Don't listen to Cosmo

By FMBs - 30/04/2014 23:40 - Puerto Rico - Guaynabo

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML
I agree, your life sucks 51 728
You deserved it 7 198

Same thing different taste

Top comments

michaelaranda 28

Tell your girlfriend to stop reading cosmo. Sorry about your balls.

I'm really trying not to think of what she did...


michaelaranda 28

Tell your girlfriend to stop reading cosmo. Sorry about your balls.

Or taking advice from the internet in general - my sister became hysterical after thinking her minor cold was infact terminal lungcancer after self diagnosing herself through the internet

incoherentrmblr 21

Cosmo f**ks with people's minds, now it's f**king with you literally. It truly is a sadistic, masochistic asshole. Sorry for your balls...

While you're taking internet advice, try charging your phone by putting it in the microwave.

Say whatever you want about the magazine but I've gotten a few cute ideas from there. Things as simple as using ice, coffee, gloves, hot oils, silk scarfs etc... It's always nice to try new things to keep sex interesting. Routine gets boring and how do you know what you "could" enjoy if you never experience it? Just ask her to stay away from the ball busting stuff.

You need Cosmo for those basic things? Any trashy book will give you those tips. Cosmo is for the big guns, like using a warm glazed doughnut.

#40, just out of curiosity... At what part does coffee come into play during sex? :|

Need it? No. It's trashy fun! I scan though it (and other magazines) while I'm waiting in the shopping lines. I read the pointers and then put my own "personal spin" on things. #44 alternating the temperature of your mouth from hot to cold by switching back and forth from coffee to ice. :P

I'm still confused by why you would need coffee, the only thing I can think of is to keep you going all night

saad2605 16

I can't get over the fact how casually everyone is apologizing for OP balls. I mean I'm sorry, but this seems to feel more casual than a happy birthday. Hope you feel better OP

honestly you have to know what would work and what would not. cosmo can give you the most stupidest idea for your relationship and ruin it

1dvs_bstd 41

haaaa!! web MD! everything is this cancer or that cancer!

23, the asterisks aren't necessary. Write what you ******* feel.

Lebeaugars95 20

so.. no one's gonna comment about. number 14's picture..?

Sounds like a really good way to crack your tooth enamel...

51 it just needs to be any hot beverage. I use tea but honestly you could just use hot water...

you gotta love that she's trying, even if she's failing lol

I'm really trying not to think of what she did...

see I can't help but wonder what it is she did


Probably the old "Yank his balls as he's getting close to make him last longer" trick. No joke. my ex girlfriend read that in a magazine once. Luckily she didn't try it.

most people should have enough common sense to know that balls need a gentle touch...

TheDrifter 23

You'd think so. But they don't. It seems every few months a magazine prints a "grab his balls and twist to make him last" or a "grab and tug to give him an incredible ******" article. It's my personal belief that these articles are hit pieces designed to torture the boyfriends and husbands of gullible readers.

Have you ever seen the toys little babies hit with their hands in their cradles? Replace the toys with OPs balls.

Tell her that the tip didn't feel good and hopefully your balls aren't totally destroyed.

Oh god :( I'm really curious as to what it was now. Those never sound like a good idea to me when reading them.

Look at the bright side, you had sex and she probably enjoyed it. But being a guy, I feel bad for your balls. That really sucks. FYL

the proper phrase in that case would be: "Doesn't matter, had sex." haha

RedPillSucks 31

She must have sucked hard. FUBARed balls, anyone?

Tell her to kiss them to make your problem better. Hopefully she didn't read Cosmo to get tips in how to give "good" BJ's haha

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Well she clearly failed. In this case, it's not the thought that counts.

Maccaroney 11

I disagree. The thought still counts.

But the execution is infinitely more important in this case

I'm guessing the screams of pain told her the tip was no good?