Miscellaneous: Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round... - FML

By HarryBeast - 10/12/2009 03:24 - Canada

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 934

You deserved it 32 752

Own it

Looking for a job?

CLAWS

By Jules - 21/02/2011 07:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said I look too ugly when I cry to do it seriously in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 018

You deserved it 4 812

By sexytime - 02/09/2009 06:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 699

You deserved it 4 189

By Melie-Melo - 16/12/2008 07:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 048

You deserved it 2 151

Whooped

By leah - 16/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 124

By "sanza666" - 26/04/2019 00:00

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 828

You deserved it 201

By secretdoll - 09/11/2010 07:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister. I was happily biting into a burrito, when I saw a man in his car in the restaurant parking lot, staring at us and jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 532

You deserved it 3 968

By sillydoggy - 09/09/2013 01:42 - United States

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 132

You deserved it 9 652

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 05:05 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I found out if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around, it does in fact make a sound, and also $5,000 worth of damage to your truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 910

You deserved it 1 568

By fatblooddonor - 26/02/2019 04:00

Today, I donated blood at a blood drive. As is the usual for blood drives, I was offered a shirt after donating. The worker handing out the shirts asked me for my size. I said that I was a medium. He looked me over, then asked, "Are you sure?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 049

You deserved it 315

By joarasmi - 01/06/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 454

You deserved it 262

By Anonymous - 11/03/2018 19:00

Today, on my way back from a family trip, my fiancé informed me via text that he'd been cheating on me for years and that he'd moved out of our house and left the state. He blocked me before I could respond. We were together for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 459

You deserved it 324

By idrathernotgiveoutmyname - 31/01/2012 02:50 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 831

You deserved it 8 835

By MystoganFT - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Emmaus

Spicy

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 096

You deserved it 1 807

By DarkDolly - 04/02/2012 16:39 - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 958

You deserved it 3 158

By haileelouxxx - 22/08/2014 12:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 550

You deserved it 5 412

By frankkathy - 26/07/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 336

You deserved it 19 361

By kal - 23/02/2010 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 625

You deserved it 6 763

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 16:40 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 174

You deserved it 9 802

By Lesbian and proud, nana - 12/11/2018 14:00

Today, my nana turned up at my flat for a visit, barged in without knocking, and found me having sex with both of my girlfriends. The vicious religious lecture that followed would have stripped the tramp stamp off a whore. She then rampaged through our bedroom and binned all our sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 194

You deserved it 1 178

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 23:17 - United States

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 956

You deserved it 36 819

By spiderhater - 12/04/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 627

You deserved it 5 292

By dukemisery - 01/10/2016 05:34 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 523

You deserved it 940

By Anonymous - 29/07/2010 18:24 - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 931

You deserved it 6 894

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 00:16 - United States - Irving

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 100

You deserved it 3 236

By married to a bipedal husky - 12/07/2016 21:52 - United States - Lake Butler

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 398

You deserved it 1 197

By Anonymous - 25/09/2011 10:26 - Singapore

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 912

You deserved it 3 649

By Anonymous - 27/05/2015 14:21 - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 109

You deserved it 2 786

By xobeachbabi428ox - 18/07/2009 22:32 - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom. I hung my purse up on the hook on the door. Two minutes later, a hand reaches over the door and steals my purse. I got robbed while taking a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 125

You deserved it 7 961

By theyarefarapart - 09/05/2011 07:05

Today, I found out that my classmates affectionately refer to me as "the kid whose eyes are really far apart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 703

You deserved it 3 551

Best birthday ever!

By IHateMyLife - 01/02/2021 08:01

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80 km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 241

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 141

By geli - 09/08/2016 00:12

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 704

You deserved it 1 413

By A. Person - 07/04/2010 05:36 - Mexico

Today, I was t-boned by a car that sent mine flying into five parked cars. My car was totalled. As the person who hit me pulled me out of the right side of the car he said, "Sorry. I sneezed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 903

You deserved it 2 774

By Anonymous - 21/08/2016 09:21 - Ukraine - Kiev

Spicy

Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 492

You deserved it 18 696

By Rman - 02/11/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 559

You deserved it 41 869

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 05:00

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 700

You deserved it 1 048

By grubbieduc - 06/10/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 512

You deserved it 2 768

By Anonymous - 22/07/2013 19:08 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 983

You deserved it 4 498

By Lizziebelle - 01/12/2016 08:07 - United States - Seattle

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 777

You deserved it 748

By Anonymous - 29/06/2009 17:55 - Canada

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 838

You deserved it 46 565

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:25

cocks are funny whatever age you are :)

pogostick_fml 2

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:22

I don't understand how your life is fucked by this.

Comments

nl98 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:21

Umm......I doubt this is a real fml. A lot of people would chuckle/laugh at it. Just as long as you don't overdo it. FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Thursday 10 December 2009 15:11

Exactly. This belongs on MLIA.

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Thursday 10 December 2009 18:16

Its perfectly normal, most adults are just in denile I still draw dicks on the bus windows, and in college textbooks

joop2 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 18:48

#58 seems like the annoying over achiever that sits in the front of your philosophy class that always has to have a long over drawn input to every part of the lecture while the whole class rolls their eyes and trys to shut them out.

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Friday 11 December 2009 0:58

i dunt know who moderated this fml. this isnt even an fml, it's just stupid.

pogostick_fml 2

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:22

I don't understand how your life is fucked by this.

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Thursday 10 December 2009 10:48

Agreed. If you're not happy with your level of maturity, change it.

alexandraa_fml 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 20:00

Penis' will always be funny. Regardless of age.

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:25

cocks are funny whatever age you are :)

QTp13 10

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:27

I totally agree ;)

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:27

I would laugh... Harold and Kumar is based on the pipi-caca jokes, toilet humour never really loses its charm completely!

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:28

yeah I totally get it! Thats funny

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:32

How is this an FML? You laughed at something penis-shaped. Many people will, even in their 30s.

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:36

Big deal, you are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime. *Clicks the no one gives a crap button* kthnxby

wyocowboysfan 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:37

go fucking die you piece of shit

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:40

How is this a FML? If you did it at work, and your boss saw you giggling at the chips, then maybe. But as others have said, they think it's funny.

ben_wah_balls 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 9:44

I really resent fmls like this, you laughed.. so what.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 42

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 147

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 1 057