By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Spicy
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
I agree, your life sucks 16 728
You deserved it 42 515

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Top comments

So... you gave yourself a facial? Smooth.

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Holding a used condom above your face can never end well. Wtf were you thinking.

Comments

Hylia_fml 6

Yummy! Must have been a tasty snack, eh? xD

Doesnt matter had...........*hears rumbling off in the distance* what's that?.......oh my god. OH MY GOD!!! RRRRUUUUUUUNN! FLEE!!! Flee for your lives!!!! The dead meme nazis are coming for us!!!!! *trips* NOOOOO!!! Go on without me!!!! Gahhhh!!!! *dies*

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Latissimus 3

Doesnt matter had sex now bury me

Tasty for OPs girlfriend!

BunchieRules 31

It looks like another stampede of angry FMLers is among us! Quick, 12, it's DocBastard at 6 o' clock!

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You mustve been really hungry ;D

53- that's like asking what a vagina is

53's 14. It's slightly okay then.

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*than *basis Stop making public school look bad.

nico139 4

Well said, 84.

Don't know why 97 got down voted lol and 84, imo...you have the grammar of my 8 year old sister...and I'm 14...maybe it's just rare to know how to speak English correctly at my age?

melikeyturtles 3

#12- well done *slow claps*

alphaskater09 9

Pubic skoowl is bad they no teach me nothin goowd

MrBrightside21 20

127 - Haha...pubic schools...

aaahhhfire21 0

Guess you found out how safe it was hopefully no surprise in 9 months

I said fuck game

the_anti_hipster 7

53--thousands of OPs would-be children. RIP, little swimmers...

84- stop talking

Doogy700 5

53- Semen.

user324234324 1

Morning after pill.

I was just about to say that.

I do believe it was a man hanging it over his mouth.... I don't think he needs the morning after, it was his sperm

.... But the gf might want to take the morning after

OhDearBetrayal 25

78- They should both take the pill. We don't want either of their ovaries bearing children because of this.

He better take it, "just to make sure." Anyone get the fml reference?

Are you f#@%ing kidding me?

Or just gargle some mouthwash. Cleveland's voice: "THAT'S NASTY!"

Well it wasn't leaking before your dumba$$ put it above your mouth, so you're probably ok.

Micro tears would be a problem. Obviously if it is shredded enough to fall apart like that then the structure has been damaged already. OP, I think you need to work harder on humour. Dangling a used condom over your mouth doesn't exactly scream comedy.

DenBriZel 31

And at least he know what his own jizz tastes like. Now he can't be so prissy if a girl doesn't wanna swallow.

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Holding a used condom above your face can never end well. Wtf were you thinking.

Maybe he wanted to admire his work?

Seriously, why would any guy do that? Worst joke ever.

Who doesn't do this? Semen cleanses the face, opens the pores, and gets rid of wrinkles.

I don't think that's true 154. It really does all those things?

After years of experience, yes, it does. It's basically a fountain of youth.

Interesting image

So... you gave yourself a facial? Smooth.

Apparently sperm is good for your skin 0.o

peachesncreem 21

I'll testify to that.. Erm.. I mean, EWW!

Skooma, I always look forward to your comments, WAY too funny!! Lol

How regularly does this magic elixer need to be applied? If it's more than 8 times a day I may need to free up some room in my diary for 'me time'...

I apply it 7 times a day. At every meal. Once when I wake up, once before bed. Once after I shower, and the last one at my grandparents.

the_anti_hipster 7

163--if you're collecting it yourself, your hand must be silky smooth..:do I detect a new marketing solution for Nivea??

Supersoak that hoe

Bad Luck Brian: Has sex Gives himself a facial

If your girlfriend is worried about getting pregnant, she might want to consider getting the morning after pill.

Urgh, I'm sorry, I don't know how I missed #2 saying that :(

Or she might want to consider taking BC pills instead of relying on condoms only.

the_anti_hipster 7

150--I personally hate BC because every type of pill I've been on zaps my sex drive completely. I'd go from sex every day to sex once a month. Maybe. No bueno.

Oh my goodness, I LOVE your picture!! So stinkin' adorable!

RedPillSucks 31

Wow. You get to taste your own cum.... Did you grin and lie about how wonderful it tasted.

Melons and watermelons help with the taste of cum, don't they?

Pineapple, I heard..

^ I heard it was pineapple that "increased it's appeal" for those who rate it's flavour. ;P Edit: Bah, 30 beat me to it. :)

I thought it was celery.

Cum in our own mouths? Noor, there is a line! Yet, it seems logical.,

challan 19

Celery helps increase the production of sperm, but I don't believe it changes the flavor. Red meats, pineapple and other acidic fruits and decreasing the amount of beer and coffee help the most. Btw... I learned at a sex workshop not through personal test testing.

60- you go to sex workshops?

No wonder why my GF always has watermelon in the fridge...

MerrikBarbarian 9

Melons, pineapple and cinnamon can make it taste sweeter or milder. Beer, chocolate and red meats give it a bitter taste. Read in various sources and tested through the scientific method ;) the more you know!!! Or perhaps Noor? XD

challan 19

Lol my mom is a couples sex therapist so yes, I have been to many! Red meat as in steak medium rare- helps. Red meat as in taco bell lol hurts.

Sex workshops are seriously fun.

challan 19

Yes they are!! How can knowing more ways to orgasm ever be bad?!

Next time, check the expiration date, maybe? (Or just don't squeeze it so hard.)

Now you know how us females feel!

You mean taste, right?

alshygirl 14

No feel

Yeah what is the fascination with doing it on the face, gets in the hair, so disgusting!

quincykid23 6

U deserve it. But that definitely sucks for you. Look on the bright side, at least ur having sex!