Sex, Painful, Ironic and Intimacy: Squirting the night away

Squirting the night away

By svet - 22/02/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 513

You deserved it 84 250

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Same thing different taste

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 8 654

By KAAALIS - 16/03/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738 478

You deserved it 495 642

By fmlpanda - 29/05/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 859

You deserved it 8 372

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 772

You deserved it 13 694

By Junkrat - 08/12/2016 13:32

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 518

You deserved it 3 294

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 227

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 039

By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 462

You deserved it 803

By abc123 - 16/12/2013 16:44 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 534

You deserved it 6 897

By Brian - 18/03/2012 02:32 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 209

You deserved it 5 117

sunshyne84_fml 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:22

try mouthwash?

red_apples 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:14

Now you're scared of lemons.

Comments

red_apples 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:14

Now you're scared of lemons.

genius_man16 0

Friday 26 June 2009 22:33

If you'd just swallow you wouldn't have to worry about **** in your eye.

k43L1 0

Monday 16 November 2009 2:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

rwac07 0

Saturday 10 April 2010 15:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

amerrah 4

Friday 16 July 2010 1:49

Lemons are extremely sour,. Go with a lollipop so you can practice.

Lx416 0

Tuesday 10 August 2010 6:32

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

iP00PonN00bz 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 6:23

I bet the lemon loved it

Marley_000 14

Monday 9 June 2014 1:18

There are so, so many levels of YDI here.

Tri_fml 5

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:15

That's poetic justice! This world needs more ********! Pretty unlucky though ;)

olive47_fml 0

Sunday 26 June 2011 5:48

yes, more BJs thats what we need

sunshyne84_fml 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:22

try mouthwash?

skitz 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:28

oh, the irony

DamnGoodTimes 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:45

Well at least it's not as bad as the other sex stories on this site. :D

Inkspell 2

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

bazookajoey 27

Monday 6 January 2014 23:23

Maybe it's like when you have a shot of tequila, helps with the bitter taste??

everythingsucks 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:01

That old bitch, Karma...

Bueller 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:12

"If you don't swallow, it's going in your eye."

GangsterMcMuffin 0

Friday 12 March 2010 11:25

ROFL

FMLandurstoo 9

Monday 8 November 2010 5:42

that fml was hilarious

sylph_jynx 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:14

that is THE most ironic story i have ever heard. Sorry about the mishap, but it was kinda funny.

awefjio 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:23

roflcopter

Keywords

Love Friends Awkward Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management Poopoo peepee Coworkers Frustration Capitalism Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 296

You deserved it 1 134

Today, I was bored, so I started to declutter my closet. I found a pair of jeans I hadn't worn in years and thought they'd fit. As I struggled to pull them on, the seam ripped really loud, and my cat shot out from under the bed like a spooked rocket. Apparently even my jeans feel the need to yell at me for getting too big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 300

The Top

Today, I summoned the courage to talk to my friends about the money they owe me for my photography services at their wedding. We had agreed on a fair price, but now they're pissed, claiming that I'm being selfish, and should consider it my wedding gift to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 686

You deserved it 5 487

Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 792

You deserved it 6 550

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 309

You deserved it 2 768

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She's not actually a lesbian. She has been using our relationship to piss off her conservative parents. We've been together for over a year, and I've been in love with her for over five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 945

You deserved it 8 751

Today, I couldn't leave my room because my dad was having a foursome in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 147

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 411

You deserved it 4 550

Squirting the night away

Same thing different taste

The heat of the moment

Really into it

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