Intimacy: Nice!

Nice!

By BigPurplePresent - 28/07/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 098

You deserved it 18 148

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By csgocockblock - 27/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Jenks

Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 466

You deserved it 2 739

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 814

You deserved it 27 704

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 15:21 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 370

You deserved it 6 846

Snuggle up

By addictedtofml - 24/02/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 832

You deserved it 19 991

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 4 394

By "BunnysKitty" - 15/09/2017 23:15

Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 087

You deserved it 910

Red-handed

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Wolcott

Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 210

So frustrating!

By Justawoman - 04/06/2014 15:52 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 605

You deserved it 8 646

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 326

You deserved it 5 141

Ask first, snoop later

By Jenna Berreth - 07/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 3 205

kawa_fml 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:01

aw, that's nice of him!

Dfeline 2

Tuesday 28 July 2009 20:06

Ever considered that he was trying to make you laugh, consequently brightening your mood? Be glad. Most FML boyfriend's would just tell you to stop whining and make them a sandwich.

Comments

crashTRAGIC 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:53

haha i wish my boyf did stuff like this! the last present i got off him was a jigglypuff he found under his bed.....tho i do love tht jigglypuff

windytears 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:00

oooo bet u guys had fun that nite ; ]

iiTEMP524 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:01

Biish please. I would have been appreciative tht he even came to your whiney ass on demand like he did... Tht shit prbly cost a good 20-25 bucks girl. I would have shoved tht thang somewhere & had a good ol' fxckin time!

jmeg_fml 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:06

hahaha it's not a bad gift, really. and it was sweet of him to bring you a gift like you asked, you gotta admit it IS sort of a douchey thing to call someone because you're sad and want presents

fmh123 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:15

a ***** is a mans worse nightmare, that guys an idiot, why would he buy his girlfriend the arch enemy of man, instead he should of went over there and made some love to her, what an idiot!

letitbe56 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:29

If a straight woman prefers a ***** to her boyfriend, the boyfriend is doing something wrong. Don't be intimidated by a piece of rubber. Just relax and stay open to helpful suggestions.

thelonelylurker 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:17

Did it work?

echarperouge 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:22

Ugh, I will never understand men. Next time call on a girlfriend instead.

LadyLex 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:24

Thats was great of him! I wish my bf would do that for me. and purple is my fave color

lastminuteperm 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:30

Wow. That was nice of you. "Umm....sweetie....(crying)" "Yeah" "I had a really bad day at work...can you maybe bring over some bath bubbles and flowers and a new diamond necklace that match the dress and pumps you're gonna get for me." "Uhh...that's a little much, babe. Is it ok if I just get you the flowers? Times are tough right now--" "BRING ME THE DAMN NECKLACE!" "Ok...geeze." You are a mother ******* brat! You don't ask your boyfriend to get you something! Bitch! Your happy you got that!

PeacockSHS 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:44

Did you really just sit and type that out? I think you need to visit a mental hospital.. I don't really see why everyone is so upset. She asked for something, wooaahhh big deal, what a bitch. D: If you were upset, I'm pretty sure you'd ask for something, too. Even if she wasn't specific enough, how anyone would get a ***** out of that is beyond me.

BLNovelist 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 4:52

I think we all have our panties in a twist because rather then asking for his companionship or something, she asked him to go out and actually buy her something - most likely expecting something uber expensive and/or romantic, otherwise this FML wouldn't be here, I'd think.