Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
brokenly 5
My comment sucks.
LiterOfCola 16
I'd say ask her for a ******** but...
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Comments (304)
Psycho_Babydoll 26
How could you only have one?
liv_graham 7
Use a sandwich bag. They said it in 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' Love that movie
pink_raindrops 26
Lol, that reminds me of this bimbo I knew in high school. She went to have sex with someone, but the guy didn't have a condom, so they used saran-wrap instead. Their stupidity was hilarious.
smallshaft 10
I wouldn't ever use Saran Wrap, Aluminum foil is so much better.
theluckyones 10
72. You mean the book right?.. I read it years ago. And I've been waiting for it to come out for a while now.
GoddamnBatman 7
It makes me sad to see people yelling out "try the pull out technique".
hunterluv1 20
41, why did you comment that twice? on this post and the one above? haha
wolfhausen 7
75- It was an accident.
RCAddict16 0
That is just.........unfortunate. FYL OP. :( cockblocks suck.
motoxraceman2345 1
Have her give you a hummer (balls in mouth while humming) and jack off on her face
motoxraceman2345 1
Rude? Some girls like it
CharresBarkrey 16
I'm assuming you were trying to reply to 83 here, but she was not referring to your comment.
letmehavemytea 21
Rude. She could have at least gave you a handjob. It was her fault after all.
duckfan4life 1
That's why you always make sure you have spares.
cheshireau 26
Make her go buy another one!