Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light,... - FML

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 176

You deserved it 8 165

Hiding from the drama

Mother of the year

Compromises

By queenmabby - 16/01/2019 12:00

Today, for the first time ever, I was able to have a good hair day without blow drying it or using product. Or so I thought. The first words my mom spoke to me when I came downstairs were “Go fix your hair.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 234

By RosaP - 28/02/2009 06:40 - Canada

Today, I slept over at a friend's house. We decided to dress up as ninjas and play a trick on her younger brothers, sleeping in the basement. While sneaking down the stairs, in the dark, her mother came home. Thinking I was a robber, she beat me with a lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 290

You deserved it 42 227

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 17:02 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 079

You deserved it 1 711

Oh, hai!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2020 20:00

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 487

By cutthroatkait - 05/08/2014 22:44 - United States

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 694

You deserved it 2 997

By ThanksDog - 05/06/2016 21:26

Today, after months of planning the perfect night with my brother, who was coming home for 2 weeks from the military, he cancelled because he "missed his dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 411

You deserved it 1 490

Insurance fraud

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 20:02 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't have a license, backed up my car in a Taco Bell parking lot. Someone else was also backing up and smashed right into my car. If they ask to see the camera footage, they're going to see he was driving and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 826

By Noname - 15/02/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was at a fraternity party, and one of the hosts said over the loudspeaker "turn to the person next to you and picture them naked, then drink a beer if the mental image disturbs you". I turned, only to be face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend. He drank two beers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 279

You deserved it 5 609

By Bookworm - 05/06/2013 17:02 - United Kingdom - Singapore

Today, I was on the tram, when an elderly couple got on. I stood up to give them room to sit together, but as I stood up, the tram set off and I went flying, knocking the elderly gentleman over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 851

You deserved it 4 379

By really - 07/11/2014 00:30 - United States

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 957

You deserved it 4 331

Seize the day

By John S. - 25/04/2021 16:59

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 106

By snowmon06 - 10/07/2016 04:13

Today, a girl on my Snapchat list posted a story asking for anybody who was awake to talk to her. Me being awake, I took her up on the request. Her response? "Sorry I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 1 628

By sqquish - 01/03/2016 18:48 - United States - Smithfield

Today, while visiting my boyfriend to see his new puppies, I squatted down to pet one. The other began to lick my ankles profusely until I lost my balance and fell on him, breaking his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 865

You deserved it 4 596

By erika - 28/07/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I got a sunburn all over my stomach from a tanning bed. In an attempt to relieve the itching, I looked up natural treatments since we have no aloe. After trying yogurt, milk and mayo I found out that our water was shut off so the shower could be fixed. I now reek of mayo and milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 818

You deserved it 46 852

By katelouise2102 - 29/11/2010 12:39 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 134

You deserved it 6 613

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Holyoke

Today, I was told that when I was in middle school and thought I was considered class clown for either making jokes or acting stupid, people thought I actually was stupid and/or mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 861

You deserved it 2 557

By Lax - 12/01/2009 09:37 - France

Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 850

You deserved it 3 464

By mylifeblows - 19/08/2010 06:15 - United States

Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 965

You deserved it 8 468

By Anonymous - 18/06/2017 16:00

Today, I went to fetch our bins after they were collected, only to scare the child that was trying to fit inside our compost bin. Apparently, she's not allowed to play in hers because she already broke two by doing this. These bins are $75 a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 447

You deserved it 300

By mat - 21/01/2009 06:02 - France

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 160

You deserved it 2 593

By missalexa - 03/08/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 462

You deserved it 4 040

Oh no!

By AnnoyedandAutistic - 01/06/2017 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at my strict Christian grandparent's house when he said that it was impossible for anyone bigger than a grapefruit to be swallowed by a whale. My grandmother asked him, "What about Jonah?" to which he replied, "Oh, that's just a myth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 933

You deserved it 609

By StayPositive - 03/11/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 404

You deserved it 9 564

By savanna - 03/05/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. 30 minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 255

You deserved it 4 581

By CptZoe - 29/02/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend to marry me, because it's a leap year. He is now avoiding me for fear that I was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 711

You deserved it 16 423

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 00:15 - Brazil - Jacare

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "mom" while at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 982

You deserved it 2 854

By davy0540 - 30/11/2014 06:09 - United States

Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 968

You deserved it 9 793

By TaddM21 - 02/01/2015 03:18 - United States - Salem

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 762

You deserved it 6 888

Graded

By df22 - 03/07/2020 20:08

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 132

By chicagobulls102 - 10/09/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 685

You deserved it 2 782

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 046

You deserved it 3 159

By Anonymous - 28/01/2012 09:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 917

You deserved it 2 813

Quick reflexes

By fml9124 - 20/03/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 670

By LOTRfail - 27/07/2012 02:13 - United States - Malden

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 204

You deserved it 4 038

By hubby - 08/10/2013 17:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 506

You deserved it 5 770

By disturbed - 17/03/2010 01:34 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 339

You deserved it 3 335

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 952

You deserved it 3 286

By jaybob18 - 17/06/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 372

You deserved it 11 242

By LittleRed - 05/03/2012 08:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 913

You deserved it 4 245

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 19:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND...!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 013

You deserved it 2 405

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:58

Gross. FYL. And you know what, I bet half of the chicks telling her to stop dressing like a slut wear shorts and tanktops while outside on hot days. Does that mean you look like a prostitute? Fuck no. It's unfortunate this had to happen to her.

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Saturday 18 July 2009 3:41

Eww, I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I have had a similar thing happen to me and it is really gross. And to all you idiots saying stop dressing like a slut: I was wearing a long skirt and a white tank top (not low cut) when it happened to me, so clothes oftentimes aren't even the issue - it is the pervy old men. I'm sorry, but I am not going to walk around in an over sized turtleneck and baggy sweatpants in 80+ degree weather. And I shouldn't have to.

Comments

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:01

OMG, that sucks. :(

hellokittywhore 0

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Friday 30 April 2010 22:52

I gotta ask... what does it being 5pm have to do with anything??

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Thursday 1 July 2010 7:38

it's not too laght to see clearly is my guess

hockeyplayer82 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 6:37

she only works after 9

MizzKilljoy69 11

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Monday 27 August 2012 22:05

1 you're a faggot

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:05

i like chocolate

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:47

I like Cupcakes XD

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Saturday 7 August 2010 20:38

cupcakes rule.

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Monday 13 September 2010 2:22

agreed, and that's all I gotta say about that

whoisthisgirl 4

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Friday 3 December 2010 20:08

I like pizza...

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:05

Take a hint and maybe not dress like that? YDI.

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Saturday 18 July 2009 1:48

You don't know how she was dressed jackass. That goes to any other moron who left a comment similar to the fool who posted #3. (Yes, that includes you #5)

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Saturday 18 July 2009 2:10

While I sort of agree with you do you really think some guy would think she was a prostitute if she was wearing a turtle neck and sweat pants? It is highly likely that she WAS dressing as a slut. And if she was, she deserves it. If she wasn't then she can't stop dressing as a slut because she wasn't in the first place, so the comments become moot. Think before you try and correct someone next time.

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Saturday 18 July 2009 5:32

I did think about it "genius". I'm still pretty sure it's stupid to say "YDI for dressing like a slut" when you have no idea what she was wearing. She could've been wearing some heels and a leather skirt that went below her knees, is that what crazy people like you consider dressing like a slut? She can't help it if the old man is a jackass.

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Saturday 18 July 2009 15:59

Have you ever seen shows like Cops, they catch prostitutes soliciting all the time and some of them are wearing tracksuit pants and jumpers, so really it depends on where you are, not always how you're dressed. Kudos #57

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:07

What kind of makeup were YOU wearing? :-)

SpasticTurnip 4

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:10

Take the hint, Stop dressing like a slut :)

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Monday 13 September 2010 2:24

how the fudge do u know she was dressed like a prostitute? where does it say that in her FML ???

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Monday 13 September 2010 2:26

ps, emos = dumb ppl who enjoy cutting themselves while listening to heavy metal

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Sunday 17 July 2011 23:37

there's a really good chance she was dressed like a slut if she was mistaken for a prostitute, for obious reasons. maybe she wasn't, but I think she was. and there's nothing wrong with emo's, bitch.

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:14

arf

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:16

...and I have another excuse to not wear dresses or skirts.

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:27

lmao. that happened to a guy friend of mine. he punched the creep in the face though. fyl.

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Saturday 18 July 2009 4:15

That's right! Beat the shit outta that horny ass bastard!

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:31

lol like #3 said, stop dressing like a slut? xD

helpmeiamblind 0

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Friday 17 July 2009 23:32

I'm gay so I'd never of said that. :/

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Saturday 18 July 2009 0:01

not guaranteed, # 10. i dress modestly for the most part. jeans and a tank or a tee. and i still get creepers like that...

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Saturday 18 July 2009 0:03

Oh, people have said worse in terms of finding a reason people deserve it, #12. You get used to it after a while.

littlegolferboy 4

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Saturday 18 July 2009 19:21

Since #12 is a site staff member, I'm sure he has gotten used to it by now.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 81

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 87