Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month.... - FML

By Anne - 14/2/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser. Thinking it was a Valentine's gift, I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog died since I was away. FML

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Valentine's slay

Rock, hard place

Last dates

Toxic parents

By probably single - 29/5/2015 18:28 - Denmark - Gram

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

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By Garcia2284 - 13/9/2018 13:00

Today, I asked a customer three times before he saw the doctor if he had any medical insurance and he replied "no" each time. Paying his bill out of pocket, this dude had the nerve to ask, "So why didn't my medical insurance cover this?" He had coverage. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

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By Susan - 23/8/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML

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By Flabbergasted - 6/2/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has been having an affair with another woman. He works with me and the woman also works in the same company. She is also married and is now 6 months pregnant. They are throwing a baby shower for her on Monday. FML

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By shadokis - 12/9/2012 18:31 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2011 17:22 - Canada

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

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By emperor - 21/7/2009 05:38 - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

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By sucksssssss - 28/1/2010 20:12 - France

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2019 06:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

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By jcheer113 - 17/5/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, while I was driving, I saw my driving instructor from high school walking on the sidewalk. As I waved to him, I rear-ended the car in front of me. Guess I really showed him how much I learned from him. FML

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By sweetsixteen - 22/6/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find several of my friends there for a surprise sweet sixteen party my mom was throwing for me. Everything was going great until the doorbell rang and a clown walked in. My mom hired a clown for my sweet sixteen. My friends took pictures. FML

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By Fireguy92 - 1/2/2013 04:39 - United States - Dewitt

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

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By kenz - 6/12/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

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By MsConfusedd - 1/9/2012 04:30 - United States - Hazlet

Today, I learned that my 76 year old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML

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By sillyrabbit - 24/2/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, after I had filled up my car and got into it I saw a cute guy running towards me. I flashed a smile and left the door open and said "hey" when he was next to me. He said, "the pump is still attached to your car, you really should be more careful." FML

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By Zora - 15/7/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

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By jazz - 22/1/2010 08:11 - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2010 14:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

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By zAstonish - 28/11/2019 14:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Porn, comment

Today, I realized that my brother is one of those people who comment on porn. I found out about it because he commented on my video. FML

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By NoctisMax - 25/12/2016 06:47 - United States - Humble

Today, I was caught doing it with my boyfriend in a car because we wanted to have privacy from my family. I'm a grown adult with my own home. FML

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By left-out - 17/2/2013 07:38 - United States

Today, my sister posted on her Facebook that she hates moving because of all of the packing that she and my family have to do. I didn't even know we're moving. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, after being laid off for over a year, I got turned down for an unpaid internship. I can't even get people to let me work for free. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 01:01 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Facebook political debates

Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 14:20 - United States - Rhodes

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

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By holyshitbatman - 9/11/2012 04:53 - United States - Toledo

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2019 06:43

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

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By Foxy - 10/1/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

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By Jobless - 7/9/2010 23:27 - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. The moment I walked into the room, the interviewer said "Ok, I will interview you, but there is no way I'm hiring you." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2010 13:55 - Canada

Today, I spent a hundred dollars on new "business casual" clothes and took two hours to get ready for my interview with a government agency. My interviewer was blind. FML

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By Weak Disposition - 27/4/2012 04:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

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By Ashton Sprunger - 30/12/2011 05:38 - United States

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2017 13:00

Today, workers came to my house to fix residual moisture damage in my walls left behind by Hurricane Irma. Said workers then burst a water pipe and flooded my entire apartment in the time it took figure out how to turn it off. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 16:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

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By Notyourstepmom - 7/9/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

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By nojob - 7/5/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

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By dumbdad - 28/12/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

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Top comments

By that_one_guy | 0

#2228 - Saturday 14 February 2009 23:59

That suuuucccccckkkkssss
I'm sorry to hear about that.

Just one question, who the fuck could possibly think that you deserve it?

By StudleytheDragon | 0

#1806034 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 4:29

I hate how no matter how shitty the thing is there's always some jackasses that say you deserved it, how the fuck is this the persons fault?! and I'm sorry for your loss

COMMENTS

By that_one_guy | 0

#2228 - Saturday 14 February 2009 23:59

That suuuucccccckkkkssss
I'm sorry to hear about that.

Just one question, who the fuck could possibly think that you deserve it?

Reply

Alicia_Raven7 | 0

#970886 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 5:10

people are idiots. they do that even though the OP doesnt deserve it. i mean look at the people whos best achievement in life is yelling "first!" to being the first comment.

its a sad world we live in.

Reply

arrow007archer | 19

#5991495 - Sunday 29 June 2014 0:12

#4 people who want to get medals for saying YDI its 100 for the judgemental medal. people say YDI on random FML without reading them

Reply

FaguIous | 22

#6228347 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 1:45

I vote both on every FML I read. I have a sad life.

Reply

kittykat1501 | 31

#6343003 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 6:59

... I cringed at #1

By Amkii | 0

#2229 - Sunday 15 February 2009 0:02

=( Aww, I'm sorry.

By primogen18 | 0

#74964 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 18:47

Sorry to hear that, my friend's parents didn't tell him his dog died til he went home a couple months later, and now I'm moved out and states away from my parents I always worry about my dog as I miss him.

By jewbilee1 | 0

#262213 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:10

That sucks but shouldn't you know when your dog hasn't been around or your parents even talk about it.

By V461N4 | 0

#896125 - Saturday 27 February 2010 4:09

That's rough man. It sucks to lose a pet, and especially to find out like that.

By georgiinaa | 0

#899871 - Sunday 28 February 2010 8:44

LMAO

By greendaygirl112 | 0

#981698 - Monday 19 April 2010 5:56

we cremated my dog fuck your life and ur dogs life btw both of ur parents a ducked up

By bummervacation | 10

#1218184 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 17:47

WIN!!!
finally!
a first post that provides humour and isn't FIRSTTTTT111!!!!!!111!!!11!!!!!!!!11!!!*creams pants*11!!!!!!!!1!!!111!!!!!!

i think i can safely say i love you now

By Big_Boner | 3

#1365779 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 17:22

Oh man, I LOL'd so hard.

By ake072007 | 2

#1559879 - Sunday 17 October 2010 7:57

I am soooo sorry. I would hate to find out