Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
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Top comments
kawa_fml 0
aw, that's nice of him!
Dfeline 2
Ever considered that he was trying to make you laugh, consequently brightening your mood? Be glad. Most FML boyfriend's would just tell you to stop whining and make them a sandwich.
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Comments (170)
EzZy_Alpha 0
Heh,if my boyfriend did that I'd seriously laugh my ass off.
icertainlysuck 0
He was trying to brighten your mood, you self-centered bitch!
scateice 0
Idk, bout this 1....I'd say both of u r pretty ****** up in the head
IllegalLight 0
You should be happy that he's okay with you playing with yourself. Some guys I know aren't because it makes them feel too inadequate/they'd rather do you themselves.
letitbe56 0
Wow, seriously? So are they prepared also to stop jacking off when they get into a relationship? That's kind of a ****** up way of thinking about it.
cactus_fml 0
I've never heard of a guy like this, just girls. Guys are usually like, "Oooo, can I watch?" And if someone does have a problem with it they need a self esteem check. :/ On the other hand... How would a guy or girl know if their boyfriend or girlfriend had been masturbating anyways? You could just lie about it. 0.o Secret cameras maybe? Creeeepy.
letitbe56 0
Again, though...what girl expects her boyfriend not to **********? Guys who feel ashamed about masturbating are less likely to know how to enjoy a sustained sexual experience as opposed to just racing towards ejaculation so that it can be over quickly. Life would be so much better for everyone if masturbating weren't so taboo.
portablecupid 3
i ask my boyfriend if i can watch and ima chick, haha
A_dead_guy 0
that's not a bad thing maybe you can use it during your 'together time'
mike28_fml 0
Sounds like you have a great boyfriend.
Hummingbird114 0
This is not an FML. You have a guy who comes when you call, and brings you presents. And yes, a ***** counts as a present. Get over it. This is another "Why do I care?" FML
Eresbel 0
That's actually really awesome. I wouldn't mind my boyfriend buying me sex toys whenever I felt sad. :)
xxXChiiXxx 2
FYL.
annababe_011 0
wowww. thats gay. he should have brought u like roses are something.
letitbe56 0
Roses DIE. A ***** is forever.