Sex, Painful, Ironic and Intimacy: Squirting the night away

Squirting the night away

By svet - 22/02/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

agreeclassic 32 536

vote type 1 84 311

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By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

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By KAAALIS - 16/03/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

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By fmlpanda - 29/05/2010 04:14 - United States

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By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

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By Junkrat - 08/12/2016 13:32

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

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By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

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By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

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By abc123 - 16/12/2013 16:44 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

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By Brian - 18/03/2012 02:32 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

agreeclassic 32 231

vote type 1 5 121

sunshyne84_fml 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:22

try mouthwash?

red_apples 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:14

Now you're scared of lemons.

Comments

red_apples 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:14

Now you're scared of lemons.

genius_man16 0

Friday 26 June 2009 22:33

If you'd just swallow you wouldn't have to worry about **** in your eye.

k43L1 0

Monday 16 November 2009 2:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

rwac07 0

Saturday 10 April 2010 15:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

amerrah 4

Friday 16 July 2010 1:49

Lemons are extremely sour,. Go with a lollipop so you can practice.

Lx416 0

Tuesday 10 August 2010 6:32

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

iP00PonN00bz 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 6:23

I bet the lemon loved it

Marley_000 14

Monday 9 June 2014 1:18

There are so, so many levels of YDI here.

Tri_fml 5

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:15

That's poetic justice! This world needs more ********! Pretty unlucky though ;)

olive47_fml 0

Sunday 26 June 2011 5:48

yes, more BJs thats what we need

sunshyne84_fml 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:22

try mouthwash?

skitz 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:28

oh, the irony

DamnGoodTimes 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:45

Well at least it's not as bad as the other sex stories on this site. :D

Inkspell 2

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:59

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

bazookajoey 27

Monday 6 January 2014 23:23

Maybe it's like when you have a shot of tequila, helps with the bitter taste??

everythingsucks 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:01

That old bitch, Karma...

Bueller 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:12

"If you don't swallow, it's going in your eye."

GangsterMcMuffin 0

Friday 12 March 2010 11:25

ROFL

FMLandurstoo 9

Monday 8 November 2010 5:42

that fml was hilarious

sylph_jynx 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:14

that is THE most ironic story i have ever heard. Sorry about the mishap, but it was kinda funny.

awefjio 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:23

roflcopter

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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