Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML
Today, my coworker warned me that if I made one more dad joke, she’d belt me with a frying pan. Alas, I did not believe her capable of such violence, which is why I now sit here with a bag of frozen peas pressed to the 3-inch lump on the back of my head. Plus she was sacked, so now I feel horribly guilty. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML
Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I was making my bed and had an armload of pillows. One slipped and I tried to catch it between my arm and leg. I missed, sending my fist into my nuts. FML
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML
Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML
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Top comments
JojoBrown520 0
giant battered eggplant? O.o
jennacide 0
Thats what you get for trying to do a womans job! jk :)
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Comments (124)
SAYwhatFML 0
Oh thats a specfic way of describing it..."a battered eggplant"
evolutionsfox 0
College wrestlers are aware that they will feel pain though, and most smart ones wear protection. He was getting a turkey.... think before you comment...
Roflmaoqxz 3
I would have cried laughing had I been there XD
Bizzatch 0
gj turkeynuts
SCARYMUSIC 0
haha that would suc. but I hav one question for you...how does it swing down and hit your nuts did she throw it an you caught it wit one arm
twist_of_fame93 0
she hates you op
droppoint 0
@80 women can only ever experience half the pain while giving birth upside down. Imagine that you're a grape, then imagine being stepped on and somehow not popping. we men are one with our testipops so it's felt throughout the body and soul.
Zahoor 0
hahahaha this made me laugh Soooooo hard lol
tysta 0
#100, agree. Us men can't tell how bad labor pain is but I can assure that a nutshot is worse....
dropacidpj_vegan 0
@64 hahaha! brovaries!! hilariousssss!