Sex, Painful, Ironic and Intimacy: Squirting the night away

Squirting the night away

By svet - 22/02/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 84 199

Sex Painful Ironic Intimacy

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By KAAALIS - 16/03/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738 002

You deserved it 495 227

By Anonymous - 17/06/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 477

You deserved it 1 023

By fmlpanda - 29/05/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 846

You deserved it 8 364

By Talented73 - 25/04/2017 20:00

Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 112

You deserved it 383

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 867

You deserved it 8 641

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 627

You deserved it 12 187

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 080

You deserved it 40 010

By abc123 - 16/12/2013 16:44 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 518

You deserved it 6 896

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 170

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 026

You deserved it 5 887

sunshyne84_fml 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:22

try mouthwash?

red_apples 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:14

Now you're scared of lemons.

Comments

red_apples 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:14

Now you're scared of lemons.

genius_man16 0

Friday 26 June 2009 22:33

If you'd just swallow you wouldn't have to worry about **** in your eye.

k43L1 0

Monday 16 November 2009 2:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

rwac07 0

Saturday 10 April 2010 15:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

amerrah 4

Friday 16 July 2010 1:49

Lemons are extremely sour,. Go with a lollipop so you can practice.

Lx416 0

Tuesday 10 August 2010 6:32

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

iP00PonN00bz 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 6:23

I bet the lemon loved it

Marley_000 14

Monday 9 June 2014 1:18

There are so, so many levels of YDI here.

Tri_fml 5

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:15

That's poetic justice! This world needs more ********! Pretty unlucky though ;)

olive47_fml 0

Sunday 26 June 2011 5:48

yes, more BJs thats what we need

sunshyne84_fml 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:22

try mouthwash?

skitz 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:28

oh, the irony

DamnGoodTimes 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:45

Well at least it's not as bad as the other sex stories on this site. :D

Inkspell 2

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

bazookajoey 27

Monday 6 January 2014 23:23

Maybe it's like when you have a shot of tequila, helps with the bitter taste??

everythingsucks 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:01

That old bitch, Karma...

Bueller 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:12

"If you don't swallow, it's going in your eye."

GangsterMcMuffin 0

Friday 12 March 2010 11:25

ROFL

FMLandurstoo 9

Monday 8 November 2010 5:42

that fml was hilarious

sylph_jynx 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:14

that is THE most ironic story i have ever heard. Sorry about the mishap, but it was kinda funny.

awefjio 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 6:23

roflcopter

Keywords

Mental health Kids Parents Food Work Health Miscellaneous Annoying Cooking Gross Plumbing Surprise Awkward Cute Party Nature Dogs Animals Intimacy Babysitter Sextoys Cheating Love Holidays Insulting AITA Instagram Social Media Sex Neighbours

The Top

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 491

You deserved it 4 169

Today, my friend and I were arguing over whose boyfriend was better. Just as I was about to convince her, my boyfriend rang. Trying to start the perfect conversation, I put him on speaker phone and answered, "Hey Tiger, I was just thinking about you!" He broke up with me on speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 881

You deserved it 16 330

The Top

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 173

You deserved it 3 282

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 152

You deserved it 3 491

Today, I learned the reason they say don't keep your phone in high humidity places. I left my phone on the counter when I went to take a shower. It now won't turn on due to water damage and the warranty doesn't cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 224

You deserved it 36 189

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 389

You deserved it 3 089

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 154

You deserved it 2 201

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 791

You deserved it 2 582

Squirting the night away

Same thing different taste

The heat of the moment

Close but no BJ

Added protein

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