Love: Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature... - FML

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 003

You deserved it 15 386

Taking stock

Leave us alone

Brave

By Anonymous - 26/03/2011 22:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 790

You deserved it 11 705

Miss Pissy

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was protesting for animal rights. On my way home, I accidentally hit a pig with my car. I freaked out and got out to check to see if it was OK. It knocked me over, spraining my wrist, and it pissed all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 1 796

By Username - 24/07/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 620

You deserved it 3 928

By princesss_14 - 26/12/2013 02:07 - United States - Seguin

Today, I got a whistle key finder from my grandma for Christmas. This would have been nice if I could actually whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 989

You deserved it 4 918

By shmoooopie - 29/05/2015 03:39 - United States - Medina

Spicy

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 443

You deserved it 3 858

By Fooled Wife - 14/09/2018 14:30

Today, my husband was arrested on 2 felony charges in a sting. We've been married 5.5 years, had almost enough money for a down payment on a house, were trying to get pregnant, and had a non-refundable trip to London planned. We are now broke and on the verge of divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 558

You deserved it 261

Herman Cain Award

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 17:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my sister had a C-section to deliver her premature second child. She's also in ICU with a blood oxygen level of 60% because "vaccines are dangerous". We don't know if she will make it out of the hospital or, if she does, how much damage will be caused from the long-term hypoxia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 194

By kaynotentirelywrong - 15/08/2013 16:49 - Canada - Repentigny

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 136

You deserved it 13 304

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 738

You deserved it 40 796

By TommyNoFeet - 04/12/2017 06:00

Today, my third day training for a half marathon, I tripped and broke both of my ankles and one wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 606

You deserved it 380

By dantko - 01/01/2014 05:04 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 048

You deserved it 5 299

By kraziikayce - 26/12/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 752

You deserved it 3 752

Keep your distance

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, as I served an elderly man at the fast-food restaurant where I work, he leaned over the counter so that his face was mere inches from mine and asked me if I wanted to buy his car. When I politely told him I wasn't interested, he insisted on making a complaint about me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 61

By luciazee - 06/06/2013 20:51 - Peru - Lima

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 917

You deserved it 3 315

By Katsura - 19/07/2016 00:43 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 083

You deserved it 1 362

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 233

You deserved it 7 121

By Anonymous - 27/04/2012 18:01 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. After she left, they told me they disapprove of her because of her supposedly lower social class. Now I have to either dump her or lose the money they set aside to pay for my university tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 471

You deserved it 3 136

Not so wise, eh?

By itachi desu - 08/06/2018 20:30

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. While under the influence of the drugs, I tried to speak Japanese. Later, my Japanese roommate informed me that I was saying "I am a weasel" over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 529

By bluskyz1979 - 17/05/2016 15:32 - United States - Cypress

Today, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he starts complaining about how his back is hurting him. He complains the whole evening. Fast forward to later that night, we are in bed so I ask him if he was feeling OK. He says, "I guess so. I'm just confused about my feelings for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 550

You deserved it 1 002

Nice parents you've got there

By mere - 06/04/2021 21:30

Spicy

Today, I was called a whore by my own parents, simply because I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month. Everyone I’ve ever dated has dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 146

By FireoftheFuture - 02/05/2013 11:02 - United States

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 899

You deserved it 55 827

By kingkobrastrikes - 21/01/2015 01:56 - United States

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 479

You deserved it 20 482

By sayroshi - 30/06/2016 18:29 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 354

You deserved it 1 302

By LD - 23/01/2015 16:46 - United States - Nampa

Spicy

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 338

You deserved it 4 182

By psd60 - 06/12/2012 07:18 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 253

You deserved it 4 183

By Dannylover - 17/02/2009 20:53 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I finally hooked up with a boy I really liked. We were lying in bed and my panties were already off when he asked me : "Would you also have sex with me if you weren't drunk?". I responded "Yes!" and asked him the same question, at which he responded : "No, probably not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 153

You deserved it 13 000

By A continent away - 02/09/2014 19:48 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 931

You deserved it 13 715

By cazorp - 05/01/2012 11:43 - United States

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 334

You deserved it 2 453

By Dani - 24/01/2012 05:23 - Australia

Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 283

You deserved it 26 661

By Abendigo77 - 14/01/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 450

You deserved it 6 820

By Anonymous - 26/03/2012 10:53 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a man on the subway serenaded me. That's not the issue. He was cross-eyed, making it hard for me not to laugh in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 290

You deserved it 30 179

By Anonymous - 11/04/2012 21:41 - Canada - Orillia

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 530

You deserved it 2 279

By Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace - 31/01/2013 11:34 - United States - Riverside

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 490

You deserved it 42 198

By tired of my job - 29/10/2015 08:33 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 013

You deserved it 1 365

By Teach - 31/03/2015 07:40 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 364

You deserved it 2 522

By Anonymous - 01/06/2019 22:00

Today, I found a necklace that my parents had made for me. While looking at it, I realized my parents had spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 133

Gotta get that clout

By Debate bros STFU - 26/07/2021 06:01

Today, my live-in boyfriend spent yet another evening trying to bait Twitch streamers into a debate about stuff he barely understands. He's obsessed with "growing his audience", and I'm getting tired of his bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 141

By cachucy - 18/03/2012 15:04 - United States - Geneva

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 661

You deserved it 3 507

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 01:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 392

You deserved it 5 455

Tyranny

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 22:01 - Indonesia - Balikpapan

Today, I got called "useless" by my mother for not doing what she wants me to do. She also said that I've accomplished nothing, and that I can’t and never will. It’s barely 10 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 120

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:30

That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...

Janawa 22

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:29

Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.

Comments

Janawa 22

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:29

Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:33

Yea, then maybe she'll get a "slippery when wet" sign.

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Thursday 19 June 2014 23:04

Haha! I'm buying a "children crossing" sign for my pregnant sister.

iLike2Teabag 27

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Thursday 19 June 2014 23:52

At least it wasn't a "yield to incoming traffic" sign

gotaplanstan 28

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Friday 20 June 2014 0:21

or a "Utility work ahead" sign...

JJ_86 22

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Friday 20 June 2014 1:07

Get a emergency siren/lights to counter it. You don't need to stop then. Or just get better at pleasing so she never can pull the sign up.

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Friday 20 June 2014 3:22

she gets bored often enough during sex she needed a sign? your poor girlfriend

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Friday 20 June 2014 9:30

When the sign goes up, it's not good

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:30

That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:34

It is fantastic! But poor OP, I mean I think I would be pissed off and upset pretty bad if that happened to me so I have so much sympathy :S

JJ_86 22

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Friday 20 June 2014 1:02

And a closed for maintenance sign during that time of the month.

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Friday 20 June 2014 15:37

at least its not a BEWARE OF DOG sign...

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Friday 20 June 2014 18:27

"Wrong Way" would also be an interesting one. (Hope she doesn't get "Under Construction", that'd be a little disturbing.)

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:30

Ouch. Sorry XD

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:41

Congrats. You just wasted a comment.

warsun 27

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Thursday 19 June 2014 23:40

You're not even sorry

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:30

That actually is quite funny. :')

JJ_86 22

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Friday 20 June 2014 1:05

Yup, she's a keeper. You got to work hard at not ever letting her pull up that sign OP.

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Thursday 3 July 2014 17:22

Good sense of humor. And you need to step up your game. A keeper. Work harder boy.

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Thursday 3 July 2014 17:25

Or buy some handcuffs so she is not able to put it up.

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:30

There goes your self-esteem...

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Thursday 19 June 2014 23:55

What Im thinking is, is OP's bf so bad at listening/understanding when OP doesn't want to continue that she literally has to hold up a stop sign to get it across?

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 20 June 2014 0:47

Or she's not good at explaining what she wants him to do during sex.

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:30

Find something to annoy her in the same kind of way

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Thursday 19 June 2014 23:40

ROUGH CONDITIONS, SLOW DOWN

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Friday 20 June 2014 1:34

Idk, 6, from the looks of things, the sex might be as annoying to her as the sign is to OP.

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Friday 20 June 2014 5:24

Slow down? Or SPEED HUMP

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:31

Don't stop believing!! Give it your all because that's all you can do. Maybe next time try spicing it up with something new

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Thursday 19 June 2014 23:56

Did you try to rhyme? Because that was amazing.

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 20 June 2014 0:49

Don't stop believin' Hold on to that feelin' Streetlight people

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:31

Dang that sucks. Maybe she just isn't interested enough. Try implementing some new stuff in the bedroom, like maybe not sexing it up in the bedroom all the time. Just a thought. FYL

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Thursday 19 June 2014 23:13

Or maybe he's just not good in bed?

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:32

Talk about a roadblock...

skittycat213 19

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Thursday 19 June 2014 22:34

At least it's not under construction

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Friday 20 June 2014 5:26

Give them a brake!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 111

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 2 606