Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML
Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I was cleaning my older brother's room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
imajinethat 0
Well, the good news is, you just got ****** by life. :) Congrats.
Animati0n 0
So? It's not a bad thing.
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Comments (257)
dinosaursmoo 0
Hey, it could be worse. You could have NOT had condoms when you were 18, gotten preggo, and ruined your life. The grass is always greener on the other side.
AmpulexCompressa 0
I feel your pain.
desso 0
Not as ****** as your grammar, #18
ErikaBaby 0
awww well 23 is my unlucky number so maybe when you turn 24 you'll have better luck. Comment #7 made me literally laugh out loud omgggss hahaha
kingbeau 0
Yikes, #13... I'm going to hope you're somewhere in the vicinity of 10 to 14 and don't really know what a condom is yet... They ARE rubbery stuff, more specifically latex usually, and they expire because the latex destabilizes and becomes... more porous... with consequences you'll hopefully understand before they happen to you...
kyeee 0
awie! its all good. im sure itll happen eventually.
absurdmoment19 0
# 69 will get you what you want ;)
NotTheAverage 0
I gotta say YDI. I mean, regardless what you look like - there will be people who are attracted to you. I would bet the main problem is that you never approach women. I have friends like you - when we were at a bar, they would sit at the table and never dream of going up to a girl. Do you think they will just magically fall into your bed? You have to be proactive - there are girls everywhere, start interacting with them... Seriously - start by smiling at them... do it everywhere you go and then build up to talking to them. It's not that hard - say something witty, or funny, introduce yourself, ask for her number. It's not going to work every time, but you won't strike out every time either. Swing for the fences man!
tayza249 20
OP is a female..
AnnieLennox1954 0
Hot diggity damn, you're a LO-SER!
TryToBeKind 0
That might actually be better than regretting a sexual experience or sexual experiences. Honestly, do you know how many people regret the person they first had sex with, or at least the sitaution? You at least don't have that problem. And, you can use the reasoning to whomever you do have sex with, that you wanted to wait on the right person. If that backfires and he/she acts like, "OMG, you think I'm a ****/think you're better than me" etc., then that person is not worth it either. :-D