Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML
Today, my coworker warned me that if I made one more dad joke, she’d belt me with a frying pan. Alas, I did not believe her capable of such violence, which is why I now sit here with a bag of frozen peas pressed to the 3-inch lump on the back of my head. Plus she was sacked, so now I feel horribly guilty. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML
Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I was making my bed and had an armload of pillows. One slipped and I tried to catch it between my arm and leg. I missed, sending my fist into my nuts. FML
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML
Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
JojoBrown520 0
giant battered eggplant? O.o
jennacide 0
Thats what you get for trying to do a womans job! jk :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
presshome2bblown 0
29 is classic hahah
StoryOfTheYear 15
@ 80 it feels like someone just ripped your lungs out, literally it gets hard to breath for a few seconds, after that it gets worse and your left with legs like jelly and you can't stand independently, in other words it hurts like ****!
SwiftCashew 0
Gotta work on your hand-eye coordination.
Nobela 0
**** vs. turkey. i guess turkey wins.
Spyrunner 0
Watch some videos on youtube and you'll get an idea.
blueknight1st 26
"and I think I'm now impotent." Good.
iambecomedeathpu 0
What a dashing story of a young man losing his virginity. ;]
blastvortex 4
Maybe your mom just didn't want you to have any kids. ㄟ㋛ㄏ
joe_uncool 0
I don't know what it is, but no matter how painful it might be, I can't help but laugh anytime somebody gets hit in the balls!
lalasha 0
Looks like with the gene pool you come from your being rendered unable to reproduce is a good thing and a favor to the world.