E. H. | 14

#7444959 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 22:50

All of these are beautiful!

By eastpfcn | 14

#7445007 - Thursday 27 April 2017 1:13

Trent

By Vkfan | 28

#7445014 - Thursday 27 April 2017 1:39

I want stevie to the next Olympic games

By whatshername?! | 38

#7445212 - Thursday 27 April 2017 13:08

Stevie and the last guy

By ct5555 | 15

#7445269 - Thursday 27 April 2017 14:47

trent

By Talented73 | 54

#7445271 - Thursday 27 April 2017 14:48

#Trent

By jkjorn | 15

#7445281 - Thursday 27 April 2017 15:28

Stevie takes it, on style points alone!

By champlian | 10

#7449387 - Friday 5 May 2017 3:58

#stevie