Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
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Top comments
kawa_fml 0
aw, that's nice of him!
Dfeline 2
Ever considered that he was trying to make you laugh, consequently brightening your mood? Be glad. Most FML boyfriend's would just tell you to stop whining and make them a sandwich.
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Comments (170)
plexico 3
Hou gaan dit, meisie? Is the problem that you require an EXTRA-large purple ***** to get the job done?
yeagerdarling 0
Typical Woman. Man puts forth effort only to see that it got him in a worse place than if he did nothing at all. And you women wonder why Men tend to be aloof and uncaring to your needs. They can never be solved, you just want to complain.
BLNovelist 0
Sadly, I'm agreeing with you, and I'm a female. Girls like this one make me mildly angry - it'd be one thing if he brought it over expecting something of her, but he brought it because she asked him to bring something over to cheer her up, of which that would/should one way or another, and yet she still got pissy with him because it wasn't what she wanted. Way too many people do that shit. Not to say I don't get pissy with my boyfriend every so often...but this one is just stupid.
suzieq57 0
Hear hear! You can't get this angry if you don't specify exactly what you want (and if you specify exactly what you want and there's no room for a big purple ***** you're no fun anyway. :P)
sillyking44 0
How is this a FML? He tried. Like another guy said YDI for no sense of humor.
ladycoyote 0
That certainly would have cheered me up, as I wouldn't have been able to stop laughing. At least the poor guy tried!
AntiChrist7 0
you asked for something, you got something. stop whining
midwestjerk 0
That's an awesome gesture towards humor and smartassery. If you'd gone along with it and gotten laid, the endorphin rush from sex would have made you feel much better about work.
akscott 0
your bf is awesome, and #31 smartassery is an awesome word...thanks for expanding my vocab
clamore 0
How on earth is this an FML? Sex toys are expensive, and it sounds like he would've helped you test it out! I can't even call this a YDI because you DON'T deserve a thoughtful, sexually open boyfriend with an attitude like that.
Polygon 0
I dunno, i thought that would be a hilarious present, it made ME laugh at least =P
Lifehappens91 0
I would love if my boyfriend brought me that
Nightfallz 0
if that didn't make you laugh then nothing can you humorless bastard