Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML
Today, my coworker warned me that if I made one more dad joke, she’d belt me with a frying pan. Alas, I did not believe her capable of such violence, which is why I now sit here with a bag of frozen peas pressed to the 3-inch lump on the back of my head. Plus she was sacked, so now I feel horribly guilty. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML
Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I was making my bed and had an armload of pillows. One slipped and I tried to catch it between my arm and leg. I missed, sending my fist into my nuts. FML
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML
Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML
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Top comments
JojoBrown520 0
giant battered eggplant? O.o
jennacide 0
Thats what you get for trying to do a womans job! jk :)
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Comments (124)
capgray 0
a battered eggplant? ya for sure..worst feeling ever. like last night i was drunk and this morning i woke up feeling like a battered eggplant..
jason2468 0
@29 it is a pretty ****** up world out there oh and op let me know when you have a cure for impotence
blitzen123 0
How bad does it hurt to get hit in the balls? I must know.
MidgetMonster 0
a giant battered eggplant....?
Bamfy 0
stick A fork in your ****** it might resemble what it's like being hit in the balls
ionellas 0
How do you know that? Did you ever stick a fork in your ****** after smashing your balls and compared the pains?
i_is_a_tr00l 0
Hahaaha TEETIEZ. BTW, who shops with their mom.
ImaginaryFoe 1
#29 it is a pretty messed up world if your mom is attacking your nuts. No grandkids for her!
Immature_fml 0
you, sir, are an asshole. (#1) sucks to be you, op. but I doubt you're sterile, so take it like a man and hope to god I'm right.
manbearpig123456 0
I seriously doubt your sterile now considering it takes hundreds of pounds per sq. inch to bust a nut (thank god for MANswers)
jisaac09 25
snickers, i doubt he would need a doctor to tell him if he can/cant get it up....