Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
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Top comments
kawa_fml 0
aw, that's nice of him!
Dfeline 2
Ever considered that he was trying to make you laugh, consequently brightening your mood? Be glad. Most FML boyfriend's would just tell you to stop whining and make them a sandwich.
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Comments (170)
Alexgoesfml 3
The thing is, you ASKED him to bring something round to your house. You expect a gift off your boyfriend to help cheer you up?
Zero2Sixty 0
okay so obviously your boyfriend thinks your a **** and enjoys sex
eliz3 0
She has a boyfriend, meaning we can safely assume she isn't a ****. And is it so weird to enjoy sex? Get out of the house more.
JarJarBinks_fml 0
If you don't enjoy sex, god help you
blalien 0
Asexuality is an actual psychological problem.
letitbe56 0
Well...it's in the DSM, but whether or not it's a "problem" is heavily debated.
annalou_fml 0
Just because she has a boyfriend doesn't mean you can assume she isn't a ****. I'm not saying she is or isn't, I don't know her, but having a boyfriend doesn't mean anything, and anyone who has ever been cheated on knows that. haha.
RabbitPressure1 6
Wtf are you talking about? Who said anything about cheating??
Sketch_y 0
YDI. He's a caring guy and you're a selfish egotistical b*tch.
lilsurfergrlsp 3
how is this an FML? that's awesome! p.s. i would never ask my boyfriend to "bring me something nice" if i was having a bad day. just being with him would be enough.
wackodongo 0
you should be thankful
autumn_fml 1
i would love it if my boyfriend did that, it's hilarious. guys really do try their hardest to get things right.
Xrailer 0
give him a high five for me.
SimpleSimon 0
Lighten up, I'm a bloke and if my friend had done the equivalent and brought me a fake vag to cheer me up I'd be well pleased...
slack3r9 0
at least it was funny
letitbe56 0
Are you sure he wasn't trying to cheer you up with HUMOR? An enormous purple ***** would've got me laughing. Does laughter not cheer you up? People don't read minds. If you know what you want, ask for it. You can still even have it be a surprise by saying something like, "Can you bring over something yummy?" (if you want food) or "Could you bring over a funny movie?" (if you want a movie) etc.