Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out...

By Anonymous - 8/6/2014 02:34 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

DINOSAURS!!

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By cc10 - 19/10/2009 11:50 - China

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

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By Idontdance - 23/8/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden, my friend goes, "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambled to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and said, "Umm, I have to use the bathroom." FML

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By Jims - 29/4/2011 14:00 - Singapore

Today, the only person who wished me a happy birthday is the policeman who checked my identity card for being "suspiciously gangster-like". FML

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By hoolagirl4422 - 20/9/2013 11:23 - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

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By cuntingbitchofawhore - 6/2/2016 03:11 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

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By Unlucky. - 16/10/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

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By Pancakegirl - 18/6/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

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By shrek - 2/5/2016 10:25 - Australia

Today, my brother dyed my white work shirt bright green because I beat him to the shower this morning. As it's my only shirt, I had to wear it to work, where there was a surprise audit and I was fired for incorrect uniform. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

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By bex - 7/1/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

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By LuxTheSarcastic - 6/11/2015 23:05 - United States - Apex

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

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By FootyFoot - 6/3/2012 11:50 - Australia

Today, I texted my mom if she could pick me up from the hospital. She replied "No fatty, walk home." I have a broken foot. FML

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By taternuts - 26/11/2011 12:18 - Canada

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

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By Foreveralone - 22/7/2016 08:54 - United States - Hartford

Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML

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By gonnafail - 16/11/2013 20:18 - United States - York

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

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By soooyeah - 30/4/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

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By Tytonic - 2/2/2016 22:25 - United States - Washington

Today, I took a few Advil. They weren't Advil. My dad mixed the containers and I have no idea what I just took. FML

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By Jopes - 10/5/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

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By Bigfoot - 2/9/2017 01:30

Today, I participated in an obstacle course. As I was going over a set of monkey bars, my balls got crushed between the bar and my gut. I barely managed to get down before blacking out in the middle of the road. FML

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By locksmack - 14/6/2009 12:46 - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

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By sirenmario - 20/1/2011 00:52

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

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By My Daughter Fails at Life - 26/9/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML

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By FML - 12/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

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By MikeMoosey - 30/12/2009 18:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

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By hold your horses pony boy - 18/4/2014 18:24 - United States

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

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By EdibleCape - 28/5/2020 23:00

Nerves of steel

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broken up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2014 21:27 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2014 21:29 - United States - Toledo

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

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By notfunny - 9/4/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, I finally confessed my feelings to my long time crush. He was the only one I've been able to muster up the courage to open up to. He replied "lmao" and hasn't texted back since. FML

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By tannerrosetx_1 - 6/4/2015 11:44 - United States - Irving

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

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By sorry :/ - 8/2/2015 18:28 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2017 12:00 - United States - Hurricane

Today, at work, I wanted to scare my best friend, who is also my coworker. Thinking that he was cleaning the women's bathroom, I snuck in and right when I was about to scare him, my store director came out of the stall. FML

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By Jensa - 16/1/2015 21:59 - United Kingdom - Buckingham

Today, my mother kindly brought me some soup as was recovering from having my tonsils out. Spicy Mexican bean soup. Yep, very spicy. FML

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By faza4327 - 6/4/2011 07:43 - Australia

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2014 09:59 - Russian Federation - Lipetsk

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

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By FattyMcFatFace - 24/5/2019 22:00

Today, I overheard the popular kids say that they were planning on going to the local fast food restaurant to take pictures of the obese people that go there. Not only do I work there, but my family and I were planning on having dinner there tonight. FML

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By michelle - 15/11/2015 15:21 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

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By lactose intolerant - 28/1/2019 15:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my little sister thought I was making up I’m lactose intolerant, so she swapped my dairy-free milk with regular milk. I’m writing this from the toilet and I’ve been here for at least 20 minutes, with cramps and diarrhoea. She’s also complaining about the foul smell coming from the toilet. FML

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Top comments

By Zappaz | 32

#5968725 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:01

Scarred for life haha

By BecauseIAmBatman_fml | 22

#5968726 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:02

I hope you pay for her years of therapy

COMMENTS

By Zappaz | 32

#5968725 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:01

Scarred for life haha

itwasthedognotme | 14

#5968928 - Sunday 8 June 2014 18:03

At least you didn't see a man holding his penis up to the hand-dryer.

brenton490 | 19

#5969032 - Sunday 8 June 2014 20:07

At my old job we had a lady pleasuring her lady-bits from the hand dryer...I don't understand this world.

By BecauseIAmBatman_fml | 22

#5968726 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:02

I hope you pay for her years of therapy

By ruckfules85 | 34

#5968727 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:04

She was like oh lord have mercy

By fleuretta | 19

#5968728 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:04

Couldn't be the first time she heard someone fart! Nevertheless, kids have a way of making you feel insecure.

kailarahne | 19

#5969101 - Sunday 8 June 2014 21:23

Isn't that so weird how that works? Most children aren't even allowed to dress themselves yet I always feel like they're judging me.

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#5968729 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:06

Nothing better than a pissfart to scare a child.

xmaan667 | 15

#5968740 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:47

The word pissfart just sounds hilarious.

emily4040 | 18

#5968907 - Sunday 8 June 2014 17:17

"Pissfart"

fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#5969292 - Monday 9 June 2014 1:50

No, 45, putting quotation marks around it won't make it funnier.

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5969429 - Monday 9 June 2014 5:01

What about walking out of a stall to find a man on his tip toes with his penis under the hand dryer?

FiFiLovee | 26

#5971130 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 18:48

#72 : I was wondering what that had to do with anything when I scrolled down and saw that FML. XD

By JuzReading | 23

#5968730 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:06

Was your fart 10/10 worthy?

1dvs_bstd | 41

#5968755 - Sunday 8 June 2014 13:31

5 for the sound, 5 for the scare... yeah definitely 10/10.

SkittlesGoRawr | 19

#5968801 - Sunday 8 June 2014 15:34

Depends on if smell is a good or bad factor, haha :P

niallo | 23

#5968851 - Sunday 8 June 2014 16:13

If OP was a guy she'd be bragging about it.

Rallred32 | 20

#5968863 - Sunday 8 June 2014 16:17

Ah, you killed it, 41. It probably got a 4/10.

By niamhyo | 13

#5968731 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:16

Kids are so judgemental

By Hazelino | 25

#5968733 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:18

People fart. All people. Can we please stop making a big deal out of it? Oh mah God i just farted!1! It's NORMAL human behaviour!

doctorhook86 | 24

#5968965 - Sunday 8 June 2014 19:19

#8: Well, it's more of a bodily function than a behaviour, but I completely agree.

mattrd_fml | 31

#5969153 - Sunday 8 June 2014 23:38

Today, I farted. FML

Marley_000 | 14

#5969220 - Monday 9 June 2014 0:30

I dot understand how this was published. It's not funny or an FML, really. People fart all the god damn time.

By tattooedcowboy | 6

#5968734 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:24

at least you were in the restroom

By Bluebl4ze | 16

#5968735 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:30

Kid should've applauded...It would still be a FYL but u could've laughed abt it better