Cats and Intimacy: Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little....

By pussystroker - 19/11/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 321

You deserved it 3 998

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 230

You deserved it 6 618

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 277

You deserved it 9 081

By Jake - 29/04/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 095

You deserved it 6 222

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 224

By Scared - 05/06/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 654

You deserved it 3 391

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 258

You deserved it 8 183

By o_O - 23/06/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 283

You deserved it 4 139

Excitation morning

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 688

By Noname - 04/02/2009 11:23 - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 092

You deserved it 38 824

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 989

You deserved it 10 551

Tarak_fml 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:16

Epicly awesome

Bloodknight 22

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:21

OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!

Comments

HXCxSceneKidx 0

Friday 20 November 2009 13:02

Shit I would too

HyperactiveJer 0

Friday 20 November 2009 13:36

What a sick old man.

Thhe 0

Friday 20 November 2009 15:40

I can't wait to be old so i can get awy with anything XD

kukopia 0

Friday 20 November 2009 20:03

The old guy got it from Johnny Carson.

kukopia 0

Friday 20 November 2009 23:07

So THAT's how you hook up with them....

Spastro 0

Friday 20 November 2009 23:26

hahahahahahahaha. if it's a true story, it's a classic.

LaughAtLaugh 7

Saturday 21 November 2009 0:57

that's just funny as hell!! YDI for not being able to laugh at life

tony91_fml 0

Saturday 21 November 2009 1:12

nice

Lucky2u 0

Saturday 21 November 2009 1:20

wow, that man is full of win!

tropicthunder 3

Saturday 21 November 2009 20:03

I hate old people

Keywords

Transportation Awkward Cars Embarrassing Kids Family Babysitter Relatable Thief Money Mental health Health Depression Wanker Work Love Bodyshaming Annoying Vacation Students Parenting Intimacy AITA First Dates Singing Animals Cats Public freakouts Weddings Cops

The Top

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 840

You deserved it 22 215

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 584

You deserved it 16 951

The Top

Today, during a family game of "Cards Against Humanity," I had to explain to my mom what queefing is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 946

You deserved it 6 834

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 736

You deserved it 2 921

Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 539

You deserved it 5 069

Today, I found out that the guy I was talking to for over a year, who told me he was dying from Covid, is perfectly fine and he just didn't want to talk to me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 125

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 347

You deserved it 31 505

Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 77

Same thing different taste

Smack my bitch up

Excitation morning

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