Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML
Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I was cleaning my older brother's room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
imajinethat 0
Well, the good news is, you just got ****** by life. :) Congrats.
Animati0n 0
So? It's not a bad thing.
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Comments (257)
Lounia_fml 8
Wow #18.. Has anyone told you your grammar is ****** too?? And lmfao #7, you're awesome xD And OP- Wait for the right person man. Like really, I'm so sick and tired of those sad FMLs saying that they never got laid, or that the woman called out someone else's name. Like seriously people, those are not FMLs. It's not an issue. Wow. But good luck, if you really have to get ******, you can visit some prostitute anytime. And yuppers, there are male and female prostitutes so gender ain't a problem either ;)
catryn 0
Getting laid is the easiest thing ever. Anyone will **** anyone.
markssh 0
#32: FYL. Some of us like sex, sorry to hear you've never had any with the person you've been seeing for 6 years. People who say it's "no big deal" have never had it, and that's a case of sour grapes, or don't enjoy it -- and usually the latter have some dark past that tainted their ability to enjoy sex. That said, to the OP: you must have some girl in mind you like. Smile at her, try talking to her, like other said. Don't set your standards high; chances are, you're probably not the most attractive person, so don't expect the same of prospectives. It really isn't that hard to get in girl's pants, you just have to work at it. You can do some things that will make it more likely, but saying those here won't help you; experiment and find what works best. Just a small example: watch a movie together. If the girl you like gets scared by scary movies, rent one. The first time she jumps, bring her close and comfort her. Or laugh. That might catch her off guard. Above all, explore the other, fairer sex.
wowfmlife 0
Umm I'm 15 and don't quite know about this stuff so...how long does it take for condoms to expire? XD
blahdsflksfd 0
Isnt this a good thing, why is this a FML?
deee___jaaayyy 0
I love it how people immedaitely think its a guy ;D What if its a girl?! @OP: Patience is a virtue :3
NotTheAverage 0
#53 - I know, it's definitely disappointing... Judging by your name though, I don't think it would take much to be a heartbreaker to you ;) #58 - Obviously not to the OP, he wants to get laid!
hitherestranger 0
yayy! waiting is a good thing! abstinence FTW :D
jugglernaut 0
#s 9 and 13 - hopefully you guys haven't already started, otherwise, I shudder for both you and your partners. :/ #15 - always good to ask questions. if you grab a package of condoms off the shelf, they should last you a good three years or so. (but hopefully they'd be gone much sooner, lol!) always remember to check the expiry date BEFORE you use one (it will always be printed on each individual wrapper) and as a good rule of thumb if the date on the wrapper is less than six months away, it's safer to use a fresher condom. =) OP - I sympathize somewhat, I found condoms I had stashed in my drawer a year and a half ago, I had expected them to be looong gone by now... and I'm still a virgin. boo hoo. at least I didn't shack up to some cuntwaffle I used to call my boyfriend. =)
anniesaysbueno 0
let's look on the bright side: at least you don't have an sexually transmitted disease!!