I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Spicy
Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 127
You deserved it 5 901
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

CessOMG 3

I freaking hate it when that happens. FYL.

213 11

Comments

perdix 29

Cute girls can't handle rejection. Your inadvertent blow-off has sent her world spinning out of control. You probably own her now.

63 15
Airman1988 9

That depends on his definition of cute, but I agree the girls that know they are attractive and get constant male attention can't fathom being ignored.

27 1
perdix 29

I once swapped numbers with a very pretty girl at a party, but coincidentally came down with mono before I had a chance to call her. A few weeks later, she called me and I had the upper hand in that relationship. That was rare, I wish I could have replicated that success.

38 6
YoungMisfit 9

A moment of silence for all the bros who have been **** blocked by there own body.

40 5
every1luvsboners 11

I used to pay a guy to shat on my glass coffee table while I laid under it enjoying the glorious view. I could use someone like you a couple days a week.

32 25
unknown_user5566 26

30- Maybe Boners is into throw up on his glass coffee table, too. Shoot him a PM and you two could end up with a magical night filled with bodily fluids.

30 2
jetsown08 21

I was about to say "What the ****?", but the I looked at the poster and saw it was Boners, so I passed it off as a typical comment.

21 1
kcircuses2 4

64-you mean a glass bottom boat

1 0
mykalt18 2

I'm going to say this to the next person I hear taking a crap in a public bathroom.

1 0
andrewcollins 8

Sorry OP go back and ask if she wants to come over to your place

2 0
greenie213 23

Your guts were telling you something.

4 1
unknown_user5566 26

Hopefully you at least got her phone number. Take some Beano, give her a call, and try again!

4 1
perdix 29

I'd think he'd be better off with laxatives to clear out the logjam, and then refraining from gorging himself on bacteria-laden slop at the local buffets, and THEN, giving her a call.

5 1
perdix 29

Never trust an asshole. They'll start spreading shit at the most inopportune times.

37 2
perdix 29

Here, take my sunglasses. Lower them and say something about "a shitty situation." Thanks, you have performed a ritual that will allow this FML to be complete.

20 1
SenselessPattern 12

Damn Perdix, 4 completely separate comments on 1 story about a guy's shit shenanigans? Interesting....

13 0
kewlkate 9

And now that you've commented four times... Your life is complete :)

2 1
perdix 29

#52. Yeah, I noticed that, too. Dafuq* is wrong with me? YOLO**! *as the cool kids are saying these days. ** as the kids who are getting beaten up for their lunch money and funny haircuts are saying thses days.

10 0
Calyx_fml 21

Thats why Perdix is at 13000+ comments.

2 0
Dixbfloppin 11

I'm glad I read your comment instead of another one of those "omg wat a shity situashon see its funk bcoz op shit himsalf i hope people tumb my cument up lol xDD" comments.

0 0
MexicanGinger 5

Maybe you're lactose intolerant? I get that feeling all the time when I drink regular milk and not the Silk milk /:

0 2