Miscellaneous: Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying...

By idiot - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

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9815

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Rock, hard place

Triage

By Peter

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

I agree, your life sucks

32745

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By oldschool - United States

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17328

You deserved it

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By the other man - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51879

You deserved it

3910

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43724

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks

19362

You deserved it

2774

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By Anonymous - Australia - Maribyrnong

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45057

You deserved it

10532

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By NotSatan

Today, my husband refuses to stop answering my phone calls with, "Haaaaail Satan!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4003

You deserved it

584

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By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3361

You deserved it

789

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35641

You deserved it

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By goodgrief - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41419

You deserved it

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By Hypocrisy - United States

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19596

You deserved it

56598

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By Anonymous - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45545

You deserved it

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By deadgrass - United States - Middletown

Heavenly Shower

Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25605

You deserved it

1936

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By reckless182 - United States

Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58021

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to file for bankruptcy because my ex-wife didn't want to pay for the house she didn't want me to have in the divorce, and didn't bother to have my name removed from the loan before she filed bankruptcy herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28741

You deserved it

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By LeaveTheGuyAlone - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45356

You deserved it

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By mbesameh - United States

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43620

You deserved it

6228

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By uugnfg - United States

Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14543

You deserved it

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By gunnerdog - United States - Galveston

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45076

You deserved it

4989

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By search_me - United States

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54843

You deserved it

3284

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By fatty - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38281

You deserved it

15766

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By t.hughes - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51544

You deserved it

3670

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 08:02 - United States - Gwynn Oak

Holiday cheer

Today, I’m convinced my mother in law comes over every holiday just to make me miserable. She comes in, criticizes me food, snarks then ignores the kids. I dread every holiday and spend it getting drunk and casting F-you glances at my husband. Is it wrong to buy her a casket for the next holiday? Is it really? FML

I agree, your life sucks

844

You deserved it

105

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By ssnickel - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill on the floor and my dog ate it. The good news is, I startled her and she spit it right out. The bad news is, I still had to take it after it had been in my dog's mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43852

You deserved it

19652

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By Anonymous - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41551

You deserved it

4550

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By failure - United States

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32634

You deserved it

5016

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By shahman14

Today, I started working at an extremely prestigious bank. In the first five minutes of being there, the boss had me do his laundry at a Laundromat, and when I actually tried to work, he kept showing me some magic tricks. Later on, he fired me for HIS mistake of giving an extra $400 to a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2112

You deserved it

125

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10398

You deserved it

45828

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By jake - Denmark

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

20299

You deserved it

63168

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By Natsert99 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12687

You deserved it

1166

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By Mateo - France

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13745

You deserved it

67253

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By DiiiDiiine - France - Limoges

Today, I cut myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelled to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushed in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34275

You deserved it

3761

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By NewRoommateNeededASAP - United States

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11504

You deserved it

732

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By Ava

Today, a jobless person felt sympathy for me because I work retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1834

You deserved it

225

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By Skylan - France

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11757

You deserved it

58562

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By BadKitty42 - United States

Work sucks, I know

Today, it was my last day at work. I was offered a better job and accepted. Not wanting to leave my present boss hanging, I asked for time to give notice. While I trained my replacement, the owner at the new job had time to think about how slow the season is, and he decided not to fill the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30576

You deserved it

3813

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By floppy - Australia

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1634

You deserved it

110

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1500

You deserved it

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By stuckass - Pakistan

Today, our office had a mock audit before the real thing. I got warning note for not maintaining proper databases for last year's activities. I only joined a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20872

You deserved it

1494

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I checked into my flight early. The kiosk asked me if I wanted an earlier flight for $50. Awesome. I swiped my card then continued to the next screen where I was informed my new flight was delayed to the same time as my original flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38911

You deserved it

5969

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Top comments

By Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#438151 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:02

Wow your fault

By ily_hun996 | 0

#438188 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:12

You never, EVER say, "Thank you for not checking in on me."

COMMENTS

By Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#438151 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:02

Wow your fault

JWCbox | 0

#438359 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:00

That IS really suspicious.

ShannonBananan76 | 0

#439150 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:34

wow...i don't even know how to respond to this...u totally deserved this

yeaboiii | 0

#441989 - Thursday 30 July 2009 7:53

Yeah I agree what were you thinking.

Next time I sneak up behind someone I'm gonna say "Wow, I'm glad you're not looking behind you right now."

turtlellama | 0

#451176 - Sunday 2 August 2009 22:10

LOL #136!

Macromartyr | 3

#1029636 - Sunday 13 June 2010 19:51

LMAO perfect

By Hermitcrab | 0

#438153 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:02

You deserved it...Sorry!

JazzHandsFML | 28

#6219091 - Monday 2 March 2015 16:25

don't apologize op is an untrustworthy methcake!

By Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#438156 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:03

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

picky_and_bitter | 0

#438331 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:49

lmao that comment is funny. but seriously was it fun?

By YDIdouche | 0

#438159 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:04

YDI.

average_girl | 0

#439143 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:30

i kno right! its funny how some people think they r making a smart move when its really dumb! i would never send my mom a text like that! that IS really suspicious!

realggirl | 0

#440161 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 17:17

Yeah, seriously.

eehizle | 0

#983887 - Friday 23 April 2010 2:08

you a idiot.

Lucidium | 0

#1211591 - Monday 9 August 2010 13:57

You a idiot? OH POL-EEZ

WTSchool | 0

#1548666 - Friday 15 October 2010 0:52

Oh poh-leez?

And you're complaining about grammar. Please.

geovanni | 9

#1828673 - Saturday 11 December 2010 15:01

it was different spelling to explain differing pronunciation

By Dfeline | 2

#438170 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:06

You have a suspicious mother, yet you still dared to throw a party?
Real smooth...

By imrealldum | 2

#438172 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:07

who does that?!

By ishirticapslock | 0

#438176 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:08

I agree with your mom. That is pretty suspicious.... YDI ;]

By regenzie | 0

#438185 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:11

Are you retarded? Haha YDI. Also, be a little bit more considerate of other people's houses.

By ily_hun996 | 0

#438188 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:12

You never, EVER say, "Thank you for not checking in on me."

SpitFyre | 0

#439138 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 5:28

"Hi mom, thx for leaving me alone at home and not checking up on me, im glad u no im trustworthy, thx again bye"

That doesn't sound suspicious at all...

FMLkaiiden | 8

#5112660 - Sunday 4 November 2012 3:11

No kidding, who does that?

By M13LO | 0

#438190 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:12

*smack on the head* you should of had a V8

kittykatt | 0

#438204 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:16

bahahaha i love those commercials!