Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
brokenly 5
My comment sucks.
LiterOfCola 16
I'd say ask her for a ******** but...
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Comments (304)
brandoneyez1 25
She got 2 other holes... Lol
rebanne 5
Stupid, go ahead and shag then pull out just as you're about to blow the geyser. Stupid.
Jakespeed207 4
Oh, the level of irony in this dumbass's comment is impressive.
SApprentice 34
That sucks OP, just try and enjoy the quality time you get with the person you love. To all of you people that are saying that OP's girlfriend 'owes' him oral or anal sex, each and every one of you can go rot somewhere. There's no such thing as 'owing' when it comes to sex and relationships. No matter what you do for somebody, they never 'owe' you access to any part of their body. That goes for every person, regardless of gender.
Theblackrose8 5
She totally did it on purpose lol
evfan 1
dude that totally sucks I'm sorry, but it's smart that you're waiting till you get another condom before intercourse, you'll be thanking yourself 9 months from now! next time stock up on a couple of extras just in case
bananasquid21 6
167- I'm proud of you.
tootall2breathe 8
Hey man it could be worse my brother had a flavored one and his girlfriend chewed on it while he had his pants down....she also chewed the other flavored ones that coulda been used now my brothers nickname is strawberry condom.....my brother tells me these things without being asked.
Ilikeburritos 4
********** to soap operas. I don't know man, those busty actresses in those Mexican ones really get me hot and bothered.
A_Hernandez90 2
Bro haven't you heard of pulling out? No wait... that's how my child was born haha...
jack_ripper604 0
Shove it in her ass problem solved
SApprentice 34
193- ... The **** is wrong with you?