Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML
Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I was cleaning my older brother's room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
imajinethat 0
Well, the good news is, you just got ****** by life. :) Congrats.
Animati0n 0
So? It's not a bad thing.
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Comments (257)
chippa 24
I clicked your life is ******, but it really kind of isn't, if you know what I mean.
itsnotmuch 0
Agree with #12: Not an FML.
Naheelawhatwhat 0
#49.....I'll be very surprised if you get laid.....maybe by dudes but still.......very surprising and impressive....good job getting some ass by looking like complete shit! :).....maybe the gay men like your look but who knows...
PyroMicky 0
Virginity is a bitch, but at least you're not one of those inbred fools that don't know condoms expire, so that puts you on at least 6 on the smart-scale, and that's a good thing. One good thing to do with expired condoms: Buy a flowerpot, put toilet paper roll in the middle of flowerpot, put baking soda inside roll, partially cover roll with expired condom, fill with dirt to cover condom. Now give to someone (preferably not someone you're trying to have sex with). When they water it, the gasses will force the condom to pop out like a flower. Laughs all around, mission accomplished. oh, and did you know you don't need a license to buy chloroform?
PollySighDevil 0
#32... 6 years no sex?? something is wrong here.... a relationship without sex is like dry cereal without milk
onigiriqueen 0
So what? No bigs. I didn't have my first time until I was engaged, and have only ever been with the one guy. Big deal. Buuutttt... if you really want to have sex, then go to a party and take out the drunk chick. Easy.
xabuko 0
Damn mate...sucks!!!
boredlittlechild 0
Still a virgin at 24... wow.... rare actually
I_am_stupid_also 6
#111 - I never did a prostitute, but some guys say you end up hornier afterwards than before. Other swear by them, but they do them a lot. If you do a lot of hookers then you are probably damaged merchandise as far as most future girlfriends are concerned.
WHOtheOx 0
Hey look on the bright side...you just taught some ppl on here that condoms expire.