Miscellaneous: Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 85

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 178

26/01/2014 13:08

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 816

You deserved it 4 001

Dementia or hate? You decide

Our house, in the middle of our street

Near the knuckle

20/11/2009 21:27

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 525

You deserved it 3 858

13/09/2012 12:37

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 367

You deserved it 2 514

17/11/2013 20:27

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 354

You deserved it 4 518

27/11/2012 03:03

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 618

You deserved it 31 773

04/09/2012 17:26

Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 375

You deserved it 58 739

25/06/2009 22:18

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 873

You deserved it 54 575

17/01/2017 08:00

Today, there's lethal flooding in the Reno area, with all roads to my work closed and flooded. My boss still expects me to drive through it, in the dark, to work at 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 028

You deserved it 441

14/06/2013 01:44

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 344

You deserved it 27 834

25/12/2016 23:08

Today, I woke up my friend and had him take me to the ER. I had trouble breathing and my chest hurt, so the doctor put me on an EKG and took X-rays. I had strained my chest lifting weights at the gym earlier that day and pulled a muscle, and now thanks to my massive anxiety I have a $700 hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 278

You deserved it 1 924

05/09/2010 19:20

Today, I bleached my hair for the new school year. Instead of blonde, it came out orange, making my hair resemble a bloated pumpkin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 605

You deserved it 32 423

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, as something cute to do, me and my boyfriend dressed as Snow White and the Prince so we could photograph the moment he kisses me and I wake up. He thought it would be funny to use his penis, so now there’s a picture of us dressed up with my dumb self kissing his penis with my eyes closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 1 266

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

By TrashlifeKaylala - 10/07/2019 00:01

Today, my father once again sat me and my boyfriend of a year down to have another "talk." These "talks" are always something negative against our relationship, and how it’s not up to his standards. We’ve explained numerous times why he’s wrong. My father is about to make me single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 799

You deserved it 164

07/05/2011 13:56

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 691

You deserved it 7 492

01/10/2018 12:00

Today, I fell down the stairs, breaking my foot and tendons. It was the first time I had ever broken anything, and the doctor said that it's the most complicated break he'd ever seen. It's too complicated to operate. Now I'm stuck in a wheelchair for god knows how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 108

You deserved it 193

09/08/2009 07:28

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 463

You deserved it 56 199

26/12/2016 08:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 253

You deserved it 1 003

17/08/2010 12:30

Today, I ran into my boyfriend at the mall, the same boyfriend that told me he was taking a family vacation to Mexico. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 096

You deserved it 4 087

Smelly business

By skunkcat - 11/03/2020 21:00

Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 640

10/04/2011 04:42

Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 497

You deserved it 4 969

False accusation

By Missa - 04/07/2009 03:04

Today, one of our store's beach balls came out of nowhere and whacked me in the back of my head. I started reaming out two young girls for playing in the store, even when they said it wasn't them. Soon after, one of my employees admitted that it was her. I made some 7-year-olds cry and it wasn't them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 400

You deserved it 56 336

11/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 368

08/09/2016 05:31

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 423

You deserved it 1 554

28/09/2014 11:40

Today, while running an event, my belt loop got caught in those metal whorls that outdoor chairs have. I couldn't get it undone and had to greet guests by standing up and bringing the chair with me, hanging from my ass. My coworker finally had to cut the belt loop to set me free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 608

You deserved it 4 146

31/01/2010 06:44

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 860

You deserved it 37 170

03/02/2012 08:12

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 914

You deserved it 7 195

05/08/2009 05:09

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8-9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 502

You deserved it 5 217

09/03/2015 22:59

Today, I got to listen to my boss lecture me about professional dress and subtly insinuate that my being on the heavier side top-wise with all the men in the office could be a problem. I've worn turtle necks for the whole two months I've been working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 571

You deserved it 2 406

It's the Final Countdown

By Mightytall - 11/09/2019 00:01

Today, I had a very long wait at the doctor's. The three plastic plants in the waiting area have 163 leaves each, the patient information poster on the wall has 127 words, the longest word has 19 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 142

04/03/2014 22:41

Spicy

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 082

You deserved it 6 681

17/08/2016 04:20

Today, I finally addressed why my boyfriend started calling me "love bug" since we haven't used pet names in the entirety of our 2 year relationship. His response? "because I love you but you bug the shit out of me. It seemed appropriate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 439

You deserved it 2 646

07/05/2019 14:00

Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task to write a list of things I hate about myself so my doctor could see what we needed to work on. I gave her the list, and she simply said, "Wow, I've never had someone give me such a long list." I had 55 items on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 263

06/01/2011 17:38

Today, for the first time ever, my boyfriend of one year told me he loved me. He was calling me by collect call from the county jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 495

You deserved it 6 159

20/07/2016 00:28

Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 706

You deserved it 4 215

22/04/2009 10:40

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 592

You deserved it 9 419

04/08/2011 08:30

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 969

You deserved it 4 104

02/07/2010 01:07

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's mother screamed at me for half an hour, calling me a slut because she found a black lacy thong in my boyfriend's bed. I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 462

You deserved it 8 633

07/06/2016 16:27

Today, I loaded up a cart at work with all the things that take me the longest to stock, figuring I'd just get it over with. My manager decided to use that cart to time me and measure my efficiency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 413

You deserved it 992

29/11/2010 10:46

Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 203

You deserved it 6 076

11/04/2011 23:37

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 088

You deserved it 2 664

Welcome back

By Soggy Sophia - 27/03/2013 15:44

Today, I went for my daily post-op doctor's appointment, where I was told I can resume normal activities. Which was handy when I came home to half-an-inch of water throughout my apartment, due to my washing machine drainage pipe coming undone while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 004

You deserved it 2 631

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Top comments

ellie12345678999 13

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:19

I'm sure you pretty and plus maybe she has bad eye sight

604 11

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:19

She probably said "pace" ... Next time be a bit quicker! You're not her age.

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ellie12345678999 13

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:19

I'm sure you pretty and plus maybe she has bad eye sight

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Sunday 26 January 2014 20:13

Exactly what I was thinking too! If she was wearing glasses, maybe she has something on them?

colton_colton 49

Sunday 26 January 2014 20:29

Every girl is pretty in some way, shape, or form!

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Sunday 26 January 2014 20:55

Not always

domolovesyoshi 33

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Sunday 26 January 2014 21:08

everyone is beautiful to someone. that's the point of the saying "In the eye of the beholder"

FangirlingAlways 14

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Sunday 26 January 2014 21:53

Beauty is always a matter of opinion OP. Atleast you aren't trying to impress her.

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Monday 27 January 2014 1:19

Don't let her bring you down! You as hell are beautiful in your own way :)

HopelesslyCiara5 19

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Monday 27 January 2014 1:25

Besides, a great personality can make someone appear more attractive.

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Monday 27 January 2014 8:31

You must be the smoothest person I know.

applebramble 22

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Monday 27 January 2014 17:09

Maybe OP had piercing/s on her face? Some old people can be a little judgemental about that stuff , even over a Monroe or nose piercing... My dad is in his 80's and he never stops criticising people about their "stupid" piercings or even tattoos . Hell, he still criticises my belly button piercing and my 2nd right ear piercing because he thinks it's not right and stuff like that . He's just really stuck in the past . Let it go OP . I'm sure your piercing/s is/are cool , if that is the case . (Sorry for all the "/" marks . I noticed in other comments some people were being the grammar police) . Peace!!

Curlytwirly22 17

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:19

Why the hurtful comment ? She seems mean like really mean

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:24

Another elderly FML. Old people are ruining many lives all over with their brutal truthfulness!

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:24

Because the woman is old. Old people have tons of 'get out of jail free' cards. I can't wait until I can go to the store and flip people the bird without judgement! It is going to be great!

\ 28

Sunday 26 January 2014 19:32

It's not always the fault of the elderly. They DO suffer from horrifying things like dementia and senility... Things that make them lose touch.

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Sunday 26 January 2014 20:14

also, she may have been joking. sometimes my grandfather does things like this and people don't get the joke since he's usually so serious.

SuperStormCindy 8

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Sunday 26 January 2014 20:56

I agree. I work in a nursing home and the things that they can go through really mess them up.

SuperStormCindy 8

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Sunday 26 January 2014 20:57

My dad does that. ._. It makes people feel bad.

fuckyourlifeOP 25

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Monday 27 January 2014 2:13

Lol, Elderly people are really honest, sometimes, sadly, brutally honest.

604 11

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:19

She probably said "pace" ... Next time be a bit quicker! You're not her age.

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:19

Well you ok now old people always think they can do/say anything just vecause they're old.

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Sunday 26 January 2014 20:48

That's totally unfair, just because a person is older doesn't mean they are wiser or should be able to do what they want...

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Monday 27 January 2014 1:54

Definitely, respect gets respect. If someone shows a lack of respect they do not deserve it back just because they are older.

FimogenFeels 14

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:19

You should say, "It's a shame that people are so rude these days."

LookAttMyyLifee 12

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Sunday 26 January 2014 20:40

I would be like "it's a shame about my arms too" & then drop the groceries .

Blackcatluck 19

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:21

Hey gotta love her honesty though.

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:21

Aaand… there she ruined the compliment.

khaoticpanda 28

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:21

Old people get away with it unfortunately.

Daaaan 13

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:35

I'm looking forward to get old so I can get away with shoplifting and blame it on my dementia

khaoticpanda 28

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Sunday 26 January 2014 22:40

Im waiting for the day i can cut in line at McDonalds. Because EVERY time i go an old lady cuts in front of me.

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:21

Well, at least she thinks you're sweet even if not beauty pageant material.

awesome64760 16

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Sunday 26 January 2014 19:22

If you look that feminine then you deserve it