Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML
Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML
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Top comments
michaelaranda 28
Tell your girlfriend to stop reading cosmo. Sorry about your balls.
TaiReiSi 12
I'm really trying not to think of what she did...
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Comments (121)
michaelaranda 28
Tell your girlfriend to stop reading cosmo. Sorry about your balls.
PIGaming 21
Or taking advice from the internet in general - my sister became hysterical after thinking her minor cold was infact terminal lungcancer after self diagnosing herself through the internet
incoherentrmblr 22
Cosmo f**ks with people's minds, now it's f**king with you literally. It truly is a sadistic, masochistic asshole. Sorry for your balls...
95DeVille 13
While you're taking internet advice, try charging your phone by putting it in the microwave.
Enslaved 38
Say whatever you want about the magazine but I've gotten a few cute ideas from there. Things as simple as using ice, coffee, gloves, hot oils, silk scarfs etc... It's always nice to try new things to keep sex interesting. Routine gets boring and how do you know what you "could" enjoy if you never experience it? Just ask her to stay away from the ball busting stuff.
kirkaygri 18
You need Cosmo for those basic things? Any trashy book will give you those tips. Cosmo is for the big guns, like using a warm glazed doughnut.
purebliss_fml 19
#40, just out of curiosity... At what part does coffee come into play during sex? :|
Enslaved 38
Need it? No. It's trashy fun! I scan though it (and other magazines) while I'm waiting in the shopping lines. I read the pointers and then put my own "personal spin" on things. #44 alternating the temperature of your mouth from hot to cold by switching back and forth from coffee to ice. :P
slyde32 12
I'm still confused by why you would need coffee, the only thing I can think of is to keep you going all night
saad2605 16
I can't get over the fact how casually everyone is apologizing for OP balls. I mean I'm sorry, but this seems to feel more casual than a happy birthday. Hope you feel better OP
evilscorpi 29
honestly you have to know what would work and what would not. cosmo can give you the most stupidest idea for your relationship and ruin it
1dvs_bstd 41
haaaa!! web MD! everything is this cancer or that cancer!
byefelicia1992 8
23, the asterisks aren't necessary. Write what you ******* feel.
Lebeaugars95 20
so.. no one's gonna comment about. number 14's picture..?
Razell 13
Sounds like a really good way to crack your tooth enamel...
lostmongoose 23
51 it just needs to be any hot beverage. I use tea but honestly you could just use hot water...
L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20
You gotta love cosmo
MrsDruidess 23
you gotta love that she's trying, even if she's failing lol
myoukei 31
Wanda sure does.
TaiReiSi 12
I'm really trying not to think of what she did...
trex454 21
see I can't help but wonder what it is she did
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Probably the old "Yank his balls as he's getting close to make him last longer" trick. No joke. my ex girlfriend read that in a magazine once. Luckily she didn't try it.
ohcheriecherie 20
most people should have enough common sense to know that balls need a gentle touch...
TheDrifter 24
You'd think so. But they don't. It seems every few months a magazine prints a "grab his balls and twist to make him last" or a "grab and tug to give him an incredible ******" article. It's my personal belief that these articles are hit pieces designed to torture the boyfriends and husbands of gullible readers.
Rallred32 20
Have you ever seen the toys little babies hit with their hands in their cradles? Replace the toys with OPs balls.
kangx1 28
Tell her that the tip didn't feel good and hopefully your balls aren't totally destroyed.
babeababe 16
Oh god :( I'm really curious as to what it was now. Those never sound like a good idea to me when reading them.
RougeKiller 9
Look at the bright side, you had sex and she probably enjoyed it. But being a guy, I feel bad for your balls. That really sucks. FYL
rosenkrieger223 24
the proper phrase in that case would be: "Doesn't matter, had sex." haha
RedPillSucks 33
She must have sucked hard. FUBARed balls, anyone?
MisterEx 28
Not even a cricket sound :(
person961 9
Tell her to kiss them to make your problem better. Hopefully she didn't read Cosmo to get tips in how to give "good" BJ's haha
Tinad01 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dont be mad, she was just trying to make you happy. (:
Jared900DUmpling 30
Well she clearly failed. In this case, it's not the thought that counts.
Maccaroney 11
I disagree. The thought still counts.
falconjade 19
But the execution is infinitely more important in this case
Rob3062 3
I'm guessing the screams of pain told her the tip was no good?