Cats and Intimacy: Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little....

By pussystroker - 19/11/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 320

You deserved it 3 998

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 6 617

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 277

You deserved it 9 081

By Jake - 29/04/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 092

You deserved it 6 219

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 224

By Scared - 05/06/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 654

You deserved it 3 391

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 257

You deserved it 8 183

By o_O - 23/06/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 283

You deserved it 4 139

Excitation morning

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 688

By Noname - 04/02/2009 11:23 - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 091

You deserved it 38 823

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 989

You deserved it 10 551

Tarak_fml 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:16

Epicly awesome

Bloodknight 22

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:21

OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!

Comments

wrigglezeus 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:46

old people say the funniest things

perdix 29

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:48

So you dropped your knickers and ran down the street after him yelling, "Come back! I'll let you!" (sorry if it's a repeat.)

yearcity 0

Monday 9 January 2012 4:46

Justin biber sucks

TheiMightyKhaL 2

Friday 3 February 2012 7:12

No he swallows

stevenJB 25

Thursday 25 April 2013 15:42

Why can't we agree he does both?

allie2590 31

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:58

I hate old people. =

spendmoneyon420 0

Friday 20 November 2009 1:15

I Know how you feel old people are the most annoying thing ever i hate them so much all of them but you gotta give this old timer props

FML_Whale 18

Saturday 19 January 2013 23:04

both of you - go die in a hole

Rico5037 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:01

I woulda yelled TOO BAD IM NOT A CHICK DUMB ASS he woulda been like ****

loveyahun 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:07

Oh my god!!!!

_Paul_88 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:18

YDI for playing with your pussy in public!

perdix 29

Friday 20 November 2009 0:25

Never mind, I read that too fast. I thought you said, "in pubic." My mistake.

Erindub 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:22

Paul, it wasn't even her own pussy it was someone elses!

IPoopedOnU 12

Tuesday 13 December 2011 15:46

Lol! Hahaha

BigK_Diet_Cola 1

Friday 20 November 2009 0:24

Was he hot? Cause if he was, no FML.

illy88 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:43

omg ewww wht a ****** perv.

I_Call_Fake 0

Friday 20 November 2009 0:55

Old people these days...

Keywords

Awkward Love Relatable Students Work Racism Relationship advice Health Cheating Pregnancy Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Animals Cats Boredom Management Sexism Parenting Kids Parents Weird Miscellaneous Job interview Social Media Jealousy

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You deserved it 456

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The Top

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You deserved it 145

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I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 119

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I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 138

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I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 2 556

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I agree, your life sucks 29 677

You deserved it 7 171

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial for "Male enhancement" came on. As I grabbed my phone, my girlfriend said, "Oh honey, don't buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 638

You deserved it 6 370

Same thing different taste

Smack my bitch up

Excitation morning

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