Love: Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was...

By pandasbear - 26/05/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 804

You deserved it 14 171

Love

Walk the line

Side effects

You sure it was your birthday?

By anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 664

You deserved it 8 924

Just BFF things

By slumber party for two - 06/08/2020 08:02

Today, my best friend came to visit from out of state. We had lunch, painted our nails and fell asleep sipping wine and watching movies. It was a perfect girl’s day. My boyfriend is now irrationally angry, because according to him it’s not fair that I can have a girl sleep over and he can’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 427

By notyourfriend - 09/09/2014 01:26 - Canada - Peterborough

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 342

You deserved it 3 440

By whoops - 06/04/2017 22:00

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night has a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw off top. Must have been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 638

You deserved it 2 083

By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 05:28 - United States - Lewes

Today, the only way I could get my boyfriend to come over for a serious discussion was to heavily imply I wanted to talk about having a threesome. In actual fact, I just wanted to break up with him face-to-face, because he barely acknowledges my existence unless he's horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 286

You deserved it 2 636

It's not unusual

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02

Today, I complimented my crush. No, I didn't call her beautiful or sexy, though those definitely apply. No, instead, I called her scrumptious. I can't even begin to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 10:32 - United States - Levelland

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 725

You deserved it 2 691

By crippled - 08/07/2014 08:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 122

You deserved it 4 269

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and explaining to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 498

You deserved it 7 580

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 167

You deserved it 8 563

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 02:00

Today, one of my UNIVERSITY students submitted an incomplete assignment file to the online learning platform. I emailed him, "You will need to send me the correct file via email, as the system does not accept resubmissions." I literally got as a reply, "So, what do I need to do?" Online teaching is hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 702

You deserved it 169

By some explaining to do - 25/12/2016 08:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 274

You deserved it 3 108

By oh lord - 27/05/2012 16:06 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 495

You deserved it 16 846

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 18:58 - Canada

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 2 406

By Anonymous - 11/10/2017 13:00

Today, my husband ate several slices of pizza and one whole ghost pepper. He then threw up all over the living room, hallway, and pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom before going directly to bed. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 906

You deserved it 416

It's all fun and games, until…

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 20:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I have to give some serious thought to hair extensions. Not for myself, though. My horse let her canine friend rip her tail hairs out during play, and now she has no defense against the bugs. Know any hairdressers who make house calls to horses? FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 73

By Nearly blind - 07/10/2018 17:30

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 837

You deserved it 575

By hellnooo - 15/08/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 016

You deserved it 7 594

By lonelyashell - 02/03/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 845

You deserved it 5 146

By 987564 - 22/02/2009 07:24 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was talking to my crush about making the soccer team. Excited, he congratulated me and asked for my number. I gave him my cellphone number. He laughed and said "your jersey number". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 587

You deserved it 11 373

By well then - 30/05/2015 05:40 - United States - Forest Park

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 736

You deserved it 2 443

By Misterhippo - 02/09/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 969

You deserved it 3 066

By Robyn - 04/10/2011 09:35 - Ireland

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 599

You deserved it 27 933

By long day - 12/11/2013 20:29 - United States - Bay City

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 642

You deserved it 3 865

By fecurtis - 23/01/2009 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 544

You deserved it 13 333

Rat Race

By mcd - 05/10/2020 08:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 61

Smells like victory

By B-rent - 18/03/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 982

You deserved it 7 054

Useful information of the day

By billy - 27/04/2021 08:01

Today, I learned that "unskilled labor" does not mean people who are bad at their jobs. I’m 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 883

By Why me? - 05/03/2016 05:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, some guys came up to me at work so they could meet me in person after talking to me on Tinder. I don't have a Tinder account, though, and I have no idea who is doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 246

You deserved it 1 305

By Anonymous - 18/05/2009 12:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 921

You deserved it 8 403

Whenever

By InstantHardOn - 08/11/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 406

You deserved it 8 126

By Jesusman - 08/12/2018 14:00

Today as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying "by him, I mean Jesus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 273

Frustration level: 2000

By Anonymous - 12/08/2020 05:01

Today, I have an incredibly high sex drive. My boyfriend doesn't. He made me throw away my, rarely used, sex toys because he's jealous of them. I wouldn't need them if we had sex more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 329

By B - 18/12/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 296

You deserved it 4 645

By unrequited - 18/05/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I drove the width of the country to tell the girl I've lost that I'm in love with her. She wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 486

You deserved it 13 194

By offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 983

You deserved it 90 641

Fun fun fun

By Rachel - 27/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I spent my entire day building various zoos in Zoo Tycoon, and then releasing all of the animals to see them chase people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 758

By Anonymous - 20/01/2012 23:33 - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 799

You deserved it 5 437

By jacks_smirking_revenge - 06/03/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 622

You deserved it 52 274

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 19:43 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 697

You deserved it 1 454

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Top comments

thinknow101 2

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:11

i personally prefer a Benjamin Moore midnight blue for my highlights.

MagicShyStars 6

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:04

xD I'm sorry but I think that would look pretty cool. Hey whats that new color you have in your hair? Oh, paint? That would be an awesome story to tell xD

MagicShyStars 6

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:04

xD I'm sorry but I think that would look pretty cool. Hey whats that new color you have in your hair? Oh, paint? That would be an awesome story to tell xD

xLeftoverxCrackx 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:07

Lol that's what I was thinking

phillyboss25 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:26

that wall paint might have made ur hair look better

waimcyked10 4

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 20:13

15 it'd make you look better too.... but you don't have enough hair, suckssss to be you!!!

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 21:15

Yeah I'd think i t was funny and cute. I agree, it would be a good conversation, plus it shows you work hard since you were painting a house. Not a big deal unless you were hoping for a perfect first impression. It may not be perfect but it was an impression :P

qwertyuiopdead 0

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Thursday 27 May 2010 21:58

go flyers!!!!!! but ya that would be a cool story 2 tell

smile031008 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:07

did ur head got whiteyy? 3rd?

yer_maw 1

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:07

I bet you looked cool ;)

Flinlock 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:10

So how did you not realize you had just gotten paint on your hair? I would think it would stick to the wall... If its still wet it should wash off fairly easily I would think.

theking12369 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:13

haha paint should cone out if u shower while it's still wet.

Wizzards_fml 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:43

wats the go with the ninja shit douche?

PRISSYmuch 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 17:25

ninja fag looks like a condom. dudes a queer.

CallMeHush 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 17:30

His burka was dirty.

thinknow101 2

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:11

i personally prefer a Benjamin Moore midnight blue for my highlights.

Dr_Uglord 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:14

thinknow FTW!!! fafp :@

nikeiro 3

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:14

And you didn't wash your hair/take a bath before leaving because?

Trickyklown 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:32

I think it was a house nearby so they couldn't shower. if it was in op's house dam she is just retarded! xD

tincans 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:34

My guess is that she already showered or whatever, and then was leaning against the wall doing her make up or something. but idk because she wouldve seen the paint in her hair because she'd be looking in a mirror..

Trickyklown 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:40

either way if it was in her house she should have showered. Maybe she wanted to dye her hair but was too cheap to buy some, so she used paint instead!

nickiloo22 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 22:46

I've gotten paint in my hair, it takes hours to get out. there probably wasn't enough time.

BelleElle_fml 5

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:14

LMAO! Well, at least you guys had a conversation starter. :P One time I was going out on a date and my little sister thought it would be funny to draw on my face with super sharpie because I fell asleep. I didn't realize it though and answered the door. So embarrasing. :P

wastland247 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:14

Agreed, always be careful around wet paint.

Dr_Uglord 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:16

agreed I fail to see how op thought leaning against a freshly painted wall could POSSIBLY be a good idea.....new hair color or not, that shit is dumb

Trickyklown 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 16:18

Didn't you notice that the wall was wet? YDI for obvious reasons but if he didn't mind then where is the fml? OMG I HAZ PAINTZ IN MI HAIR!! cmon it can be washed out no need to cry over spilt milk now.