Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out...

By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

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Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

Mother of the year

Messed up

By LonelyMe

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

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By gtfb1993 - Canada

Today, I was at the laundromat, when an attractive girl set up at the machine next to mine. She looked me up and down, then noticed the skid-marks on my underwear. FML

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By poked - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

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63801

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML

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By hrtbrkn - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

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By Alisha - United Kingdom

Today, my friends sat me down and said they were concerned I was self-harming. I don't self-harm, I'm just a massive klutz. They don't believe me, and want me to get professional help. And now, because I found it all so funny, they think I'm mentally unhinged. FML

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By Fonz - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother sent my birthday present to me four days late. It was a handy keychain blood alcohol detector so I can make sure I'm sober before I drive. FML

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By omfg

Addictive

Today, I was introduced to Minecraft. I haven't blinked in 5 hours. FML

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606

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By dumpedtaco

Today, as I was planning my impending nuptials with my fiancé, my sister jokingly told him it's not too late to call it off. He took her seriously and bailed. He won’t answer my calls. FML

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By Delicious - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I used fly spray on my muffin tray instead of olive oil. FML

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By West

Today, I was promised that I wouldn't have to work late because I had tomorrow off for my birthday. My coworkers decided that none of them want to work late, and that I could do it. So I am stuck working late and have to come in on my birthday, which I had requested off. FML

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By MenstruallyFrustrated - United States - Surprise

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

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By indefiniteforest - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my roommate was complaining about a headache, so I offered her some aspirin. She looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Uh... That stuff's only for heart attacks." I'm living with an idiot. FML

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By Unteachable - United States

Today, as a high school English teacher, I had to read submissions for a writing contest. The entries were filled with words like "irregardless", "could of", "acrost", and "ain't". These papers were supposedly written by the best students in the school. FML

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By shiney100893 - Ireland - Dublin

Going well

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

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52337

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

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29800

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By Bex - United States - San Francisco

Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances, a guy I hadn't talked to in about two years asked me how rehab was going. In the monstrous silence that followed, I had to awkwardly explain that I work at a nursing home that also functions as a rehabilitation center. FML

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By schooyou101 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

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By Jill - United States

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML

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By supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - Australia - Maida Vale

Today, my car broke down on my way home from university. I tried calling for help, only to realise my phone had completely run out of charge. Luckily, I had passed a police station so I decided to walk the 10 minutes down the road to ask for a phone. When I got there, the station was closed. FML

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By Nice 2 inch - Canada

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

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By confusing - Zimbabwe

Artistry

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

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47985

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By Ouch - Serbia

Mommy's favorite flower

Today, I learned how it feels when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot then landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML

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By CheLi - United States

Whoops

Today, my boyfriend finally invited me over to his parents house so I could meet them. My boyfriend, his dad and I were sitting in the living room, when I saw a really sketchy person outside, so I said, "There is some creepy hobo man outside, messing with your trash." The "creepy hobo" was his mom. FML

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By Motha - United States - West Jordan

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

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By Ouch

Great balls of fire

Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML

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5909

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By bigjohn106 - United States

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

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By vampire - United Kingdom

Today, I was yelled at by my mum for not wanting to get a spray tan for my cousin's wedding because if I don't, I will "shine like a beacon of disrespect" among the other attendees. FML

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34288

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By duCOQUELICOT - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being told two weeks ago that my contract would be renewed, my boss managed to tell me that actually he had other applicants for the job. I will be let go, but he offered me two months extra so I could finish the projects he had me working on. FML

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11746

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By as-salamu alaykum, motherfucker - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML

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45062

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By crappy_day - United States

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

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27530

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By Dana - United States

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

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26021

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By rian - 3/4/2021 21:30

Redesign

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

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By sexyfail - Australia

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

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10158

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By swirkishly - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

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25889

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By DyingPlants - United States

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

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Top comments

By Zappaz | 32

#5968725 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:01

Scarred for life haha

By BecauseIAmBatman_fml | 22

#5968726 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:02

I hope you pay for her years of therapy

COMMENTS

By Zappaz | 32

#5968725 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:01

Scarred for life haha

itwasthedognotme | 14

#5968928 - Sunday 8 June 2014 18:03

At least you didn't see a man holding his penis up to the hand-dryer.

brenton490 | 19

#5969032 - Sunday 8 June 2014 20:07

At my old job we had a lady pleasuring her lady-bits from the hand dryer...I don't understand this world.

By BecauseIAmBatman_fml | 22

#5968726 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:02

I hope you pay for her years of therapy

By ruckfules85 | 34

#5968727 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:04

She was like oh lord have mercy

By fleuretta | 19

#5968728 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:04

Couldn't be the first time she heard someone fart! Nevertheless, kids have a way of making you feel insecure.

kailarahne | 19

#5969101 - Sunday 8 June 2014 21:23

Isn't that so weird how that works? Most children aren't even allowed to dress themselves yet I always feel like they're judging me.

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#5968729 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:06

Nothing better than a pissfart to scare a child.

xmaan667 | 15

#5968740 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:47

The word pissfart just sounds hilarious.

emily4040 | 18

#5968907 - Sunday 8 June 2014 17:17

"Pissfart"

fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#5969292 - Monday 9 June 2014 1:50

No, 45, putting quotation marks around it won't make it funnier.

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5969429 - Monday 9 June 2014 5:01

What about walking out of a stall to find a man on his tip toes with his penis under the hand dryer?

FiFiLovee | 26

#5971130 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 18:48

#72 : I was wondering what that had to do with anything when I scrolled down and saw that FML. XD

By JuzReading | 23

#5968730 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:06

Was your fart 10/10 worthy?

1dvs_bstd | 41

#5968755 - Sunday 8 June 2014 13:31

5 for the sound, 5 for the scare... yeah definitely 10/10.

SkittlesGoRawr | 19

#5968801 - Sunday 8 June 2014 15:34

Depends on if smell is a good or bad factor, haha :P

niallo | 23

#5968851 - Sunday 8 June 2014 16:13

If OP was a guy she'd be bragging about it.

Rallred32 | 20

#5968863 - Sunday 8 June 2014 16:17

Ah, you killed it, 41. It probably got a 4/10.

By niamhyo | 13

#5968731 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:16

Kids are so judgemental

By Hazelino | 25

#5968733 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:18

People fart. All people. Can we please stop making a big deal out of it? Oh mah God i just farted!1! It's NORMAL human behaviour!

doctorhook86 | 24

#5968965 - Sunday 8 June 2014 19:19

#8: Well, it's more of a bodily function than a behaviour, but I completely agree.

mattrd_fml | 31

#5969153 - Sunday 8 June 2014 23:38

Today, I farted. FML

Marley_000 | 14

#5969220 - Monday 9 June 2014 0:30

I dot understand how this was published. It's not funny or an FML, really. People fart all the god damn time.

By tattooedcowboy | 6

#5968734 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:24

at least you were in the restroom

By Bluebl4ze | 16

#5968735 - Sunday 8 June 2014 12:30

Kid should've applauded...It would still be a FYL but u could've laughed abt it better