Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out...

By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47963

You deserved it

6650

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Proactive

Persona non grata

Vibe check

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31877

You deserved it

2809

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41854

You deserved it

2968

Favorite

By jynxisadouchebag - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29275

You deserved it

5784

Favorite

By wtf dad - United States

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28518

You deserved it

2321

Favorite

By R281780 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22292

You deserved it

4133

Favorite

By Brett

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5000

You deserved it

399

Favorite

By internetadvice - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that she wasn't really in love with me. She got that advice from an internet survey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70274

You deserved it

8946

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I took my 6-year-old son to visit his grandmother, as the doctors say she only has days left to live. Minutes after we arrived, he leaned in close and told her that she's going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28958

You deserved it

3480

Favorite

By Tiana - United States

Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12955

You deserved it

36721

Favorite

By Darth Vomitus - United States - Mequon

Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26407

You deserved it

5790

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/4/2020 17:00

Fetch!

Today, my boyfriend and I were throwing a toy for his dog. He threw it, and I turned my head in that direction, looking for almost a minute before realizing he didn't actually throw it. He's still amused because, "even the dog was smart enough not to fall for that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1292

You deserved it

767

Favorite

By Queenbee26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5079

You deserved it

515

Favorite

By Ido - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I announced my engagement on social media. I got more people telling me how stupid I was than any actually congratulating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12197

You deserved it

3059

Favorite

By tango-c - United States - Parker

Today, I sent a cover letter in which I bragged about my exceptional attention to detail. After it was sent, I noticed the company name and address were from a different job application. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8995

You deserved it

18382

Favorite

By - Australia - Bonnyrigg

Our secretive

Today, my mom is 44 years old, and she is cheating on my dad with my friend who is 19. And she's paying me to keep her secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2445

You deserved it

909

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fort Collins

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27362

You deserved it

16042

Favorite

By Smooth - United States

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16327

You deserved it

112052

Favorite

By mee - 10/10/2020 05:01

Messed up

Today, I started new meds because I’ve been emotionally numb since I was 14. I never learned how to manage real feelings and I’m on a rollercoaster that involves crying over nothing, feeling jealous of my husband’s Xbox, and getting angry at inanimate objects. Is there a return policy on this? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1094

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By CarrieRedburn - United States

Today, I was walking my dog, and a whole bunch of teenagers were driving around my neighborhood throwing water balloons at people. They followed me for 3 blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31393

You deserved it

2858

Favorite

By theamericandream - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40257

You deserved it

2867

Favorite

By gj09 - United States

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46592

You deserved it

2571

Favorite

By obsessed - United States

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9221

You deserved it

89088

Favorite

By seb21 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42404

You deserved it

2296

Favorite

By sarah - United States

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51963

You deserved it

10950

Favorite

By Smiley - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20881

You deserved it

3593

Favorite

By beavis - United States

Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8584

You deserved it

86981

Favorite

By - India - Pune

Send help!

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1450

You deserved it

350

Favorite

By Anonymous

Some people are so... creative.

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8160

You deserved it

1479

Favorite

By noway - France - Cholet

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47806

You deserved it

5283

Favorite

By Wronged - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45416

You deserved it

3556

Favorite

By dust - Japan

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28898

You deserved it

3311

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10364

You deserved it

37550

Favorite

By NoScrubs - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32359

You deserved it

3488

Favorite

By Anonymous - Oman

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13335

You deserved it

37155

Favorite

By tenniemo

Today, I caught one of my students checking out my butt while I was helping another student at his table. I teach 8th grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1383

You deserved it

377

Favorite

By DocBastard, meet DocCunt - Australia - Sydney

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42935

You deserved it

3483

Favorite

By houdini - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28859

You deserved it

11608

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Dumpy baby

Today, on my birthday, my mother described my birth like a large, painful bowel movement in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1345

You deserved it

137

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35960

You deserved it

9174

Favorite

By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35792

You deserved it

3906

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Zappaz | 32

#5968725 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:01

Scarred for life haha

By BecauseIAmBatman_fml | 22

#5968726 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:02

I hope you pay for her years of therapy

COMMENTS

By Zappaz | 32

#5968725 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:01

Scarred for life haha

itwasthedognotme | 14

#5968928 - Sunday 8 June 2014 18:03

At least you didn't see a man holding his penis up to the hand-dryer.

brenton490 | 19

#5969032 - Sunday 8 June 2014 20:07

At my old job we had a lady pleasuring her lady-bits from the hand dryer...I don't understand this world.

By BecauseIAmBatman_fml | 22

#5968726 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:02

I hope you pay for her years of therapy

By ruckfules85 | 34

#5968727 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:04

She was like oh lord have mercy

By fleuretta | 19

#5968728 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:04

Couldn't be the first time she heard someone fart! Nevertheless, kids have a way of making you feel insecure.

kailarahne | 19

#5969101 - Sunday 8 June 2014 21:23

Isn't that so weird how that works? Most children aren't even allowed to dress themselves yet I always feel like they're judging me.

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#5968729 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:06

Nothing better than a pissfart to scare a child.

xmaan667 | 15

#5968740 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:47

The word pissfart just sounds hilarious.

emily4040 | 18

#5968907 - Sunday 8 June 2014 17:17

"Pissfart"

fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#5969292 - Monday 9 June 2014 1:50

No, 45, putting quotation marks around it won't make it funnier.

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5969429 - Monday 9 June 2014 5:01

What about walking out of a stall to find a man on his tip toes with his penis under the hand dryer?

FiFiLovee | 26

#5971130 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 18:48

#72 : I was wondering what that had to do with anything when I scrolled down and saw that FML. XD

By JuzReading | 23

#5968730 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:06

Was your fart 10/10 worthy?

1dvs_bstd | 41

#5968755 - Sunday 8 June 2014 13:31

5 for the sound, 5 for the scare... yeah definitely 10/10.

SkittlesGoRawr | 19

#5968801 - Sunday 8 June 2014 15:34

Depends on if smell is a good or bad factor, haha :P

niallo | 23

#5968851 - Sunday 8 June 2014 16:13

If OP was a guy she'd be bragging about it.

Rallred32 | 20

#5968863 - Sunday 8 June 2014 16:17

Ah, you killed it, 41. It probably got a 4/10.

By niamhyo | 13

#5968731 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:16

Kids are so judgemental

By Hazelino | 25

#5968733 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:18

People fart. All people. Can we please stop making a big deal out of it? Oh mah God i just farted!1! It's NORMAL human behaviour!

doctorhook86 | 24

#5968965 - Sunday 8 June 2014 19:19

#8: Well, it's more of a bodily function than a behaviour, but I completely agree.

mattrd_fml | 31

#5969153 - Sunday 8 June 2014 23:38

Today, I farted. FML

Marley_000 | 14

#5969220 - Monday 9 June 2014 0:30

I dot understand how this was published. It's not funny or an FML, really. People fart all the god damn time.

By tattooedcowboy | 6

#5968734 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:24

at least you were in the restroom

By Bluebl4ze | 16

#5968735 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:30

Kid should've applauded...It would still be a FYL but u could've laughed abt it better