Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
brokenly 5
My comment sucks.
LiterOfCola 16
I'd say ask her for a ******** but...
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Comments (304)
Countryrose0524 7
Talk about a **** block. That's why you always carry multiple extras, so when this happens, you will still be able to get laid. Nobody likes not getting laid.
scifichic92 8
It pisses me off when teenagers think that oral sex is safe sex. Safe from pregnancy, YES, safe from STD's, NO WAY! You can contract STD's from oral sex as easily as you can from vaginal/anal sex. Oral sex is the most common way to contract herpes, which I might add is NOT Curable. Other STD's commonly spread are genital warts, chlamydia, and gonorrhea. They also just discovered a new strand of gonorrhea that is not responding to treatment, and are worried that at the moment is not curable, and almost as dangers as HIV (which can also be caught through oral sex!) Use a condom for oral as well, on male AND female partners. Try a flavored condom to make it more fun.
xNephilim 19
Or, you know, make sure you don't have any diseases before you do the deed.
deloria_fml 22
I'd have mentioned something, but then I decided to let natural selection do all the work for me.
lj78015 2
That's a Obummer
xXKaanaXx 7
Your fault for making her do the background work. Put the condom on and go, man!
tcdaboss 2
Condoms are for *******!!
Posthuman 26
No, they're for dicks.
tcdaboss 2
Nope *******. Lesbians use then Na gays to **** their man pussie
cschad91 0
Best. Comment. Ever.
bethrocksya 9
Better off. You'd be saving money for a baby if you decided to do without! Good job OP, next time jerk off---she'll understand for play sooner or later ;) lol
devon8823 4
Well at least she's smart.
tracymonster 1
Good job. At least ur being safe
dwc2134 5
Oral, anal, handjob, footjob, titfuck, assjob, watching each other **********... y'all couldn't think of anything else to do but traditional penetrative sex?
Posthuman 26
Lets face it - nowadays it seems that kids are TRYING to get preggerz
TxCountryGal09 2
Why did you give it to HER to put on YOU? That is the mans responsibility.
daminantion 14
Country girls.. Always doin it backwards!